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Chapter 3 by remora remora

What set of contestants will be competing?

Super Heroines

Deadpool carefully cut the envelope with a katana. It would have been easier with a knife or honestly, just his fingers, but he, as always, is committed to a bit. He blew the top of the envelope off and took a peek. "Very interesting," he said, "Your harem is gonna be made up of your fellow superheroes!"

"It took a lot of work," Spiral said in monotone. Evan as powerful as she was, taking down six superheroines was not an easy task.

"Aw, what's a couple stabbings compared to true love?" Deadpool said, "Let's meet our first contestant. No stranger to weird sex things, and the person who stabbed me the most during our meeting/****, let's meet Wolverine!"

"Oh, god no!" Peter objected. There was not a way in hell that he was going to have the short, hairy Canadian who hated his guts be part of this.

A young woman with dark brown hair and pale alabaster skin came out. She was wearing a one-piece bathing suit, mostly blue with yellow highlights. She wore a mask like Logan's but... she obviously wasn't him.

"Oh, man, that's right," Peter wailed, "He has a female clone that's the new Wolverine. Man, and I thought I had troubles with MY clones!"

The girl tightened her fist and two foot-long adamantium blades extended from her knuckles. Both Spiral and Deadpool drew their blades. "Girl, you know that the two of us can take you," Spiral said menacingly.

"No, that's just something she does when I talk too much," Peter said. He was really wishing he could get out of their contraption.

"I will kill both of you before this over," Laura said, flatly to her two captors. For a 19-year old girl, her flat affect made her that much more intimidating.

"Alright, then, let's meet our second contestant," Deadpool said with annoying gusto, "She's the original feminist hero turned sex kitten, one time leader of the Arkansas Initiative, which means she must have pissed off Tony Stark somehow, and recently divorced comic book writer's kryptonite, let's see Greer Grant, AKA Tigra!"

Okay, Peter could work with that. Tigra didn't hate his guts and he didn't have any major problems with her, either. And to be honest, he did always think she was attractive. Tall, covered with orange and black fur, but with a killer body. Laura was wearing a sexier version of her Wolverine costume, but the only way to make Tigra's costume more explicit would be to send her out nude.

"Thoughts, Peter, Greer? You into the fur, Petey?"

"What? No, I don't -- I mean, yes she's pretty, but, but I don't approve of any of this!" Peter said, still flabbergasted.

"I mean, I always thought he had a cute butt," Greer said, "But likewise, I agree with Pete, I object to, like, the basic premise of this whole thing. Also, you stabbed me when you guys took me in."

"Our third contestant was the one-time leader of the Avengers, and a long-time Soviet assassin, and somehow this is not her most embarrassing hero hook-up, since at least you're not Hawkeye," Wade winked at Peter, somehow even with his mask on, "let's give a big round of applause for Natasha Romanova, the Black Widow!"

Like Pete, the Black Widow was also in a contraption with heavy metal balls encasing her hands and feet. "We had to restrain her, since she keeps trying to escape, and she's got the uncanny ability to ignore pain!" She was a black leather swimming suit. Technically a one piece but only due to the sides; her lean, flat stomach and the small of her back were both exposed in cutouts. The top part was held together by a flimsy clasp between her breasts, the two red triangles that acted as her personal logo.

To be quite honest, Peter had no idea what Natasha thought about him. She was, after all, a world class liar, and it wasn't like they hung out a lot. He kind of suspected she had a low opinion of him. But he was also pretty sure she didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about him. She was hot. He had a thing for red-heads. But he was also pretty sure she would kill him if he smiled at her.

"Natasha, you got any thoughts on being with your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?" Deadpool asked. She just narrowed her eyes and stared at Deadpool, "Nothing? No comment? No? Okay. Moving on. Our next contestant is also a leader of the Avengers and is known to have a thing for guys known as 'type of bug' dash man, let's see Janet Van Dyne, the winsome Wasp!"

From behind the stage, a woman with short brown hair in a pink and purple bikini walks out confidently.

"Peter, you have any words for Dr. Hank Pym?"

"Nooo," Peter moaned, "I don't know how they're choosing these contestants, but Hank, if you're watching, I don't secretly have a thing for your ex-wife!" Though, embarrassingly enough, Peter now realized that all of the contestants so far had at least once showed up in his dreams. Dreams of a certain nature... dreams where, let's say his web shooter went off. Even happened with X-23 that one time. How on earth had they guessed that? He had never told anyone about those dreams.

"You do realize that they split up a long time ago, and I'm dating Hank, right?" Tigra spoke up.

"No, I didn't," Peter said morosely, "But the same principal applies!" Janet, for her sake, pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Suddenly, she was competing with Tigra again for a guy?

"Okay, let's see the next heroine that secretly makes Peter grow wood. Oh, man, this one's an awkward one, considering he once lived with her and her family, and considers her brother and her husband as some of his closest friends, lets meet Susan Storm-Richards!"

A tanned woman with long blonde hair came out. She was wearing an old costume of hers, the one with the exposed belly, and the 4-shaped cleavage window. "No! No!" Peter wailed, "I think of Sue as a sister! I do not - No! Stop this, Wade, please!" He dared not tell the truth that Susan Storm had been a go-to shower-whacking fantasy back when he was in high school. The first generation of unstable molecules were skin-tight!

"Peter, I know you're a victim of this just as much as we are. If we work together, we can fight them and all escape and -- oh geez," She stopped as Peter's skin tight costume revealed his raging boner. The Silk-derived pheromones had built up to a point with all of them together like this that Peter's embarrassment was starting to lose its battle with his libido.

"Hey, now that's what the audience at home wants to see!" Deadpool said, "So let's wrap this up and bring out our last contestant. You know her, you love her, she's seen you naked! Felicia Hardy, the Black Cat!"

Peter huffed, "She's a thief! You said this was only going to be super heroines!" He was hoping he could at least convince Deadpool to let Felicia go.

"Hey, she's been a member of the Defenders and has helped you stop many super villains. That's gotta count! Felicia, what do you think?"

"Wait, so to win, all I have to do is make Spidey fall in love with me? I've done that before," Felicia said with a studied non-chalance. She streched out her back and her arms, oh so innocently making sure that Peter got a good look of her stunning cleavage.

"We'll be back with their first challenge after this message from Burger King!"

What is their first challenge?

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