Reality Remote - Familar of Zero

Saito stared at the object in Kirche’s hand, once again feeling out of his depth. Why would that be here?

“Come on, Saito. What kind of powerful magical artifact is it? It’s small so it can’t be as good as that flying machine… is it some type of weird wand from your world?” asked Kirche excitedly.

The six of them were standing within a cave they’d just finished clearing of a rather nasty nest of giant spiders. After defeating the last group of them, they’d discovered an honest to god treasure chest covered in webbing. It was times like these that Saito got that déjà vu feeling, like he was playing a role playing game rather than struggling to get by in this magical world. One of the busty redhead’s fire spells took care of the webs and soon enough the girl had pulled out an actual television remote.

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Uh…no. It’s actually pretty useless. It’s a device that um… controls another device… so yea, I guess you could say it’s a wand but it only works on a television set, a machine which we don’t have.” Saito looked around but there wasn’t anything else of interest in the room other than spider corpses, webbing, and rock formations.

Montmorency, who was currently avoiding looking at all of the corpses and sticky spider webs by pressing up closely to Guiche, said, “Perfect! A waste of time! Can we please go now?”

As her boyfriend murmured some soothing nonsense, Saito’s master nodded, “Yes. Let’s. Professor Colbert will be interested in it even if it is useless.”

If Tabitha was bothered by their location, she didn’t show it as she somehow read her book with only the light from Flame’s flame.

Kirche sighed dramatically causing her boobs to bounce dramatically but she extended her hand offering him the remote. Saito took it gingerly, interested in it for the reminder of home it represented if nothing else. It was one of those big universal remotes used for controlling an entire home entertainment system, though he didn’t see a company’s label on it anywhere. The buttons were oddly marked as well.

He had little time to puzzle it out however as his light quickly faded. Looking up, he saw Kirche and her familiar disappear around a turn in the cave along with the rest, plunging him into darkness. With a squawk of surprise, he shoved the remote into his pocket and hurried after them.

Sometime later they were on the road back to the Academy, their quick weekend adventure coming to a close. Saito sat next Kirche on the carriage’s front, the redhead apparently preferring the open air to the comfort of its inside. That and she apparently liked whipping the horses with the reins. Tabitha rode Sylphid a few meters to the side and their front, occasionally they’d take to the air but at the moment they were ambling along the path. Louise, Guiche, and Montmorency were inside the carriage but from the blonde’s nonstop giggles, Saito imagined an exasperated Louise would be coming out soon.

Saito combated his boredom by studying the remote. It was just so strange. The buttons had labels that made no sense to him. BE, PE, TS, ANTHRO, MC… the list went on and on. Idly, he pressed the ON button not expecting it to actually work given the length of time it had been in that chest. Surely, the batteries were long since dead. Except, a little green light lit up at the top of the remote. Odd… but then again, the Zero plane had spells preserving it. Couldn’t this too? Seemed a waste given how useless this was without something to turn on.

He noted a yellow light was on near the bottom of the remote, next to a button labeled RM. He pressed it once, turning off the light and then again to turn it back on. He shrugged and pressed the button labeled BE, this one being the very first one at the top of the remote.

Nothing happened, of course. He held it down as he daydreamed a bit about watching his favorite anime. Looking up, he realized he was pointing it directly at Tabitha. He smirked at the idea of a remote that worked upon people. He knew he’d have a use for the MUTE button when it came to his ‘master’. Saito’s eyes found Tabitha’s immense breasts as she turned to the side to look at something to the west. Predictably, Kirche noticed his look and crossed her arms under her own chest causing her cleavage to expand enticingly. Saito kept his smile to himself as he ogled Kirche, given Tabitha’s small body size it was a bit understandable that her friend would be jealous of her incredible bra size. Especially, considering the way Tabitha wore clothes that hid rather than accented her features, not that anyone would ever really miss her massive boobs.

Absently, he flicked the RM button off figuring its light was draining the finite batteries. When he rested the remote on his lap, Kirche reached over and snatched it up, rubbing her palm on his thigh as she did so.

“Are you sure this doesn’t do anything useful?” Kirche asked as she held the remote with its transmitting end pointed at herself. She pressed one of the buttons, having watched him do the same a moment ago.

Saito blinked. Kirche’s mane of luxurious hair was suddenly a vibrant green. It had been like flipping a light switch, one moment red…the next green. She noted his expression and turned to look at him. He saw her eyebrows now matched her head, thin strips of green hair.

Realization suddenly exploding across his awareness, Saito grabbed the controller from her, “Nope. Nothing at all! Completely pointless! Yep!” he chuckled nervously as his eyes hunted down the remote for what she’d pressed. One of the one’s in the area she’d pressed was labeled Col. That had to be it. He pressed it as the remote pointed at her.

Blue. Again. Blonde. Again. Purple. Brown. Orange. Black. Saito hurriedly pressed the button as Kirche’s hair flashed through all of the colors of the rainbow and into a truly ridiculous number of shades. Finally, he settled on a red color that he thought was close enough and he sighed with relief. Holding he controller cradled to his chest, he noticed Kirche giving him a calculating expression. She wasn’t an idiot. She knew something was different.

Looking furiously at the remote’s face, he searched for something to distract her. He couldn’t let anyone figure out the power of this remote!