Dare

Xander was putting all his faith in the Master P.C. Hoping there wasn't any foul ups. If he was wrong, he was dead. He was going to tell Buffy what to do and count on his new ability of talking anyone into anything to see him through.

Clearing his throat he faced Buffy, "Okay, Buff, what's the real reason your ticked. Tell me the truth."

"You are FUCKING MY MOM!" Buffy yelled.

"Yes, and? You want Joyce to be happy, right?" Xander asked. "She deserves to be happy, right?"

"Well, yeah, but-" Buffy blustered.

"Ah-ah-ah. Joyce deserves to be happy." Xander talked over Buffy. "We all agree, right? I agree."

"I do. I do." Joyce said with a laugh.

Buffy looked away and bobbed her head, "Fine. Yes. Mom should be happy."

"Great. We are agreed Joyce should be happy. Now, having a sex life makes Joyce happy, right?" Xander looked between the two Summers women and they both nodded, reluctantly in Buffy's case. "So no one has a problem with Joyce having a sex life, right?" again the two Summers women nodded, eventually in Buffy's case.

Buffy slouched into a pout, "Ugh, just shut up Xander. We both know what the problem is."

"And that is?" Xander asked. "What is the problem? The real problem. The one real true answer. Not the easy answer. Search your feelings. Whats the one answer you aren't even telling yourself."

"You." Buffy pointed at him. "I don't care if mom fucks someone. She can fuck half of Sunnydale. She just can't fuck you."

"Why?" Xander pressed, "Tell me the real reason."

Buffy stomped her foot in a petulant display, "Your mine! You are my Xander. If anyone with the name Summers is going to fuck you it should be me!"

Xander blinked as his brain ground to a halt, "Wait, what?"

Buffy spun away and stamped to the other side of the room, "Am I not hot enough? Am I ugly? I don't do it for you anymore? Is there something wrong with me?"

"Oh, Buffy, honey, there's nothing wrong with you." Joyce raced after her daughter and wrapped her in a hug.

"What?" Xander asked, trying to reboot his brain. "But... I... I'm... You... What?"

"Xander." Joyce chided.

Shaking Xander turned and faced the Summers women. "I thought... I was one of the girls. I thought you didn't, uh, like me like that. I'm your Xander shaped friend. You- I- I asked you out and you turned me down."

Buffy sniffled, "Willow, duh."

Xander rubbed his face with both hands, "You gotta be kidding me."

"She staked her claim the first day we hung out. And I was trying to be a good friend. So I shot you down." Buffy explained. "Then you were dating Cordelia and Willow was dating Oz. And then things were weird. And now I find out you've been fucking my MOM!" she snapped out the last bit.

Xander tried to wrap his mind around this new situation. How in the hell had this happened? Why was Buffy carrying a torch for him? In a world where Angel was a chick had Xander never had any competition for Buffy's affections? Was that it? She certainly hadn't been lusting after him before he got his hands on Master P.C.

"Xander." Joyce poked him. "Say something."

"I- I had no idea." He told her, Xander turned to Buffy, "I had no idea. You said no. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Willlllooooow." Buffy sang out.

"For fucks sake." Xander grabbed two fistfuls of hair, "Well, what do you want me to do? Honestly, from the bottom of your heart tell me what you want me to do. Unlock your deepest darkest secret desires and tell me what you want me to do here. Tell me what you want, what you really, really want." He resisted the urge to add 'zigga-ziggah' as he ventured into Spice Girls territory.

Buffy flushed a deep red and took a moment to think. She looked at Joyce. She looked at Xander. Buffy took a deep breath and centered herself before answering.