A sticky situation

The wind rushed against River’s bare skin as she hurtled toward the ground. She graced herself for a hard landing but was caught off guard when she instead smacked into a soft, jelly like substance. No wait, that fruity smell was jelly, she had literally fallen into green jelly, it was just going to be one of those days wasn’t it?

River was surrounded by a world of green, she could still see the castle in the distance above her, she glanced down only to be reminded of her current situation. Of all the times the TARDIS could’ve broken up, she wondered. Somehow, River was still able to breathe in the jelly, this jelly must be akin to biogel, so she was able to console herself that she wouldn’t end up on Dumb Ways to Die. River tried to crane her neck to try and look around her surroundings more but for some reason she couldn’t. She tried to move her arms and legs with all the willpower she could muster but they too were also stuck in their position. So that was it: she was suspended spread eagled like a star in jelly; with the cold slime pressed against her skin, making her hairs stand on end and her nipples pointed; with no real hope of escape and for all to look at, at least she wouldn’t go hungry.

With nothing much else to do, River pondered all the events that had just occurred, trying to remember if the Doctor had ever mentioned his TARDIS blowing up, surely this couldn’t have happened? Unless he actually replaced the old girl, no he was too sentimental for that. Oh God, what if this was another scheme by the silence to kill him before Lake Silencio and destroy the universe? But then that doesn’t explain this bizarre world she had ended up on. Wait a minute, The Doctor did mention that he once had to take the TARDIS outside of time, to avoid a volcanic eruption on Dulkis, and that he, Jamie and Zoe has ended up in some bizarre reality where they were terrorised by fictional characters come to life.

That explains so much, the toy soldier, the sudden appearance of jelly, and had that woman been Rapunzel?! But then, how on Earth was she meant to get out of here? And without the Doctor noticing her as well? And did she just try to seduce Rapunzel? River really hated time travel sometimes. As River continued to struggle, she noticed a large silhouette of mass bodies approaching her. Oh what was it now, she wondered, the beast of Babylon come to feast on jelly or something? But then as the silhouette became clearer, she realised that it was not a monster but instead a gaggle of children, all dressed in lay 19th century garb. They all broke apart and circled round the giant mass of jelly.

Relieved, River tried to call out to them but her voice couldn’t carry through the jelly, it was like trying to speak underwater. And those kids weren’t any help either, they just stared at her eerily with blanker faces than Clara Oswald eating oatmeal. And then they all pointed at her and although she couldn’t hear them very well, she could tell that they were laughing, laughing at her pitiful predicament. River squirmed with indignation, at this point she’d take the monster.