They Stole My Dick

Lonny coughed...and then leaned forward and whispered.

"They stole my dick."

Lois Lane raised an eyebrow.

"No, really! One minute I had a dick, and the next minute I've got a hole to piss out of! Not even any balls."

The reporter shook her head. This was too much. Witchcraft, nude rituals in an alley with a human skull, and now a bodyguard who claimed they'd stolen his penis. Obviously he'd suffered some shrinkage from too much steroid ****, or was lying to cover up what really happened.

But Angelica Blaze nodded. "I've read about witches doing that in the Malleus Maleficarum. But why didn't you report this to me?"

Lonny looked at his feet. "I was...kind of embarrassed about it. And they said they'd give it back if I..."

His feet shuffled.

"What did you give them, Lonny?" Lois asked.

"They...wanted access to Mrs. Blaze's office." He said. "Her private office."

The dickgirl's fingers bit into Lois Lane's shoulder. She looked back at her lover and saw the nostrils flare, spine suddenly stiff.

"When were you going to do this, Lonny?"

"Tonight," he said. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I just..."

"Relax, Lonny. You're not in trouble. In fact, you're going to do exactly what you said you would do. You're going to let them straight into my private office."

A smile flickered across Blaze's features.

"And then..."