Teaching English in Japan

NOTE: For the sake of English-speakers, there is no actual Japanese text in this path. It's just a setting. Don't think about it too hard.

"That's all for today, class! Say it with me, now... Good bye! See you after the weekend!"

You are John Doe, and you have finally finished your first week at your new job. Teaching English at Kawakimi Senior High School. You initially thought it would be easy to move to Japan and teach English, after you majored in the language in High School and spent a few years translating for fansubs of popular anime, but in reality, it was quite difficult.

The students were patient, that wasn’t the problem. It was the staff that glared at you like you had something to prove. Apparently, they didn't have many foreigners in this part of the country, so they appreciated the fresh face, at first. However, when they weren't much for conversation outside of the usual "Hi! How's the weather? Bye!," you had stopped trying after the second day.

There was one particular ray of sunlight in the teacher you met on your first day, Ms. Tanaka. She was friendly and warm with you from the get-go. She introduced you to everyone, gave you the full tour of the school, and even exchanged phone numbers if you had any questions or just wanted to chat.

On this occasion, after a long week of work, you really wanted someone to drink with. She seemed friendly enough, and you didn't know too many people in the area, after all. Unfortunately, she declined, as she was stuck grading math papers all night.

You understood, but that left you alone at the nearby teppanyaki restaurant with nothing but booze to keep you company. Well, you might as well enjoy yourself. “Here's to Japan and new adventures!”

Whenever you get around to them, anyway...

After about a half hour of a good meal and some hearty drinks, you stumbled your way out of the restaurant and through the nearest alley. You believed that you knew the way home well enough that you could easily take a few shortcuts. Something caught your eye down a peculiar alley, however. An ominous purple tent seemed to be glowing in the dark of night and calling you towards it.

You suppose that there's no harm in at least checking it out. You could just chalk this up to being a dream tomorrow, anyway. When you shifted the curtain to the side and peeked inside, however, you found the source of the glowing pretty quickly.

A smoky-looking crystal ball was perched atop a bright red pillow, and behind it sat an old woman with crinkly fingers shifting over it like a prized possession. It didn't take long for her to notice you, however, and her surprisingly kind voice caught you off-guard for a moment.

"Oh my! You're quite the handsome young foreigner, aren't you?"

You hesitate for a second after her compliment, but quickly apologize for interrupting whatever it was she was doing.

"I- I'm sorry for barging in! I just saw the tent and thought that-"

"Did you think I read fortunes, dear boy?"

You size her up. Wrinkled face, unruly grey hair, long fingers with 3 or 4 decadent rings on each hand. Is it stereotypical of you to agree with her?

"Uhh... Yes?"

The old woman cackled in response, and it seemed like her dentures were about to fall out due to all the sudden movement. She quickly clasped a hand over her mouth to prevent that from happening.

"I like your honesty! But you're only half-right. I read fortunes... and then make them come true!"

You were too drunk to question what exactly she meant, but you were still intrigued enough to scratch your chin and ask what she had in mind.

"So, what's my fortune? Am I cursed to be alone in Japan forever?"

Maybe it was too soon to be resigned to your fate, but a hard first week in a new country will do that to you. The old crone simply inched closer and rolled her fingers over the crystal ball slowly, taking your question with the utmost sincerity.

"Hmm, tell me more, sweetie. The spirits need a little more to go on before they decide."

You shrug. "What the hell?" You didn't have anything better to do on a Friday night than to pour your problems on an old lady who's willing to listen to your drunken ramblings.

"My name is John, I just moved here last week. I started teaching English over at Kawakimi. I'm 21, and I came here because I thought my life would be more interesting and fun, and maybe I'd be able to help some kids learn English, too."

"Was that your only reason?"

She cocked one eyebrow at you and stopped spooling her hands over the crystal to pose that piercing question. You sighed, deciding that if she wanted honesty, you had to give it to her.

"No. I'm also looking for a... a girlfriend."

A wicked smile appeared on the crone’s face all of a sudden. You were understandably a bit uneasy at seeing that.

"And you have a preference for... Asian women, yes?"

You say nothing, head down as your face reddened from embarrassment. She took your silence as affirmation.

"Well, my dear boy, that certainly can be arranged! I find you quite desirable myself, and I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to convince other women the same!"

You raised your head in confusion. Now it’s your turn to cock an eyebrow as you wondered what she could possibly have in mind after saying that.

"You think so?"

The old woman nodded while cackling again, her fingers running over the ball frantically as the smoke within seemed to build into a mighty storm in the center. An odd wind blew through the tent as she answered you earnestly, her eyes glowing white as if casting a spell of some sort.

"You're a foreigner, and you know what they say about you, yes? You have something I'm sure all Asian women would like to get their hands on... Provided they're of age, of course."

"What?"

The wind grew ever more powerful as the old woman’s voice took on a tone of authority and truth.

"I'm telling you... You, John, have the perfect cock. You have been blessed with it since birth, and in your time in America, it has seen a lack of use."

You momentarily stuttered over her implication and quickly correct her.

"Hey, I'm not a virgin."

"Not what I meant! You haven't been surrounded by Asian women until now. We all know the truth. The incredible honor that is having sex with you! The sexual devotion we feel when we see it for the first time! I’m sure we all would like a turn with you, eventually. But for now, it's entirely in your hands! Go forth, and conquer the wombs of as many Asian women as your heart desires!"

The smoke in the crystal ball settled, her eyes stopped glowing, and the wind had died down. Whatever magic she was casting had ceased, and now there was just you sitting dumbfounded in front of an old crone waving her arms in the air like a witch.

"Okay, well, thanks for the ego boost, I guess. I'm gonna go home now."

"Take care, sweetie! And remember! You have the perfect cock!"

You were too tired to make a fuss over that obviously senile old woman's babbling. For now, you just wanted to rest your head on the pillow in your apartment and get a good night's sleep.

Hopefully, you can start on that whole "finding a girlfriend" thing tomorrow. You chuckled to yourself. If you really had "the perfect cock," then that would be a piece of cake.