Free Use High School

Setup summary: You sign a contract with God that promises a free use world when you wake up. You're welcome, now you can skip this chapter and go right to the sex.

In your dream, you're in heaven. And God's there. Yup, the Big Man Himself. And right by his side is JC, who sports some sunglasses and doesn't acknowledge you when you walk in. God's surrounded by office supplies, and He types away at His Macbook.

After a while of standing there awkwardly, you finally say, "Hey! How's it going there?"

JC chugs the rest of his Michelob Ultra, and burps loudly. Then He goes, "Not bad dude, I had a kick-ass day. Fucked this angel, then totally ghosted her. She was blowin' up my phone, it was sick. Then I went and got tacos with the boys."

"Oh," is all you can muster up.

You look at God. He doesn't look back at you. Still seems like He's hard at work.

"Yeah I wouldn't worry about Him, dude. He's been doin' paperwork, like, all day. Anyways, you're here for the uhh, charity thing, right?"

"Ummmmmm." Your brain short circuits, but manages to piece together a little bit of logic. If Jesus Christ Himself was saying you're getting charity, it's probably a good idea to accept it. "Yes. Yes I am. I'm here for the charity thing."

Without looking at either of you, God hands Jesus some paperwork. Then He goes into His office and shuts the door.

"Sick, let's get this ball rolling," JC says. "Looks like God thought you were, like, a really good person who contributed to society? And now you're gonna get heaven on Earth tailored to your fantasies when you wake up? That sound right?"

"....Yes, for sure. That sounds right."

"And you're, uhhh." Jesus Christ looks down at his paperwork. "Stephen Hawking?"

"....Yes."

JC squints at you over his Ray-Bans. "You sure don't look like this guy. This dude's in a wheelchair. Bro, wouldn't that be sick to have a wheelchair all the time? You get to like, park in handicapped spots and do sick drifts when it's rainy and shit!"

"HAHAHAHA," you fake laugh. You play along with Jesus's drunk ass because the fantasies on Earth part caught your attention. "You're so right, that would be sick."

"I know, right? That would be fucken' sick," echoes JC. He looks down at his paperwork, seemingly forgetting about the whole you're-not-in-a-wheelchair thing.

"So, like, you contributed a shitton to society by being a fucken' nerd, and like, doing physics or whatever?" JC asks.

"....Yes," you respond.

"Alright...," JC says suspiciously. "Since you're Stevie Hawkins, autistic savant, what's 14 times 38?"

"329," you immediately lie. You're in too deep at this point.

JC pulls down his sunglasses and squints at you. "That sounds about right. I'm not gonna bother checking, 'cus, like, you seemed real confident."

"But," He continues, "If you really are Stefan Hollins, then where'd you work?"

SHIT! You have no clue. "Uhhhh... Harvard?"

You stand there in silence for a solid 5 minutes as Jesus carefully reads the paperwork in His hand. He looks at you and scans you up and down.

Finally, JC sighs and takes off his sunglasses. "Look, I'm gonna be honest witchu dawg, you're definitely not this Simon Atkins guy. But like, you're fuckin' here and he's not, so today's your lucky day." JC telekinetically floats the paperwork over to you and it lands in your hands. "Just sign there, brah."

You look at the paperwork. You don't read the whole thing, but you catch glimpses of phrases in the contract: "World of Free Use", "freeuse", "unlimited sexual fantasies", "all your sexual desires come true".

That is very convincing to you. You sign the paper, and the second you finish the signature, flashing images suddenly overwhelm your brain. You see a harem of girls competing to gag on your cock, you the shit out of a prude Christian girl, a new hookup every night, even every hour....

You wake up from your dream. Who do you wake up as?