James, a bitter 30 year old virgin

James couldn't believe his luck when the notification came up on his phone. He'd been chosen. He'd been chosen for GenieUs!

Finally, his luck was changing. While not an unintelligent guy, he was schlubby and nerdy, and had thus never gotten laid, or had a girlfriend. Over time, he'd started to sour, to turn bitter, to begin fantasising unhealthily about co-workers and random women he knew.

He'd been so unpopular in high school, a victim of bullying, and had developed something of a complex about it. But with three wishes, he could have the life he'd always dreamed of. James opened the app as soon as it had finished downloading, the blue interface showing a cartoon genie and scrolling text. "Hello, James. You have: three wishes. Would you like to use one?"

Yes and No buttons appeared. and James's thumb hovered over the button. He finally hit Yes. The genie flashed brightly, and the animation showed it smiling. "What is your wish, o master?" the text appeared in the box. A microphone appeared at the bottom of the screen, indicating to speak into it.