Signing Up

You looked out the glass wall of the small office inside this 24 hour gym while Susanna the Personal Trainer tapped away at the computer on the other side of the short desk.

“Almost done here, John,” the fit brunette, about your height, told you, as she paused her typing for a moment to give you a polite smile. You returned a nod yourself and with that acknowledgement the pretty fitness guru went back to completing your membership application. You were trying very hard not to stare so turned your attention back out to the gym at large again, pretending to check out what kind of machines were available and hoping she wouldn’t notice you checking out the other female gym members getting in their workouts.

The place was pretty empty and Susanna was one of only two staff on premises at this time of day. You chanced another glance back at the woman, early twenties you guessed, her olive skin evenly tanned. Probably an avid beach goer when she wasn’t sculpting that perfect body at the gym. Your daydream of imagining the woman in a bikini was interrupted when she spun the computer monitor around and presented you with a page full of words.

“As part of policy I’ll need to get you to read through the terms and conditions and agree,” she explained apologetically. “It’s nothing unusual to any other gym, but it’s a little long.”

You nodded again.

“That’s fine.”

“The jist of it is that you can cancel the membership within 7 days for a full refund, but after that the deposit and the full month’s fee you don’t get back,” she went on helpfully as you vaguely skimmed through the wording. “There’s other stuff like… uh… you have to be over 18 to use the equipment unsupervised, what happens if you intentionally damage equipment, how you can freely use anybody inside the gym sexually, what our staffed hours are…”

You nodded as she tried to TL:DR it for you, and you were kind of only half listening and half reading, and taking in even less than 10% of any of that information, but a keyword did get your attention and you looked up from the screen, puzzled.

“Wait what did you just say?” you wondered, and the trainer blinked at you and scratched her chin.

“Uhm… our staffed hours are 7am to 7pm on weekdays, 9 to 6 on weekends,” she replied, repeating the last thing she had said. You frowned and refocused on the terms and conditions page because you’re pretty sure you saw something weird. There it was, and you leaned in closer to make sure you were reading it right.

“Any persons within Day-N-Night Fitness property, at any Day-N-Night Fitness facility across the world, is subject to willing participation in any… sexual activity you, opened bracket John Doe closed bracket, perform if involvement is requested. What?” you read out loud, more incredulous than suspicious. There appeared to be a whole paragraph going on about this. Susanna gave you a quizzical head tilt.

“Is something wrong?” she asked. You watched her for a moment, trying to see if she would crack a smile or something but she was genuinely confused by your confusion.

“Is this a joke? I mean… obviously it’s a joke, who did this? Caitlin?” you tried, knowing your older sister had a sick sense of humour but still a little unnerved she would go this far. Actually you’re pretty sure you didn’t even tell her you were joining a gym…

“Err… I don’t… I’m sorry sir that’s just a standard part of contract,” she said, completely stone faced and completely convincing in her reaction, as if you were the one being unreasonable.

“What so I can just do whatever I want to anybody in any Day-N-Night gym?” you challenged her. She thought about what you said for a second just in case it was a trick question.

“Yes. If you mean sexually, yes. I thought you said you’ve signed up to a gym before...” she added, now concerned. You weren’t sure what to think, having things turned around on you like this. You sat back and crossed your arms, unsure about this entire gymming endeavour you had added to your new year’s resolution however many months ago that was. “Um, I can walk you around the gym and show you how the equipment works and answer any questions you have after you’ve signed up,” Susanna tried, turning the screen back around to herself. “Do you agree to the terms of membership?” she asked, sounding hopeful. This would count as a sale for her after all.