Nuns Vs. Knights

In front of a smaller than average congregation, unusually attended by a few of the kingdom's notably agnostic Knightly Order of Dyna, the head priestess of the Holy Church of Merridan addressed "her flock," as it were... even though the warriors in attendance actually outnumbered her faithful.

"In conclusion, give generously, my brothers and sisters. A heart that strays from our divine creator, Geod, is a heart that is susceptible to corrupt thoughts and malice against one's fellow man. A being with such a heart cannot receive Geod's love nor reciprocate it... Our city of Merridan only survives in these dark times thanks to the protection of the church. Indeed, our prayers and Geod's divine intervention have protected this city for centuries. Do not let our proud traditions fall in favor of, ahem, sacrilegious fashion..."

The speaker in front of these lines of unfilled pews was the high priestess of Merridan, Clara Fauxbright. Her gold and white raiment resplendently identified her as the leader of the holy church, but just as much so did other elements: her flaxen golden hair, curled neatly into a bun behind her head, which, loose, apparently reached down to her massive bosom. That charitable bosom had brought many a wayward soul to seek congregation. Atop it and upon her robes, a golden trinket jingled: a necklace with a pendant, made in the shape of a silver heart, cut into quadrants by a gold cross. Her face, with glistening blue eyes, long lashes, and full, red lips, made her seem ageless, no matter how long she served as the head of the church.

Today, her peaceful countenance was at odds with her words, a passive-aggressive sermon intended to lash out at her most hated enemy, the knight's order. Directly disrupting her, a recognizable knight in the back raised her hand, as if asking to be called on to speak, then simply continued giving her piece anyway. "Yo, Clara! How about throwing in some words of thanks for Captain Dyna and all of her knights?" the warrior lady chuckled, looking at the back-pew attendants next to her as they all nodded in agreement. "We're the ones who're using our swords and shields to drive back demons. Maybe there was some kind'a barrier of Geod at some point, but these days, the people rally behind us!"

"The people of the city of Merridan are... briefly... confused," the priestess spoke, working hard to maintain composure on her smiling face. "In time, they will realize that all the safety they enjoy is due only to their faith in Geod and their generous donations. Then, that faith will be redoubled and those donations returned ten-fold! The church is the only that can protect our beloved city."

"Yeeeeeah, well, good luck with that," the other woman responded, sighing and kicking her shapely legs, clad in tight black trousers, up on the pew in front of her, shaking her brown short boots defiantly and with boredom. The young lady was Knight Captain Dyna, but she was like no knight captain the king would ever employ... only in the backwoods sanctuary of Merridan could she have found a foothold. Her small (but voluptuous) body belay her fierce strength and abilities. If the church employed an invisible wall to protect the people, she was the visible one. Her bushy, purple-black hair and smirking smile, in combination with her simple red tunic and light armor, didn't lend her the same untouchable aura the high priestess enjoyed, but she drew crowds of loyal fans all the same. Her pendant, a shield with bat-like wings, hung loosely from a chain about her neck, with a matching one adorning the armor of every knight in her small band.

"If you keep giving sermons like this, you're gonna drive the rest of those confused people away too. This is the first and last time I'm attending, but I got business here!" the plucky captain shrugged, leaning back further in the pew and spreading both arms. The priestess gave no further argument, instead simply finishing her sermon with an "Amen," and gesturing for those attended to begin their exodus.

That business the captain spoke of? To the surprise of all, once the crowds cleared out, it turned out to be confession in the church's private booths. However, before she could make it across the regal red carpet to the confession booths, she found the door slammed in front of her. Clara Fauxbright had gone in first! Dyna groaned and returned to her seat in the back of the church, as she was still just a shade too moralistic to listen in on a private confession.

Confessor Broomi, one of the church's most trusted confidants, had risen from being a poor peasant girl to now serving in a role where daily, she heard the worst secrets of the upper crust in Merridan. They made her giggle and, at times, she couldn't help but her position a little to offer funny advice or joke around with people. Still, she felt a sense of pride in resolving so many of the city's issues, offering a good word here and there and friendly advice. What she had learned was that, foremost, people only want a little confidence that they aren't such bad people and that perhaps one little white lie or slip of moral character could be forgiven. In a moralistic, prudish society, so long dominated by the church, she'd often found it hard to act out, so she got her fun where she could manage to.

The number one complaint she heard wasn't related to the demon lord's army. It wasn't related to the waning profits of the church, nor the uphill battle of the knights struggling to be accepted by those staunch, devout church-goers. The most common complaint?

Sexual frustration.

And why not? The church was well-known to be filled with distinct beauties, so stunning that they were thought of by some as angels. The knight's order, while new in its establishment, was also founded by noted hotties, just as capable of stirring the loins to action as the most comely courtesans of that useless king's court. Day by day, men (and women) witnessed these spectacular celebrities defend their town... a town mired in old church laws and fear of Geod... and worried that their lust would go unrequited forever. She had even been privy to a person or two using her confession booth as a private place to masturbate! She'd cleared her throat loudly to run those few off.

But overall, she was sympathetic to the people. She was also mischievous. The young girl straightened her habit's hood over shoulder-length brown hair, looking mostly unremarkable, besides that cute, challenging smile that belonged on some tomboy playing in the church's yard, more than it belonged on the city's confessor. Broomi saw the people's unrequited passions everywhere she looked... and sure, she was sexually promiscuous herself, but it would take a lot more than the physical efforts of her lingeringly child-like body and the services of the city's over-worked whore-houses to get people what they needed. The people wanted those nuns and knights...!

She pondered the right answer as she sat in the dark confession booth, a simple, wooden, humble structure that she always felt suited her desire to fade into the shadows and make mischief. As the door opened and someone entered, she shook her head to and fro, trying to dispel her own impure thoughts as she focused on helping others.

To her surprise, the next voice to speak was that of the church's highest priestess... Clara Fauxbright.

"Forgive me, Confessor, for I come to you today a lost lamb of Geod," the voice sighed from the other side, laden with heavy considerations and hesitation. "You must know the state of the church. We are not as well loved as once we were and I fear the voice of Geod grows further all the time."

"Indeed," Broomi answered, wringing her hands together on the other side. This seemed like it was going to be a particularly difficult challenge for her... Miss Fauxbright was the highest authority of the church, next only to Geod. What advice could a Confessor offer her?

"Those blasted... ahem... those knights who've come in recently are making the work of the church harder than ever before. Our prayers- in combination with the people's gracious offerings- have always been perfectly sufficient to repel the demon lord's armies. Why don't the citizens see that?"

"Hmmm... Perhaps rather than blaming the citizens, you should be focusing on what can be done to win the people back?" Broomi offered, feeling more practical than usual. "You simply need to offer something that the knights can't. The problem, of course, is that the church and the knights are just redundant."

The voice on the other side scoffed, perhaps thinking that such blasphemous words didn't belong inside the church, but then it sighed. "You are right, my child. I have something else to confess... though perhaps you've known for some time now. I- and many of the other heads of the church- are actually angels, sent from Geod. We are... not so different from humans. We disguise ourselves and lead humans on the proper path of love for Geod, without revealing our presence. I only tell you now because these are such times. I do not want to see the city fall to ruin as mankind surrenders its caution and allows the demons inside. Our powers are based on faith... and only faith in the church will repel those demons. Without it, we cannot maintain the barrier that keeps servants of the demon lord at bay. I've watched this city for decades now without aging... but I fear now these knights will take it from me."

Broomi's jaw dropped open. The high priestess... was a mythical angel?! Furthermore, she'd chosen to imbue kind of knowledge to a nineteen-year-old confessor?! "I see," she answered dumbly, not know what else to say.

"Even in my wisdom and with my love for our creator, I do not see the path forward. How can I fix the wayward wandering of my flock?" the lady asked more directly.

The metaphorical gears inside Broomi's head felt as though they were clicking together, jammed... then, finally, they loosened up. A magnificent idea began to form. If this worked... she could solve everyone's problems in one fell swoop. "Miss Clara, the chief problem is not with the knights and the people's idolatry. The greatest suffering of the citizens today is lust, you see," she answered quietly, trying to maintain dignity in her voice.

"Lust! I see... They're distracted by this lust," Clara answered with mournfulness in her voice.

"Yes! Distracted. The way forward... is to satisfy that lust," the increasingly confident confessor insisted. "What the people seek right now is an answer, an outlet for their carnal desires. If the church could be the body to fulfill those desires, I believe the shift in the peoples' attitudes would be quite favorable. I would highly recommend you find a way for the church, as an organization, to creatively satisfy those bodily needs."

"Is that... so?" the moralistic priestess answered hesitantly, but with a promising level of consideration. "I will think on this. Thank you, my child."

"Don't mention it!" the chipper confessor giggled, before fixing her tone. "I mean, it is well. Go in the peace of Geod. And remember: no less than full commitment to this new practice is going to make it work!"

In any ordinary day, that meeting would have been the highlight and Broomi would have begun the unenviable task of sweeping the empty church. Instead, a second attendant entered. She found herself amazed that they'd waited for Clara to finish her revelation and ask advice. Whoever they were, they definitely weren't kneeling... it sounded like they had leaned their shoulders up against the wall opposite the door instead. Furthermore, she heard something scratching the walls... it sounded a bit like an animal's claws. Unable to help herself, she took a little peak through the dark, cross-hatched grating separating the two rooms.

A demon! There was a demon inside the other room! Whoever was in there, they had small, leathery bat wings growing from their back with horned tips, which were scratching against the wood in the back of the confession booth!

Just as Broomi was about to shout in panic, she heard the knight captain's voice. Surely the knights would save her from this demon! Wait... the voice was coming from inside the room? Oh. Oooooh...

"Confessor Broomi, right? I feel like you're the one person I can trust in this place, since I also sorta feel like you're the only person here I've ever seen in the tavern before," the knight captain, Dyna, greeted her attendant. "So I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: I'm a demon."

Well, she'd figured that out by now!

"An imp, specifically. I defected from the demon lord's army and brought a couple of other demons here to protect this place, since I heard it's one of the nicer parts of the kingdom. Wanted to make sure the demon lord didn't get his hands on it. Only, once my friends and me got here, armed ourselves, and started kicking ass, your fucking church got jealous! Now we've got all kinds of sanctions against where we can hold our demonstrations and training drills, we've got restrictions on where we can use our weapons... your church has it out for us, big time! We need even more of the people on our side so we can finish taking the reins here and do things the way that works. How do we resolve this little dispute, you know, for the good of the common people I came here to protect?" Dyna questioned, her red eyes flashing as she grinned through the window. Newly revealed fangs glinted inside her smiling mouth.

Broomi felt frozen for a moment... until the same clarity as before hit her. The perfect answer...

"Weeeell... I shouldn't be telling you this as a member of the church, but the key to gaining power in the current climate would be to satisfy the carnal desires that the people feel. Honestly, they're hornier than they are anything else. If you want to win their hearts, the quickest way is through their, er, genitals," the confessor answered, trying not to sound too giddy as she offered her suggestion. "What I mean to recommend is this: you must find a way for the knightly order, as an organization, to creatively satisfy the people's bodily needs."

"What... the hell? Wait, no! That makes sense!" the demon on the other side resolved, slapping he fist into her palm. "Damn, you're good! That snooty Fauxbright never would have thought of something like this! If my knights and I give the people sex shows, a little under the table or back of the alley action, all that good stuff... then we'll be providing a new service the church'll never think up! That'll be the nail in their coffin! Heh heh! Don't worry, when you're out of work, the knights will take you in!"

"He he... It sounds like I've got a lot to look forward to, anyway," Broomi responded, feeling her face beginning to get hot. In fact, it was beginning to feel like a sauna inside the confession booth, wrapped in her heavy black nun's habit. What had she done?! In the span of about half an hour, she may have just turned the church and the knight's order both into gangs of perverts, looking to turn the city of Merridan into a carnival of sexual pleasures!

As the knights left the church, Broomi exited the confession booth nervously. She found the church empty... the perfect time to sweep up.

Or maybe to duck back in and masturbate for just a little while. She did so, thinking about all of those noble, lovely ladies, pillars of the Merridan community, who would soon be following the confessor's private advice.

In the span of a single morning, secret manuals described as hymn books had been distributed among all the priests, the clergy, the nuns, and the rest, detailing how, on a trial basis, the church was advised to use sexual favors of all kinds as a means of converting new faithful and increasing donations. When one such manual made its way to Broomi, she found her hands shaking, unable to believe the impact she'd had on the long-running organization.

To further that surprise, rumors had it that the knights were beginning to take a similar stance, using such behavior to increase donations to the city's army and win over the hearts of the people, chipping away at the influence of the church.

So began a cold war, fought not with weapons, but with bodies! The bodies of sexy nuns and knights, as well as the sexual tactics they employ, will be what determines the future of the city of Merridan!