Take on the law!

"Everyone - no cameras, no video recordings ok?!" you call. It probably doesn't matter but you aren't sure you want to be an internet sensation just yet. The onlookers do what they're told. Some in fear turn and leave already.

"Come forward with your hands up!" yells an intimidating black man in a police uniform from about the center of the cordon.

You scan them - 6 men and two women. probably 4 of the men intimidating physical presences, 1 older and 1 a lot fatter. Of the 2 women, one was an overweight blonde, and the other quite a hot looking black girl. Oh dear, she was going to have some fun you thought.

You shrug and put your hands up in the air and walk halfway to the cars.

"Williams, cuff him!" calls the leader, three chevrons on his sleeve. Sergeant was it?

The fatter man from the side walks up to me, taking his handcuffs from his belt. "Right son, hands behind your back. Lets make this easy.", he says in a gentle coaxing voice.

You grin, and wait till he's within reach and snatch the cuffs from him. You realise that although he's overweight, you're just a skinny geek with no practical fighting skills beyond those on computer games but you figure yeah, you got this.

"Hey, come on now. Give that back", says Williams, dismayed.

Williams isn't really the challenge, its the next two dispatched by a silent hand gesture from the leader from both sides running in for a take down. You pick the left side, a tall muscular one wearing mirrored sunglasses. You imagine he gets off on his power, and draw back your arm and launch a punch straight at his face. He ducks athletically and goes to tackle you, then swerves just before impact and throws himself to the ground. You're actually thrown off balance by your own swing so much it looks like you might fall, but Williams steps behind and catches you and sets you right, just as number 2 barrells down on you. He seems to be going for a headlock, then stops confused and you swing what you feel is an uppercut at his abdomen. He doesn't flinch. Its your best shot dammit. He looks confused. You hit him again. "Owww", he grunts, but still not the desired effect.

"Fuck sake" you growl at him, "fall down and look as if it hurts!"

"Ow," he says and looks pained, starting to fall, unconvincingly just before you slug him a third time.

That didn't go as well as you had hoped. You had visions of waltzing through them dishing out blows heroically. Oh well. The remaining group still had their guns trained on you. "Lie on the ground now and put your hands behind your back", bellowed the sergeant.

Oh give it a rest you thought. Time to wrap this up. You still had your eye on one of them.

"Quiet!" you yell, then add, "the male police officers, strip down to your underpants and head into the bank. Once you're in there I want you to partner up and waltz in the main area for another hour before you can leave." You feel quite generous allowing them to keep the underpants, then reconsider, actually, you! and you!" you point out the two physically intimidating jocks you had been trying to have a fight with, "you can lose the underpants".

"You two. Come here. " you indicate the remaining female police officers.

Both of them reluctantly step round their squad cars to stand in front of you. The blonde is seriously overweight and the uniform isn't doing her any favors. Her breasts are straining the uniform shirt buttons in a dangerous way. The black girl is lovely, but you reckon she might look better in something else.

"Stand up straight!" you instruct. "Attention!"

The two of them bring their heels together, hand by their sides and straighten their backs.

You look over your shoulder. Saoirse and the businesswoman are still maybe 30 feet away at the bank door. You beckon them towards you and are pleased to see they follow your directions without the need for speech.

"Girls!" you say as if friends. "What do you think we should do with these two?"