The man, the myth, Sterling "Duchess" Archer.

Rather unassuming a slender wooden black box sat on Cyril's desk neatly wrapped with a note "For Cyril". As the gentle sun rose over the city casting through the windows and shining brightly upon the box with potential a loud groan rumbled through his office, Archer rose hungover and exhausted he'd been up all night drinking his way through Cyril's "secret" stash of **** he'd gotten from loved ones for various milestones. Archer had made it all the way up to Cyril passing the bar when Archer passed out drinking at his bar, his head was killing him but he knew more **** seemed to always help. Spotting the box he shook it "Is Cyril getting gourmet chocolate delivered? Hopefully it comes with liquor." Inside was what seemed to be a simple remote

• Off/On
• Play/Pause
• A set of arrows in the center along with an "OK" button
• Guide
• BE
• AP/AR
• A symbol that looked like a brain
• Preferences?

What kind of idiot buys a remote without channel buttons? Archer thought giving it some percussive maintenance i.e smacking it in the attempt to make it work when suddenly the lights clicked on. Archer swung to see who it was but the door was still shut he checked the switch to see that it was turned off weird. Archer pointed the remote at the lights again and pressed the on/off and the lights clicked off. Ok what kind of idiot buys a remote for his lights? Archer thought he clicked the arrows but the lights didn't seem to do anything neither did AR or AP or BE "C'mon BE doing something" there were buttons on the back but either they weren't working or he was still too hungover to figure out what they did with the lights.

Finally his finger grazed the guide button and before his eyes was a green menu with hundreds of options, sliders and drop down menus. Archer struggled to not let the sudden flood of information knock him off his feet. He noticed that all the "guide" was about surrounded the lights; how they functioned, what the put out when on, how old they were and complex options to make them do something if something else happened, straining Archer pressed the guide button again and the menu disappeared.

"God I think my brain is going to vomit and I'm going to join it" clutching his head when he heard a ding, it might have been the tinnitus but that was more of a dull constant annoying buzz, that was the elevator. Tuck and rolling out of Cyril's office Archer rolled behind a desk and after his head stopped spinning he saw his usual "co-workers" were piling out Pam and Cheryl were clucking like hens, mother was trying to not keep pace with them rubbing her temples. Lana and Cyril made their way in Archer wasn't sure what Cyril had said but he was desperately trying to apologize to a furious Lana. An odd tingle in his brain wondered if the remote only worked on lights...

He aimed it at one of his friends and pressed....