Devil? Angel? How about we go back to being Human, first? With a few improvements, of course

So much to do and so little time to do it in. Xander gave Harmony and the Cordettes the evil eye as he mentally moved on. He would deal with them later, when he had the time.

So what did he want to do next?

Well..... maybe he'd fix a few things that he'd done to himself first. He took a look at the two rules he'd written into the program.

06-since being exposed to fish mutagen while on the swim team Xander Harris began changing. Becoming taller and more muscular. His hands and feet doubled in size. His bones became stronger while at the same he became double jointed with increased dexterity and flexibility. His tongue elongated to ten inches in length and became near prehensile. He gained the ability to hold his breath for more than ten minutes.

Ok, some of this was fine. Still, it definitely needed to be edited and re-done. He'd been a little too hasty with some of what he'd written. After all, he now looked more than a little freaky walking around with gorilla-like hands and feet while the rest of his body was still mostly normal. He couldn't even type properly into the computer anymore! (It was pretty hard to do that when he could accidentally press down 4 different keys because of his huge, fat fingers now).

Quickly glancing around to make sure no one was looking, Xander picked up his pencil and started using the eraser part to type in place of his fingers.

Also, it turned out that you could easily go back and edit your previous commands, which saved him from having to waste any more of his "wishes", since he didn't know how many he'd actually get to do.

Ok, the fish mutagen. He remembered that, and it was pretty freaky all around. He definitely deserved a little something for having to go through all that. Becoming a little taller and getting more muscle seemed like a good deal.

His hands and feet becoming like a gorilla was definitely something he was going to change. Even if Sunnydale Denial Syndrome made it so even Cordy wouldn't notice that he was freakish because of it, didn't mean he wanted to go his life like that. That definitely had to go. He wasn't "Ape-man Xan", after all.

Actually, now that he was looking at it again, Xander was fine with most of it. Being double jointed with stronger bones, increased dexterity and flexibility, on top of what he'd got from the Primal and the Soldier? It was overkill, but something like that was probably what he'd need anyway if he was gonna help out more as part of the Scooby Gang.

He was still debating about the part with the tongue though. Even now it lolled around outside of his mouth, being too long to actually do anything else. Making it prehensile was great, but having it be 10 feet was probably a little too much. He was leaking drool everywhere he went!

After an annoying session of seeking out the right keys to type and the frustratingly slow pace that came with having to use a pencil's eraser to push one key in at a time, Xander finally managed to hit "Enter".

There was a burning sensation in his hands and feet. That was nothing compared to what was going on in his mouth though. It was as if he'd eaten 20 of the hottest chilies known to man and they'd all decided to explode right as he was chewing them!

Once the changes were over, he sighed with relief as he looked at the newly-edited entry on screen.

06-since being exposed to fish mutagen while on the swim team Xander Harris began changing, becoming taller and more muscular. His bones became stronger while at the same he became double jointed with increased dexterity and flexibility. His tongue elongated to seven inches in length and became near prehensile, while oddly still being able to fit in his mouth. He gained the ability to hold his breath for more than ten minutes.

Xander nodded to himself. Yep, this was already a lot better than before. Maybe he should take a look at the next rule too, to see if there was something he could change for the better there too.

Xander scrolled back down to the most recent rule entry.

07-since being exposed to fish mutagen Xander Harris has begun to emit a pheromone that women find attractive and arousing. His semen production has tripled and the scent of his semen can cause a woman to become sexually aroused to near orgasm. His semen has developed an addictive quality. A woman who consumes or is exposed to his semen will find herself needing to taste or to expose herself to it again, the urge growing the longer the woman refrains. If a woman can manage a month without partaking again she will experience nearly crippling withdrawal over a twenty four hour period that will leave her only able to think about Xander Harris, his cock, and his semen. If she can last the twenty four hours the woman will find her craving diminishing.

......Ok, it was official. He was an idiot. Xander felt like facepalming.

After everything that happened on Valentine's day, he'd actually WANTED to go back to being mobbed by everyone?!

Just remembering that day still gave him shudders. It'd started off as just a way to get back at Cordelia (which was an epic fail since she was the only that HADN'T fallen in love with him because of the spell), but then it got pretty good.

A lot of women being in love with him? Him having his own harem? Hell yeah! It was every dude's dream!

.....for all 5 seconds before reality kicked in and he'd had to run for his life!! It hadn't taken long for that "dream" to turn into a nightmare. First of all, the spell had made practically EVERY WOMAN fall in love with him! That didn't just mean Buffy, Ms. Calendar, (or Mrs. Summers, because even if he'd had trouble looking her in the eye after, there was a part of him that really wished he'd taken her up on her offer), but it also meant that even the ones that weren't actually good-looking were chasing him down the street, too!

Or how about the fact that since every woman in town, except Cordelia, had loved him and wanted him for themselves, Sunnydale had practically almost been the site of WW3, complete with the dead corpses of every woman he knew?!

That wasn't even counting the fact that Drusilla had been hit by it, too! Xander loved women, he did! But there was no way in HELL he was going to be shacking up with ANGEL'S kid, even IF she hadn't been a bloodthirsty fang-faced nut who was likely to use her vampire teeth to rip his balls off when she went into one of her episodes.

Oh yeah, this rule definitely needed to be changed.

07-since being exposed to fish mutagen Xander Harris has begun to emit a pheromone that women find attractive and arousing. His semen production has tripled and the scent of his semen can cause a woman to become sexually aroused to near orgasm. His semen has developed an addictive quality. A woman who consumes or is exposed to his semen will find herself needing to taste or to expose herself to it again, the urge growing the longer the woman refrains. If a woman can manage a month without partaking again she will experience nearly crippling withdrawal over a twenty four hour period that will leave her only able to think about Xander Harris, his cock, and his semen. If she can last the twenty four hours the woman will find her craving diminishing.

After he was done looking it over and putting in some last minute editing, it turned into something much more "reasonable", something he'd never thought he'd ever be, which was right below becoming like Principal Snyder.

07-Since being exposed to fish mutagen, Xander Harris has found that his semen production has tripled, now easily being able to fill a cup at the least. Just the smell of it makes women that he finds attractive horny and wet, while the taste of it has become extremely appealing to them as well. Not only that, but Xander Harris now has virtually no refractory period at all, meaning that he can come as often as he wants with no drawbacks.

Xander took a deep breath and braced himself as he clicked "Enter". He'd already gone through this once, after all.

The feeling of his balls being roasted in an oven and burned to a crisp on an open fire was NOT fun at all.