But first

Xander could see that this was going sideways. It was going wrong fast. One look at Buffy's face and he could see the frown starting to form. Buffy had been all come hither smiles and excited sexual energy right up until Joyce had said something. As soon as she remembered her mom was in the room and part of this romantic equation Buffy's mood had soured. Xander chanced a look back and he could see that Joyce was aware that things were going pear shaped.

This wasn't going to be pretty. Looking back at Buffy Xander watched as she squared up and set all her attention on Joyce. The fact that she was a few inches shy of five feet tall did nothing to distract from the looming sense of dread Buffy was projecting.

Xander was suddenly very aware of the fact that he wasn't going to be able to talk his way out of this one. This was going to require drastic measures. When Buffy stalked past him as she marched up to Joyce's desk Xander saw his chance.

Scuttling over to his bag Xander grabbed his laptop out and got it working. He kept his attention focused on his computer and did his very best to keep it that way. He zoned out as best he could, reducing whatever Joyce and Buffy were saying to white noise. Less chance of him being drawn into the epic bitch fest that was no doubt about to go down.

33- Buffy and Joyce Summers are having a honest, heartfelt, openly emotional conversation about their relationship with Xander Harris. They both love him. He loves both of them. They love each other. Joyce and Buffy agree to share Xander Harris and share his love between them. Buffy and Joyce are so certain of their love and so secure in their sexuality that they willing and excited to cement this new relationship with Xander Harris by having a threesome.

Xander looked up and way from his laptop and Master P.C. after hitting enter. He was not disappointed. Buffy and Joyce were hugging each other, happily talking in sweet soft excited tones. The two seemed to notice his gaze as they both looked at him and gave him matching sexy looks. Xander smiled back at them. Joyce and Buffy, at the same time in perfect unison, made a show out of licking their lips lasciviously.

Xander had a moment of perfect terror. He'd never gone down on a woman. Not really. He had Master P.C. memories of doing it. But that wasn't the same as actually doing it. He didn't have a technique or a style. He just barely knew the basics. He know how, what and where and that was pretty much it. He wasn't going to knock anyone's socks off with that kind of lackluster performance.

Buffy and Joyce deserved better than that!

34- Xander Harris is one of the world's leading experts on and one the world's greatest practitioners of Oral Sex. His amazing skill is augmented by an ability to hold his breath for ten minutes and a prehensile ten inch tongue. Both caused by his exposure to fish mutagen last year.

Xander looked up at Joyce and Buffy who were giving him naughty looks and with wink he licked his eyebrows.

With bugged out eyes Buffy actually swooned and had to grab hold of Joyce's desk to keep herself standing. Joyce threw her head back and laughed mischievously, patting Buffy on the shoulder.