Jimmy Nibornski (AKA Lazlo F. X. Black, Darius P. Just, Ryan Phillip Morningstar, Marcus James Woolshire III, and Liam Conner Fitzpatrick, plus others as necessary), a small time criminal, con artist, and thrill seeker. (MrWhysper)

You are a man in his early forties living and working in Duluth, Minnesota. That is for a given value of “working”. While you have many skills, most of them aren’t exactly marketable. There’s no job out there for making sure that someone doesn’t find the Lady. The last tax return you filed was in 2000, and you marked your job as “Freelance Locksmith” because the federal government tends to frown on “Cat Burglar”. Previously it was “Computer Security Specialist”, as “Hacker” leaves a bad taste in the mouth of the I.R.S.

You are most definitely not a nice person, having had that ground out of you by the street, but you can sure as hell pretend you are. If you’re honest with yourself you may have a moderate level of sociopathy, but you’ve never been diagnosed. You’re charming, reasonably well educated (although you’ve never had any higher education beyond an associate’s degree in Liberal Arts from Lake Superior Community College), and are able to conform to most social situations, rather like a chameleon.

You never knew your father, which is what you claim is the driving reason behind not being able to work a straight job. The reality of it is that you just get a rush out of pulling off a scam or climbing out of a third story window with someone’s family heirlooms. Your mom tried to raise you and your sister properly, but sometimes when you were a teenager and her waitress gig wasn’t bringing home enough, you lifting a wallet or two was the only reason there was food on the table.

Mom’s been sick for a while now, and you’ve spent the last 5 years running pot over the border at International Falls to try to pay for her medical bills, because insurance isn’t covering it. So much for Obamacare. Your connection dried up two months ago, and you’ve been scrambling to make ends meet since.