Life Sucks, So Does Everyone In It

"Rats! How could I have lost?!" the cloaked entity said, retracting its hand.

"Lucky rock saves the day!" you said in victory.

"Fine, here's your gift. Let me give you the manual" the entity said while straightening up.

"You'll get the power of mind control. Anything you want someone to do, they'll do it."

"Wait, anything anything?"

"There are conditions for sex."

"Alright, tell me them."

"First, you can order someone to strip out of clothes without any strings attached. Second, if you want to get anyone to bed with you, it entirely depends on their perception of you. Once you start to initiate what is perceived as the "sexual demands", the woman, or women, of your choosing will undergo a supernatural selection process. Their eyes will momentarily glow slightly and they will walk around you doing a full body scan. Your attributes will be assessed against their ego, their desires, and a decision will be made. If everything in their mind points to "I will have sex with this guy", they are COMPLETELY under your control; something that only occurs after assessments. This is a safety precaution to keep sick fucks from going and preying on youngins."

"You know, that's pretty "un-evil" for a demon to have legit conditions on a deal. I always imagined that demons would let you do literally whatever you wanted with a deal like this... not that I would ever do that last thing you said because I'm into MILFs and nothing more."

"I never said I was a demon."

After a brief silence, the entity started back up.

"Third, after the assessment is passed and you have put your seed into their mouth, vagina, and ass, they will fall madly in love with you to the point where they most likely wouldn't need much swaying for your commands."

"Okay, got it. Give me a tangible manual too so I can reference that as well. Also, since I won that at that other game, I want another power."

"GOD, FINE! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?"

"Give me the power for super erections coupled with being able to cum like a busted fire hydrant so I'm always good to go and can go for a long fucking time!"

"Granted, may we never meet again, mortal."

"That was one hell of a dream", you think to yourself after waking up and stretching.

You walk down stairs to see if anyone else is home. You see a sticky note on the counter in your kitchen and read it. "Dear son, we left on our trip to Europe to visit your Aunt and Uncle. We will be back next month. Do not worry about expenses, they will be taken care of during our absence".

You put on your house shoes and walk out to get the mail.

Upon walking outside, you also realize that your trashcans are still out in front of your house.

"Aw, nads. I really don't want to take the trashcans back in", you mumble to yourself as you trudge towards your mailbox. The thought of mind control snaps back into your head. You sarcastically throw your hands out and aim them at your neighbor, Mr. Done, who was getting his mail as well and think to yourself "take my trashcans in, crony".

Shockingly, Mr. Done drops his mail and starts to walk across the street to your mailbox. Mr. Deng grabs your trashcans and brings them to the front of your garage.

You watch in astonishment as Mr. Done carries out the deed.

Mr. Done heads back to his mailbox, picks up his mail and acts like nothing just happened.

You stare at your hands and then start to look around for another person.