The world changes -- imagine that.

When Josh came to, he first sniffed.

Come to?! What did he hit this time? A tree?

Rubbing his forehead, he found something soft sink under his weight. It was then that he took in his surroundings, and realized he was in...

"Uh." His head swiveled around, taking in the sight of a tidied bedroom with some accessorized flair. A poster of Beyonce on the wall. Some glitter-knobbed drawers. A pink mat in the shape of a cat face. "Where am I?"

"You awake, big guy?" A tangy voice echoed from the bathroom, currently lurking behind a closed door.

"Uh... I don't know." In a murmur, he felt the sheets on the bed below. They smelled nice. Felt nice. Everything, nice. Everything except for his bared, hairy, flabby leg.

Which led to the biggest question of all: why was he in his underwear, and where was all his clothes?

Just as he was about to find a way to break through the window and alert someone of a carefully orchestrated ****, the bathroom door opened, and his underwear was suddenly a few sizes too small.

Gulp.

Ahem.

Whew.

Someone grab a fan. Someone get a stretcher.

Scratch that earlier sentiment: the new biggest question was, who the fuck was that hot minx doing existing in the same room with him, why was she even here, why was she wearing only a black pair of panties, and why was she looking at him like that?

As if on cue, said woman, the same one that had just so casually stepped out of the bathroom, who had practically slunk out like some seductress on a red carpet, smiled. "Why are you looking at me like that?" the biggest question gave a sultry look as she crossed one thick, dark skinned leg over the other. Holy shit. Holy SHIT those THIGHS! What workout regimen did she undergo to get THOSE?!

"Fuuck," she had apparently remembered something, as she broke out into a sudden stretch. "That was a hell of a bang. I don't even know if I could walk straight after that." A sassy look crossed her brow. "Still ain't about to go for butt stuff, though."

With a grin, she waltzed over to the still speechless Josh and did something that he would probably be laughed to Pluto and back at for even proposing as possible to his co-workers: she planted a bare foot upon his drooping center. If he was not mistaken, it nearly looked like she was trying to get her toes submerged in between his flabs of drooping stomach before she withdrew.

Removing her foot from Josh's abdomen, she bent over, giving Josh an eagle's eye view of her swinging jugs, and kissed him on the cheek, tenderly smacking his belly with her hand. "I could eat you right up, you know that?"

Confused as he was, Josh, naturally, came right at that moment.

After all, this was his first real sexual experience since Emma in junior high.

And we don't talk about Emma in junior high.