Try to talk to Jane at school

You decide that you need to tell Jane that enough is enough. You drive to school and wait outside, ready to stop her as she's heading into the building.

After waiting a couple of minutes, you notice something odd. All the students entering the school are guys. There are no girls at all. There are a ton of guys you don't know, and they're all tall and buff. Then you notice a couple of familiar faces, but those guys are also taller and in much better shape than they were before. This school seems to be full of hot teenage boys now.

Jacob approaches the school entrance, holding hands with a tall Korean guy with high cheekbones. Jacob's shirt doesn't even cover his stomach, it's cut off to show some really ripped abs he definitely didn't have before. They walk over to you and Jacob says, "Hey John! What are you doing out here?"

"Hi Jacob," you reply. "I'm just waiting to talk to someone. Who's your new boyfriend?"

They both look at you like you're crazy. "Dude," says the Korean guy, "We've known each other for, like, two years. Jacob introduced us right after we started dating. Is this a joke?"

"What?!" you ask. "I've never met you before!"

"I don't get it," says Jacob. "Why are you acting like you don't know Jake?"

"I don't know half these guys!" you yell. "Plus, where are all the girls?!"

"Girls?" asks Jacob. "Only one girl goes here. She- oh! Here she comes now!"

You look down the walkway and see four extremely muscular guys carrying a chair. The chair has poles on the bottom so that they can hold the poles on their broad shoulders. Sitting in the chair is Jane, who is waving to the crowd as she passes by them. Every boy in the crowd smiles up at her.

You run forward a bit and yell, "Hey Jane, we need to talk about-"

As you get close, one of the big guys carrying her chair puts a hand on your chest and shoves you backwards. You fall back on your ass.

It takes you a moment to reorient yourself. When you look up, you see that Jacob and Jake are kissing passionately. Jane turns towards them and yells, "Aw, that's so cute! Are you boys trying to temp me into a threeway?"

They break the kiss and smile up at her. Jake says, "Maybe!"

As the chair passes by them, Jane says, "Call me tonight! Jane, Jacob, and Jake has a nice ring to it!"

The procession goes through the front doors of the school and disappears. Jacob walks over and helps you up. "John, you know you can't just run up to Jane like that. If someone wants to talk to her, he has to give her a good reason to want to talk to him. Especially you!"

"What does that mean?" you ask.

He smiles at your sympathetically, then walks into the school with Jake.

After getting your books, you head to your first class. Two things shock you the moment you walk through the door. First, Mr. Knobs is shirtless. Second, he looks like an exotic male dancer. He still has on a tie, and even a collar somehow despite the fact that he doesn't have a shirt, but his tie is hanging down over super developed pecs and chiseled abs. His arms are huge, and he has the perfect tan to show off all the shredded muscles of his zero-bodyfat physique.

You sit in your assigned seat and wait. The other desks fill up with tall, hot guys, making you feel insecure.

As the bell rings Jane walks in, wearing a tight top and a short skirt to show off her terrific curves and long legs. She stops on the way to her seat and gives the teacher a long, wet kiss. Neither of them even say anything, she just stops, they wrap their arms around each other, she caresses his bare pecks as their tongues dance, and then she pulls away and goes to her seat as he returns to writing on the blackboard.

This is your chance. You get up and head towards Jane.

"Mr. Doe," says Mr. Knobbs, "what are you doing? You know you're not allowed to approach Jane."

This throws you off. "I'm not... I mean... I just wanted to..."

Jane turns to look at you. She winks and licks her full, perfect lips. It's incredibly erotic, and it throws you off even more. You can't respond to the teacher.

"Yes, we know it's hard for you to resist," says Mr. Knobbs. "Do you need to masturbate?"

"What?!" you yell.

"Don't worry, I have the note from your doctor." The teacher pulls open his desk drawer and retrieves a piece of paper. He begins reading it. "'To whom it may concern. After many extensive tests, we have determined that John Doe is a sad, lonely, little perv boy who can't help touching himself. Please allow him to jerk his pathetic cock whenever and wherever since his tiny brain will explode from the pressure if he doesn't relieve himself several times a day, seeing as he's such a whiney loser-boy. Sincerely, Dr. Alvin Campbell.'"

Your jaw drops. That is your real doctor. He wrote those things about you. You look around expecting to see everyone laughing at you. Instead, they all look like they pity you, which is somehow worse. Well, all of them except Jane, who is definitely holding back laughter.

"Well, Mr. Doe?" says Mr. Knobbs. "You obviously can't talk to Jane, she's much too hot to talk to someone like you. However, you can masturbate if you need to. Nobody wants to see your tiny brain explode. Do you need to drop your pants and jerk off now?"