Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man

"By the team that brought you Slay-Per-View and X-Babies take Manhattan, Executive Producer Mojo presents

HAREM HOTEL

with your hosts, Spiral and Waaaaaa_aaaaaa_de Wilson!"

A man, in what should be a familiar looking red and black full-body stocking under a tuxedo t-shirt walks forward. He's accompanied arm-in-arm with a woman with an excess of arms, (six, specifically), wearing a shimmering blue ball gown with a plunging neckline. Her platinum white hair has been braided back and up, with a pair of chopsticks crossed in the braid.

"I'm your host, Deadpool and this is my lovely little assistant Sprial."

"I'm an unbelievably powerful sorceress who could slice you into so many pieces before you blink," she said stiffly, "I am an unstoppable killing machine, not your assistant."

"Ain't she a hoot, everyone? Anyways, my pal, Mojo, has put together a real treat for everyone. Fan-favorite fanfic erotica!" Deadpool slapped Spiral on her ass. Quicker than the eye can follow, she drew a sword from an extradimensional source and sliced his hand off. "Ooochie, mama, that stings." He waved the stump back and forth as it already started to grow back.

"Erotica, that's a fancy word for porno!" He said gleefully.

"Yes, I know," Spiral said , again, her voice flat.

"Anyways, there's no need to faff about, I'm sure our readers are losing wood the longer we draw this out. Here's a hint for those at home, have you tried sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerkin' it with the hand asleep? I call that move the Dr. Strange!" Deadpool said, his mask winking somehow. "Here's some footage of our hosts taking our first master in!"

Peter really wished that his costume had pockets or that he could have his earphones in while he was swinging. It was a slow November night, and he was bored, swinging around Manhattan.

"Hey, hey Spider-Man! Save me!" The voice sounded familiar. Peter looked around. Whoever it was, they were about to jump off a building. They were wrapped in some sort of vinyl? They jumped! The vinyl unrolled behind them, laying out like a banner down the side of the building! Peter dove, shot his web-shooters at the building and yanked himself towards the falling body. They were slowed by the unfurling banner, so he had to mentally adjust it from his normal routine of saving falling bodies.

"Wade? Deadpool, what the heck are you doing?" Peter said as he grabbed the falling body. He'd recognize that mask anywhere.

"We're having a team up and I need your help! See? Look at the banner!"

It read "HELP ME, SPIDREMAN."

"You misspelled my name..." Peter mumbled as Deadpool hung on for dear life, "And you really don't need to hang on to my butt..."

"Yeah, well, this is fanfic, there are no editors."

Peter had learned to ignore Deadpool's inane ramblings.

"Can you take me to Delancey? I want to hit up the Burger King before we have our big team-up. Yeah, just that building there is fine. I'm a fiend for the Original Chicken Sandwich. Not too many people get that these days with their new chicken sandwiches, but I think loyalty is important."

There was a person there already on the rooftop. Maybe a janitor taking a smoke, Peter reasoned. He landed. His Spider-Sense went off as he made contact with the roof. Before he could react, green energy pulsed from the figure and locked him into place. The figure had six arms, but she wasn't Dr. Octopus.

"You... betrayed...me...Wade," Peter said, his mouth barely able to move against Spiral's magic spell.

"I'll get you a Whopper Junior, buddy. We good? You want cheese on that?"

_______

"No, I know other people call it the Stranger, that's not why I call it the Dr. Strange. Dr. Strange taught me that move. He's actually a huge pervert. The Sanctum Sanctorum is filled with like, sex swings and penis pumps. I mean we all should have guessed it with that mustache but -- Oh we're back? How about that folks? The Amazing Spider-Man, Peter Parker is our first master on this show!"

Peter, his mask torn-off but otherwise still in costume, is wheeled onto the set. His arms and legs are bound by heavy metal orbs that cover his fists and his feet. A crumpled-up Burger King bag fell from his contraption as its wheeled on set.

"Deadpool, what is this?"

"This is why I don't feel bad for betraying your trust, buddy! This is, dun-de-duh, Mojo Presents, HAREM HOTEL, brought to you by Burger King!" Deadpool addressed that last part at you, the audience. "We have six lovely ladies backstage, and by the end of this mini-series, they will be...your harem!"

"What? I don't- What- no! I don't want a harem!" Peter said, struggling against his bonds. "I'll never go along with this!"

"You say that, but do you remember Cindy Moon?"

Peter's face went purple. She was a fellow student bit by the same radioactive spider that bit him when he was in high school. Whenever they got close, the spider-pheromones drove both of them a little crazy. Lust, passion. For a bit, he thought he was in love with her before they figured out the whole pheromonal attraction thing.

"We have mixed pheromones from Cindy Moon into some of our contestants' perfume. It may not drive you to the same near-orgasmic fury but its enough to make you horny, and maybe wear down your big ol' righteousness stick-up-your-butt!"

"Now, let's meet the six lovely ladies that will be competing here at this tropical resort on, dun-de-duh, Mojo Present, HAREM HOTEL, brought to you by Burger King!" Deadpool wheeled Peter around to a pool area. It was evening, the sun was setting, and they had hundreds of candles lit. "Now to make it interesting, all six contestants are..."

A. Superheroines

B. Villainesses.

C. Ex-Girlfriends

Vote now! Deadpool will note that Aunt May is not an option on any of these.