Ralph, 25, directionless and hates his life

You partied with a small group of friends last night, spending all the money you had going out, and doing blow until the sun came up...you blacked out at some point, but finally came-to in a coffee shop around 1pm the nest day, you wonder how long you've been there, and how many coffees you've drank, the ice toddy in your hand half-way gone.

You're sitting at a table with a notebook in front of you, and you assume you must have bought it while you were drunk, but when you open it the first page has hand-writing that you don't recognize...and it says...

"The world runs on rules. Schools and companies have their handbooks. Neighborhoods have their homeowners associations. Even countries have their laws. You spend all day following rules. Wouldn't it be nice if you could be the one writing the rules for once? Now you can. This is the Rulebook. Simply put the name of an organization and write your rules. Any rule you can think of will be followed by everyone in that organization.
You can write Old Rules and New Rules. People will treat Old Rules casually, like they've been around forever. The world will even change to accommodate Old Rules as you write them. On the other hand, New Rules only go into effect once you've written them down. People will still follow them, but they may express nervousness, embarrassment, excitement, or other emotions about them.
Oh, and One last tip: make sure you use a pencil. Wouldn't want you regretting your changes."

You rub your eyes, not sure that what you're reading is making any sense. You think that you're probably still drunk, or somewhere between that and hungover, and the come-down from the coke is giving you a headache. You're feeling very self-deprecating at the moment, but you decide to write a rule in the notebook because you clearly have nothing to lose. You don't believe in shit like this, and actively make fun of the people you know that are into astrology...but you decide to give it a shot.

Organization: Humanity

Old Rule - Hangovers from **** don't exist, **** actually hydrates humans.

You write in tiny print hoping no one walks by and sees what you're writing...You stop for a second and realize beside the side effects of having done cocaine last night, you feel great. You feel better than you have in years. You decide to edit the entry...

Old Rule - Hangovers from **** and **** don't exist. **** hydrates humans, and intoxication has no longterm negative side effects. ****, of all kinds, when taken recreationally, have no longterm negative side effects.

You instantly feel amazing, and then you notice a small group of people cutting up lines of cocaine on a glass-top table. You look around to see if anyone notices, and you hear the barista call someones name, "Jeff! 8-ball of Colombian!", and a man walks up to the counter and grabs a small plastic container of white powder. All the tables now have glass tops..."cool" you say. Realizing how effective this rulebook really is...

You decide to change a few other things,

Organization: The Rulebook

New Rule - The owner of the rulebook will always be the one who wrote this rule, and no one else will notice when the owner is writing in the rulebook unless the owner asks them to read it. The rulebook is water-proof, and fire-proof. If the rulebook is outside the owners home, and more than 10 feet away from the owner, everyone will know to bring the owner the rulebook without opening it or having any interest in it.

New Rule - The owner of the rulebook is has a penis that is 8 and half inches long, and 7 inches in circumference. The owner of the rulebook has testicles that are the size of large chicken eggs, are immune to blueballs, and produce 10-12oz of seman per ejaculation. The owner of the rulebook does not have a limit for the times he can ejaculate in a day. The owners penis can not get sore, get rashes, or rug burns from over stimulation, or overuse. His body is immune to STIs, STDs, and any sickness, infection, virus, or disease. The owners seman is the most pleasant tasting thing in the universe.

"That should probably cover a few things I hate about myself." You think...