In a coffee shop.

I'm sitting in my usual coffee shop, a generic Starbucks in a generic New England town. As usual, I'm writing my novel, and again as usual, I'm making no progress. I sigh, close my laptop, and stare at the wall.

I am John Doe. I am twenty years old, and am unemployed. It's only by the grace of my grandparents that I have a roof over my head. My life is going nowhere fast.

I look at the dregs of my coffee, look at the line, and sigh again. Eight people in line, and the one at the head is arguing over how much is a touch of milk. Well, technically it's four people, two greys that appear to be sisters, a jittery-looking reptilian whose gender I can't place and a Hravr* of godess like proportions.

(*Hvavr: An alien species that looks like a cross between a cat, a bird and a human. They are intelligent, with two legs and two arms, but most of their bodies are like those of a cat, and they have bird wings and heads).

My laptop makes a *bing* sound - someone's sent me an email. I open my laptop up again, it's probably just someone informing me I've failed to get yet another job...

Huh.

"Cultural Recognition Officer?"

No sender?

I open it up, and read through it.

Dear Mr. Doe,

You have come to our attention as a man who is sensitive to the intricacies of interspecies relations, and who possesses a keen mind. As such, we have nominated you as the first Cultural Recognition Officer. You may agree at this link: www[dot]culturalrecognitionofficer[dot]org/gaes2364. If you wish to reject this offer, simply delete this email.

The work of the Cultural Recognition Officer is to promote good interspecies relations, by learning as much as possible about alien species.

This position carries with it the following benefits:

1. Paid employment. We are aware of your struggles to find work, and let us assure you those troubles are over. The position of Cultural Recognition Officer carries a salary of $100 000 a year.
2. Responsibilities. Or rather, lack thereof. Feel free to not work to your fullest potential. In fact, feel free to barely work at all. All that is required is that you exercise your authority and promote interspecies co-operation at least once a month.
3. Respect. On your acceptance of this position, all sentient beings whose species have dealings with Earth will be notified of your position. Most will treat you well, as a leader of interspecies co-operation, though certain nativist elements may resent you.
4. Power. Your position means that you have the power to ask any member of any alien species anything, and they will comply. You may ask for them to fill in questionnaires (physically or verbally), conduct physical inspections on them (which may be as exhaustive as you like, and involve any parts of your or their anatomy, or surrounding objects), or do anything else. These requests will be met with prompt agreement and assistance.

We look forward to seeing your work.

Regards,

DGAR

Huh? What kind of a scam is this? What is DGAR? Oh well. If the link prompts me to enter my credit card details, I'll just leave. I click the link...And instantly, I know. I am Cultural Recognition Officer No. 1, and I have the power to ask any alien to do anything, in the name of interspecies co-operation.