of the Ravenous

“Recalibrating truth scan, now adjusted to Gallifreyan biology.” Said the judge. “What?!” Exclaimed Missy in disbelief, she’d thought it impossible for a non Gallifreyan mind reading machine to ever be capable of such easy adjustment. “Now tell us of a time you were humiliated.” “Well it all started when I decided to check up on my old ravenous experiments again.” Missy couldn’t quite believe she was doing this, it was an odd sensation being compelled to the truth, is this what her victims felt like when she had used hypnosis back in those days?

“You see after my initial fun with them, the war grew ever worse and I knew that I couldn’t keep indulging in fun distractions, so I sent them on their way. However I had just recently regenerated into this very form at the time and wanted to have a bit of harmless fun again. I tracked them down to the desolate Delphox 9 where they had been hibernating for a century. I strolled in there casually as they all woke up around me. I forget how many there were but there was at least a dozen. “Yes dear boys and girls, your eyes do not deceive you, your mistress returns to renew her reign of chaos and embarrassment of other species!” I proudly proclaimed. However there was one itty bitty fact I had forgotten, I had only conditioned them to not attack my previous incarnation, so while they recognised me, they no longer saw me as untouchable, I only remembered this once I was pounced upon and my clothes were stripped off in an instant, leaving me completely nude.”

“At first I was more annoyed than embarrassed, and they realised this when they saw I wasn’t covering myself as expected. But then I saw a mischievous glint in their eyes and one of them grabbed me, put me on their back and all of a sudden we were riding the time winds. It was exhilarating, seeing history wash past you like that, and doing so naked, oh I don’t think it could ever be described. But those feelings were instantly forgotten when we arrived, the Ravenous had taken me back to when Delphox 9 was inhabited, we were in the middle of a crowded city centre, it resembled Ancient Rome in a lot of ways, especially the humanoids in togas. The ravenous I was on then took me off it’s back, grabbed a ceramic vase from a nearby pottery stand and plonked it on top of my head.”

“I tried furiously to pull it off but the ravenous must’ve done something to it because it refused to budge, all I really accomplished was giving my rather too adoring crowd a mighty show of jiggling butt cheeks and bouncing breasts as I moved around the square wildly. Due to the pot not having any holes in it I was effectively blind and so in my long and arduous struggle I crashed into a nearby stall, the impact smashed the vase on my head and freed it from it’s confines but my entire body was also covered in a mass amount of jelly like substance. It was clear and transparent and it quickly dissipated, making my skin look very shiny. I tried to stand up but I quickly slipped on the floor and landed on my front, the substance that had covered me was the famous Delphox gelloid which you probably know from those infuriatingly catchy hardware adverts. It could create a slippery layer to whatever it was applied to for 3 hours and that now unfortunately meant me.”

“As soon as I fell, the Ravenous came up to me, said farewell mockingly and smacked my bottom very hard, sending me speeding across the street before disappearing back into the vortex. I slid across to the opening of a street and realised that it was at a very slight incline which meant that gravity would be ensuring my journey down it. I began sliding down the path at a snails pace, I squirmed and twisted around desperately to grab onto anything in my vicinity, whether that be shop doorways, stalls or even people’s legs but my hands were to slippery to gain a proper old of anything, a few times I ended up sliding into buildings and being pushed out again by the owners, I couldn’t even cover myself because my arms would just slide right off my breasts. Now I’ve had plenty of humiliating defeats, but all of my defeats at the hands of the Doctor seemed dignified in comparison to being stranded in ancient history rolling around on the ground naked like a silly little worm in a crowded city with everyone laughing at me for three hours straight.”

“How did you escape this predicament?” Inquired the judge “Oh you know me, I never like to explain how I escaped seemingly impossible odds. I always like to have an open ended mystery left up to the imagination. Besides surely you’ve heard enough?”

“How did you escape your predicament?” The judge persisted. “Oh fine, after having my body being paraded all throughout the city the gellotine wore off and I tried to get myself reorganised by hypnotising a clothes vendor into giving me some of his product for free, turns out my tits can be just as effective as my eyes in that department. However when I put them on they vanished in a show of yellow energy, I realised quickly that when the Ravenous smacked my bottom, it left a psychic imprint which links the pair of us together across time and space and allows it to feed off my continued embarrassment, it also curses you with permanent nudity for however long the Ravenous wishes.”

“Normally the Ravenous will keep this connection until it strikes a new planet but because of our psychic connection I knew that I was to be it’s feeding source for the next century of it’s hibernation. When I realised this I knew I had to get to work right away. I went to the local government building and convinced them to give me funding for my own experiments, while they agreed wholeheartedly and even lent me students from a university the resources of the city were still limited, I had to became a regular model for paintings and sculptures to gain extra earnings until after 6 months I had fashioned a fully functioning cryogenic pod.”

“My plan was to put myself into suspended animation and set the timer to release around the same date that I arrived so that I could get back to my TARDIS and use it’s technology to sever the psychic connection with the Ravenous. It hadn’t been easy, especially because the workers I had were constantly distracted by my nude form which slowed down progress quite a bit, I couldn’t even threaten to kill them either because I desperately needed them that much. But at last, I ordered my students to place my pod near the spot my TARDIS would land and once my past self was sent back by the Ravenous I would awaken and hop right back in.”

“There, all done, happy now?”