Yell At Them

"Hey assholes, I can hear everything you're saying!" Your voice pierces the thin fabric of your tent as you scold the three. At the same time a light turns on in the tent, allowing them to make out the bipedal and quadrupedal silhouettes of a girl and her Bulbasaur. Your Pokedex does not give off a tremendous amount of light though, so they can't really make out your figure.

"Oh! See! I knew it was a girl! We're going to have fun tonight!"

"Can it, Marcus! Anyway, look girl, you knew what you were getting into when you became a Pokemon trainer. It's not our fault you chose it."

"Yea. If you didn't want to be used like a set of holes you should have gotten a real job. Like a secretary or cheerleader."

These assholes. Even in their vision of a real job they reduce to women to most cliche of roles. If you weren't outnumbered three to one you'd march right out there and clobber them. You've got to play this right though and keep them talking.

"Are you for real? It's your job too, asshole! Besides, I didn't become a trainer to let pervs like you use me. I'm going to become the Champion and reform this fucked up system that let's creeps like you prey on women." You berate them through the tent, your voice causing a bit of an echo.

"Oh! You're feisty! I love it! Don't take it so personally, girl. It's just how it goes. Boy fights girl. Boy fucks girl."

"A girl? As the Champion? Fat chance! It'll never happen. Have you seen how the league is structured?"

They have a point. Even if you were to get all eight gym badges, it wouldn't mean a damn thing. The Elite Four system is built to only allow chosen trainers to become champion, and there hasn't been a female champion in fifty years.

"The word is ****, moron. And if I get strong enough not even the Elite Four can stop me!" You taunt them. Now is the time to put your plan into motion. "I certainly won't be stopped by you bozos!"

"Oh you're asking for it, girlie. For you, I'll keep going all night!"

The three walk around to the front of your tent, and then **** themselves inside.

"A quick battle followed by a lengthy... What the fuck!"

"What's wrong Marcus? Is she an uggo-WHOA!"

All three guys stand just inside the tent, staring in shock at the sight before them of a Wobbuffet in a dress and a Slowpoke with a bag of socks on its back. "Wo-bbuh-buh!"

"What's wrong fellas? Am I not everything you were expecting?" Your voice comes out of your cellphone clipped to the dress. A wireless bluetooth headset allowing you to speak through it. It's a good thing they were so busy trying to make out your figure on one side of the tent they missed you crawl out the other side. Just as planned!

Suddenly, several vines shoot out from behind them and wrap around their torsos and drag them out of the tent. Being held upside down, two by Tangela and one by Bulbasaur; you stand in front of them, smiling.

"So, what was that about splitting me between the three of you?" You ask with a devilish smile on your. All three of the fellas gulp as they realize they have fallen into your trap.