You can’t fuck Misty.

The words fly from your mouth without a hint of hesitation. You want to hurt him, to take something from him. Blue’s grin wanes as he contemplates the consequences of losing. You pause wondering if he’ll even risk losing his chance at the beautiful gym leader. “Oh, I’m going to make you regret even thinking that.” He reaches into his bag pulling out his first pokeball. He throws out a Beedrill. You return suit, throwing out Ekans.

The two of you shout commands. Beedrill stabs at the slithering snake, missing with each hit. Ekans wraps itself around the bug’s body, tightening itself. Beedrill leans in biting Ekans, breaking it’s concentration. Ekans launches at Beedrill ready to sink its teeth into the opponent. Beedrill meets the advance with a stab, knocking Ekans out. “Not a great start for you. If you really wanted to suck dick all week, you didn’t have to challenge me.”

“I’m not losing, just like you’re not fucking Misty! Tingle, you’re up next.”

Beedrill immediately starts jabbing at the Joltik. Luckily Tingle’s small stature makes him a hard target. Webs start flying around the battlefield. Beedrill’s wings are wrapped in the sticky silk before the web bursts with electricity. Beedrill is out. Blue quickly switches out for his Eevee.

When did Blue get such a rare pokemon? It must pay off being an Oak. Eevee jumps into the air avoiding the web-covered ground and firing a beam of stars at Tingle. Tingle is hit unable to dodge the tracking projectiles. Tingle returns fire trying to hit Eevee, but is unable to land a solid hit. Meanwhile Eevee continues to barrage him with stars, until Tingle is unable to battle.

You throw out Combee. However your inexperience together leads to a quick defeat at the hands of Blue’s Eevee. You and Blue stare at each other intensely. You throw out Runt. The two pokemon growl at each other. An instant rivalry born. Runt tries dodging the series of stars, only to be hit every time. She closes the distant biting into Eevee’s mane. Eevee struggles to free himself from Runt’s grasp. Firing bursts of stars that circle around hitting Runt again and again. Eventually they both fall limp, unable to battle.

You’re down to only Carvanha and Wartortle. You gulp, thinking of what will happen if you lose. No, you can’t let yourself think that way. You trust in your team to beat Blue. Your rash anger filled decision can’t backfire on you. Justice will be served.

Carvanha vs. Dratini. Brothers from the fish merchant. Two pokemon paid for with your body. You and Blue quickly shout orders. Carvanha disappears in a blur of water, ramming into the dragon. Dratini sends out a wave of draconic energy knocking Carvanha back. Dratini follows up with a slew of mini tornadoes. Carvanha deftly dives between the cyclones, closing in to bite the tiny dragon. Dratini struggles sending out waves of electric and draconic energy. Nothing seems to faze Carvanha as he continues to bite his foe. Dratini is out, Carvanha stands victorious.

Carvanha wastes no time, jetting towards Blue’s Zubat immediately. The unexpected blow knocking him out. You’re glad Carvanha is on your team, not as thrilled about how he joined but glad nonetheless. Blue does not look happy. “It’s all up to you, but you can handle two water types,” Blue says before throwing out his Ivysaur.

His last pokemon. Victory is in sight. “Carvanha, you got this.” The battle continues as you command Carvanha. Launching itself at Ivysaur, Carvanha lands a solid hit but when he pulls away something is odd. He’s covered in small plants. Leech seed. Carvanha winces as the plants sap his strength. The two pokemon exchange blows, but the seeding keeps Ivysaur strong as Carvanha grows weaker in each exchange. Before long, Carvanha is unable to battle.

“This looks familiar. Remind me how this ended last time,” Blue shouts with a grin as you throw out Wartortle. “Oh yea it ended with my dick in your throat.”

“I hope you enjoy living in the past, because Misty isn’t in your future.” Blue’s scowl makes you question your decision to antagonize him, but it’s too late now.

The two starter pokemon square off once again. Both having more experience with battling than last time. Ivysaur puffs a purple cloud into the air. Wartortle sweeps the cloud away with a spray of bubbles.Vines swat at Wartortle. Bubbles hit Ivysaur. The two of them exchange blows whittling down each other’s health. The two dive at each other sending out a stream of bubbles and leaves. The attacks collide, exploding in the air. The explosion kicks up dust concealing the two pokemon. As the dust begins to settle, a single dark shadow stands while the other is lying on the ground.

The battle has been decided. But who is the victor? Ivysaur? Wartortle? Are you doomed to a week of prostitution? Or have you denied Blue of claiming his prize in the Cerulean Gym? You wait on baited breath as the dust settles.