Something Gained

You drive aimlessly through the city streets. The roads are quiet, it being a weeknight.

At first you and Elsie are both silent, each of you lost in your own thoughts. You had so much racing through your mind. Thoughts and emotions flashing by so fast you couldn't take the time to focus on any one of them. The one constant thread through all of it however was concern for Elsie. She had bared her soul to you, shared her most hidden and most painful secret. You look over at her. Her dark eyes stare ahead, watching the buildings and streetlight flow past. What must she be thinking now? How must she be feeling? You worried about her. This had to be a fragile time for her. Somehow, by worrying about Elsie, it made you feel better about your own lot. You had had a shitty night, but you weren't alone. She had had a shitty few years, but she wasn't alone. You felt like as long as you had each other you could do anything.

After what felt like an appropriate amount of time you finally break the silence.

"El."

"Yeah."

"She'll never hurt you again, okay? Or me. Those days are over."

Elsie sighs and looks to you. She doesn't say anything but you could see in her eyes that she trusted you and she believed you. You reach over and give her shoulder a supportive squeeze.

"You hungry El?"

She gives you a small smile. "I could eat." You recall she'd chosen one of Fiona's wretched looking hot dogs for dinner, yeah she probably was hungry.

"Appetizers?"

She nods. "Sure."

Up ahead you saw one of the big chain restaurants. The food wasn't great but they stayed open late and it was right up ahead. It is not long until you were pulling into the parking lot. There were only a few cars parked and you could already see through the large windows that there were just a handful of customers inside.

When Elsie gets out you put your arm around her and pull her into you. She relaxes into you, rests her head on your shoulder and lets out a soft sigh. You enter into the too bright and too gaudy restaurant and are lead to a booth along the outside wall. From the window you could look out onto the parking lot.

You had barely settled when a waiter, a man about your age, comes up to take drink orders. You are struck by him. He was a looker. More than that, he was downright gorgeous. While you didn't swing that way you could appreciate beauty when you saw it. He was slender, just a touch shorter than you were. His shoulder length black hair was parted in the middle and flowed with a subtle natural wave to it. His skin was tanned, perhaps he was of Spanish decent? His eyes a piercing blue. His features were narrow, boyish, not too dissimilar to your own. You could not help but notice him checking out your sister.

You look across at El. Fuck...you had grown up with her, she had been there with you for all of your remembered life, it was easy to forget just how beautiful she was. Except for Chloe your family was blessed with good looks, but Elsie was something else entirely. She was something truly special. One of those one of a kind beauties you just didn't see very often.

Elsie places her drink order without an upward glance. This handsome young man could be an old hag as far as she was concerned. For the first time it strikes you as odd. The boy was gorgeous, surely that was worth a quick glance. As you scan back through your memories you realize that you could not recall a single instance of her being interested in anyone. Not even a young crush on a boy band member or anything like that.

She had been saving herself...for you.

You place your order and the waiter wanders off toward the kitchen. You nod your head after him. "Cute fella."

El shrugs and smiles. "Sure. Uh...do you like that?"

You laugh softly. "No, I was just saying. I saw him checking you out."

Elsie blushes and giggles. "Stop."

"No, I'm serious. I think he likes you."

"Huh." El says as she busies herself with looking intently over the menu.

You shrug. "Well, if he asks for your number I'd give it to him. You two would be cute together."

You notice Elsie freeze up. You reach across and take your sister's hand. You hold it, massaging it slightly in your hand. Her palm was baby soft.

In a gentle voice you say to her. "I'm your brother Elsie. I love you El, more than anyone else on this Earth. I will be there for you no matter what life throws at us. But I am your brother Elsie. That is important to me. Nothing is more important than that."

She looks up at you. In those fathomless dark pools that were her wide eyes you see...fear. "But Jesse..."

You rub her hand in yours, a warm smile on your face. You slowly turn your head side to side. "No El. I think I know what you want to say. But..." You bring her delicate hand to your lips and kiss it. "It might be the family way, but it is not my way. And...I don't think it should be yours either. We need to break this...insanity. Sorry, I don't mean to judge but...it's messed up El. Mom's got you guys all twisted."

She is quiet for a time. The drinks are brought to you. The waiter, sensing a moment was happening, fades off immediately afterward.

Elsie finally nods, as if she'd come to a realization. "You deserve a normal girl. A nice girl like Allison." She looks away.

You squeeze her hand in yours. "Look at me El...Allison and I are done. I hope we'll stay friends but...that's it. But it doesn't change anything." Your smile grows. "And it has nothing to do with normal or not normal. Elsie, if I wasn't your brother I would move heaven and earth to be with you. You are...my perfect girl. Truly. You are kind, funny, intelligent. I am so proud to have you as my sister."

"But my...condition."

You shake your head. "El, that just wouldn't matter to me. They say love is blind El, but I think they're wrong. Love lets you see things how they really are. The unimportant stuff just...falls away. Elsie, if you meet the right boy, if he truly loves you, I guarantee he will not care about your condition. He will probably only love you more for it. You're special Elsie, you are beautiful." You let out a long breath, just admiring your incredible sister. "Think about Mom and Dad. Or Grandma and Grandpa, oh man, Grandma and Grandpa! Those two are crazy for each other! Think about how much harder it would have been for Grandma back in her day, that didn't stop her. Did it? That didn't stop him. He is goofy romantic with her, they are adorable. You think he let something like what is between Grandma's legs slow him down? I doubt it."

Elsie smiles at the mention of your grandparents. "I guess..."

"There might be some tough times El, but I'll be here for you." You assure her. "I will always be here for you Elsie."

"And I'll be here for you." She nods, a look of wonder on her perfect pixie features. She straightens up in her seat. "You're right...you're right Jesse." You could see a new found confidence growing within her, it made your heart sing with joy. She looks at you with a long soulful gaze. "I...I wish...just once. You and I...." She then smiles and brushes a bang behind her ear. "It would have been fun."

You laugh. "Yes it would have!"

The waiter, seeing the emotions had gotten more upbeat at the table, returns for your food order.

Elsie looks at you with a funny expression. Then she looks up at him boldly and states loudly and proudly. "My brother thinks you are cute!"

You and he both look at each other awkwardly.

Elsie laughs. "I mean...ha ha ha...I think you are cute. We think you are cute. I mean... Ha ha ha! Sorry, I'm not very good at this."

You and the waiter are caught up in El's infectious giggles. You couldn't believe what you had just witnessed, it was wonderful!

"Well...thanks." The waiter grins. "I think you're pretty cute too. What's your name?"

"Elsie!" El chirps.

He then deadpans a blank expression and points at you. "I was talking to him. The cute one."

There is a moment's silence and you all begin to laugh once more. He waves his hand. "I'm kidding. Nice to meet you Elsie, I'm Felix."

They shake hands. You reach out yourself. "Jesse." You shake hands with Felix.

There is some more laughter and joking around before you eventually order a plate of nachos to share. As Felix heads back toward the kitchen Elsie was still giggling.

"I can't believe I did that!" She grins. "Oh my god, I've never felt so...free!"

You shake your head chuckling away. "Oh no, what have I awakened?"

She slaps your hand playfully. "Stop it."

The two of you stare into each other's eyes. You hold hands across the table, like you used to do when you were young. The powerful connection between you made you feel...big...full...happy. You felt ten feet tall. There was a touch of melancholy as well, as if something had been lost, but the smiles on your faces and the joy in your heart told you something special had been gained as well.