Elsie's Pain

(Okay guys, some heavy shit goes down this chapter. Long overdue, though I am not sure where it will lead. Sorry for those hoping for something else, this seemed to be the most interesting thing this time around. Don't say you weren't warned.)

"He he he." Allison crawls up onto the big king size bed and beckons your mother and cousin...and probably anyone else that wanted to stay. She looked so good, a tight little sex kitten ready to play.

Fiona smirks. "Should be quite a show. Allison's going to love Mom! Ha ha!"

You turn your back. It might excite you, but it also left a hollow feeling in your stomach. "Enjoy it Fiona. I guess you got what you wanted, didn't you? You didn't even have to win the bet."

She chuckles and slaps your shoulder. "I always come out on top little bro. Why even try?"

"Yeah...you do." You take a long breath. "But you won't win this bet."

"Pfft." She scoffs. You start to leave, Fiona calls after you. "Where you goin? This should be good. Don't want to watch your girl get..."

"No...no I don't." You say in a low voice. You walk from the room as the giggling trio of Chloe, your Mom, and Allison begin to caress each other.

Elsie follows you out.

"Come on El. Let's get outta here."

She nods. "Okay Jesse."

Elsie goes to her room and you go to yours. Each of you quickly get dressed and meet back in the hallway. You had on jeans and a t blue t shirt. El was wearing a long dress and a mint green collared short sleeve blouse. Fiona at that moment walks from your mother's room. You could hear the laughter escalating, now interspersed with some smooching and moaning. Fiona laughs pointing back behind her. "Whooeee! Getting hot and heavy in there. Come on guys..." She pauses as she notices the pair of you were dressed. "Hey, where are you two off to?"

"None of your business." You snap. You look at Fiona with sadness and anger in equal measure. "You went too far this time Fiona."

"ME? I wasn't the one who blindfolded..."

You interrupt her. "Yes...I know. I fucked up. I really fucked up. Now I'm paying the price." You go to say more...but you just didn't have the energy. Not tonight. Things would be said that could not be unsaid. Instead you just say. "Come on El."

"Sure Jesse." She says quietly. Gone was 'master'. Elsie could sense right now you needed a friend and a sister, not a ****.

Fiona calls after you as you descend the stairs. "I'll record it for ya. We can keep this special family memory forever."

Ignoring her you grab your jacket and El grabs hers, and with that the pair of you leave the house. You walk quietly to your car. Both of you get in. You sit there silently staring at the house imagining what was happening in there right now. Not a word is said. The only noise was the occasional shift of fabric when one of you would move. A neighbor's dog can then be heard barking in the distance. Elsie waits, she knew something big was happening right now. The pair of you hadn't stood up to Fiona like that in some time. And never with something like this. Something had changed tonight.

You cannot stop the tears that well up in your eyes. You should be upset about what was happening with Allison, but it was only your big sister on your mind in that moment.

You finally turn to your little sister. "Why is she like that Elsie? I can't take it anymore. I just...can't take it."

Elsie reaches across and takes your hand. "I don't know. Dad's **** really...messed her up."

"Yeah but... That was so long ago!" You sniff and angrily wipe a tear from your eye. "We were just kids! I don't understand her. She loves me. I can see it sometimes. She tells me to be proud of being a Bailey. But then she tears me down. She humiliates me. I don't understand."

Elsie whispers. Her face dark, silhouetted by a street light behind her. "I know...I know."

You shake your head in frustration. "No you don't! She doesn't belittle you like she does me, not as bad anyways. She...she makes me feel... like less of man. She makes me feel small, inside and out. It hurts El....it really hurts. Family are supposed to pick each other up, isn't that right?" You sniffle again, again an angry swipe of tears from your cheeks. Long pent up emotions were coming to the surface. "Why can't she just be...nice, just sometimes? Like when we were little. Yeah, she was a pain but...she's gotten so bad. Fuck...it hurts."

"It hurts me too, seeing her do that to you." Elsie is quiet a long time, her soft hand warm in yours. Finally she says in a voice as small and fragile as a snowflake. "She's hurt me too Jesse."

"I know but...you just can't understand El. How the hell am I supposed to be a man? Mom wants to dress me as a girl. Fiona cuts me down every chance she gets. You don't understand. You're not a man. It's different for me. It's so much worse for me." You realized how self pitying that sounded, but you just had to get that off your chest. "You just can't know."

"Jesse...Fiona..." Elsie takes a long unsteady breath. "I...I said...I wasn't a virgin." She breaths again, a long shuddering breath. Her bottom lip quivers and you see tears now streaming from her eyes. "Fiona **** me Jesse. She hurt me...real bad. She held my neck...sh-she twisted...my arm...she wasn't gentle...she left bruises. She hurt me Jesse. She was like a different person." El takes in a quaking breath before gasping out. "What hurt the most though..." She sobs. "Jesse I...wanted it to be you...I wanted you...to be my first!" Elsie heaves with sob, her words descending into unintelligible blubbers.

You sit a moment stunned and watch your little sister break down before your eyes. Shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

"Oh my god! El." You lean across and hug her with everything you had. She weeps into your chest. "Oh my god. I never knew!" You stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. "When...where..." Your mind was filled with questions, your heart filled love, and your spirit with a brother's rage.

Elsie cries a long time before she can answer. You soothe her, you kiss her, you hug her tight. Suddenly everything going on in the house seemed like a meaningless trifle.

El sniffle and sucks wind, her crying had taken it out of her. "It..." She swallows. "...it was three years ago. You were gone to a friend's house...Mom was out with Aunt Peg. She came into my room..." Elsie breaks down again, cast asunder by these painful memories she was revealing.

You think back. Three years ago, El would have been 15! It almost instantly clicks...three years ago...yes, of course. That was when everything changed in the house. Elsie, who had been your best friend and constant companion, suddenly became distant. She retreated into herself. Her shyness got worse, she spent all her time in her room with her video games and manga and such. It was then the real chill between your sisters had set in and when Fiona's bitchiness hit a whole new level. You had assumed Elsie had just hit some moody teen girl thing. You had always hoped it would change once El hit college, maybe once she got a boyfriend or other friends she would start to open up again. It broke your heart to have her pull away from you but now you had some context.

"Why didn't you tell me...or Mom?" You softly brush her cheek with your thumb.

She shook her head. "I was too...humiliated...to tell you. Plus...the secret. And Mom knew...sort of. She knew I was in on...the family way of things. She knew Fiona and I had done something. She was actually happy about it! She...just told us to use protection." Elsie's glittering eyes look up into yours. "Jesse...I couldn't tell her. It would have ripped the family apart. It would have destroyed Mom. I...didn't want that. And...she only did it...the once..."

"Once is too many times!" You can't help but raise your voice.

El buries her hands in her hands and begins to cry once more. You settle yourself, for Elsie's sake. She didn't need anger right now, she needed a friend and a shoulder to cry on. She needed her big brother. You hold her in a gentle embrace.

She whisper into your chest. "She never...apologized. I just...I wanted so bad...for her to realize what she did. For her to say sorry. Anything. " Elsie shakes her head. "But she won't. I want to forgive her, but I...can't. She's only gotten worse! More cruel! She's hurting you now. I hate her...I hate her Jesse...I hate her so much! And...I hate myself for hating her! I don't want it to be like this! I want us to be happy! I want us all to be happy!"

You look back toward the house. "We need to tell Mom."

"No! No Jesse, please." She grasps your hand in both of hers. "It would only mess things up."

"Things are already messed up Elsie." You continue to stare at the house. "I'll kick her ass." You hiss.

"NO! Jesse, stop that. I don't want ****." Elsie reaches over and cups your cheek in her soft trembling hand, she turns your face back in her direction. You turn to look at your sister in her dark mysterious eyes. "Let it be, for now. Just beat her Jesse. Win this stupid bet and we'll see where it goes from there."

You swear to your sister, you swear from the bottom of your heart, you swear on the one pure thing in your whole messed up life...your connection with her. "I will beat her Elsie. I swear to you."

You had just complained about not being able to be a man in this family...fate had now presented you a crucible. It was time to earn that moniker. It was time to grow the fuck up.

Holding Elsie as long as she needed it you stroke her and just be there for her. Slowly, piece by tiny piece, you start to put El back together again. Your patience, your tenderness, and your love were soothing salves for the burning wound El had torn open.

You hug your sister and kiss her forehead on more time. Her face was wet, and her nose had begun to run. She was a mess. Leaning across her you open the glove compartment and pull out some fast food napkins you kept in there. You give them to her. Elsie dries the tears from her eyes and cheeks and blows her nose with a long loud wet honk. You both can't help but giggle a bit. After such a traumatic and emotional moment it seemed such a silly sound to hear. You hug again. The bond that had been strained these last few years now forged stronger than ever.

You turn and start the engine to your car.

"Where are we going?" Elsie asks.

"I don't know yet." You reply. "Let's just drive a while."

You pull away from the curb and drive off into the night. The house receding and soon disappearing from your rear view mirror.