Larry McNeal Tries One Out For Size

"Well, that's vague," snorted Larry McNeal, bald high schooler in the twilight hours of his senior year and gladly on his way out. Leaning back on the couch, he flung the manual away and aimed the gun at his sister's friend Jane, and pulled the trigger.

A brief flash of light seemed to burst out of the gun, but it was so faint you couldn't even see it if you were barely paying attention. Larry blinked as, five seconds later, a name and headshot appeared on the little square screen on the top of the gun.

"Jane Dodger...blah blah years old... female... holy crap, it even knows she's a Saggitarius." Larry looked up. There she was, tapping her chin as his sister Tara coaxed her to move her chess piece already. The two of them were in the kitchen, because he was 'hogging the living room'. Not his fault he actually used the TV to, you know, watch TV instead of Chromecasting all the time.

Oh, the chess game? It was for a history assignment. Mr. Phillips liked to make it weird, sometimes. This round, they were reporting on a chess game and somehow had to tie that in to the fall of the Byzantine Empire.

Enough soliloquies. He had to shoot his sister with a ray gun.

The girl sat unassumingly before his gun's sights as he lifted it in front of her. "Say sionara, Cleo." Carefully, he aimed, and fired.

Five seconds later, his own sister's profile appeared on the screen. Larry tapped on a menu icon, which opened up a quite extensive list.

"Holy shit," Larry stammered out a laugh in disbelief. "Mother/Daughter.... Pimp/Prostitute... Teacher/Student.. Enemies... Archenemies..."

Shaking his head, he came across the one he was somewhat looking for, and entered it in.

The screen transitioned into a loading screen before blinking away. Next, sprawled across it were three words:

'RELATIONSHIP CHANGE COMPLETE'.

A second passed. Larry looked around. Everything seemed normal to him. TV looked fine. Couch still sucked. Even the birds outside were still chirping like they were competing to see who could make the human go deaf first.

"...ow what, fuck this," came an ever feminine resignation.

Larry blinked. That was Jane's voice. The teen then looked up to see the somewhat plain (ahem) but rather cute enough girl suddenly swipe away the pawns on the chessboard with an arm. She instantly leaned her body over the table, grabbed Cleo by the back of her head, and started making out with his sister right there in the fucking kitchen! Who at first balked, only to smile and giggle and return the now french kissing Jane's wild smooches with just as fiery tongue!

Whoa!! Hot! And lesbian!

Which was totally hot!

Because neither of them were lesbos! In fact, they were so straight they even had boyfriends for crying out loud! At least, until now? Did they? Still?

Huh... how did that work.

"Girls.."

Larry jumped as their mom suddenly came in through the back door with a flower vase, wiping her sandals off with the door mat. He was about to pull up the gun on instinct when what she said next sent him into another state of silence.

"...not too rough now, okay? I know you're wildly affectionate lovers, but that doesn't mean you get to make a mess in MY kitchen. Got it?"

The girls could only offer hasty thumbs up as they started ripping off their shirts, a button from Cleo's flying off and ricocheting against the wall. Mrs. McNeal only rolled her eyes and headed out the front door, not uttering another word about the two girls feeling each other up on the top of the kitchen table as she closed the door behind her.

"Holy shit," Larry whispered, throat a little dry. "Vague ass manual was vague alright."

He looked back down to the screen, with the relationship menu staring back. There were the profiles of Jane and Cleo, in between the current relationship they had, highlighted in black:

WILDLY AFFECTIONATE LESBIAN LOVERS.

A fat grin prying through his cheeks, Larry rubbed the gun like it was a gold bar and he was in the height of the gotdamn gold rush.

"....but the gun works like an effin' charm!"