Take my time

Disclaimer: I'm mostly gonna focus on the implications of this whole Chore List situation for a while, with no real intention of connecting things back to the broader DC Universe setting. Enjoy!

I wiped the -- my -- chore list clean of everything by our names and shuffled around all the usual tasks from scratch. As much as I really wanted to give all the actual chores to the girls, Mom had made it pretty clear that she would just abandon the whole chore list idea if I didn't hold to some semblance of responsibility. If I absolutely had to do chores, at least I could give myself the easy stuff; Do Laundry (the folding is kinda fun, in a meditative way, and there are lots of dirty panties to sniff), Take Out Trash (it only had to be done occasionally), and Mow Lawn (no real logic here, I just kinda like it). I was also starting to get a taste for verbal ****, so I added Insult or Objectify Anyone in the House Whenever You Want.

I split the rest of the regular chores between Mom and Nichole basically at random, but a stroke of inspiration hit when I got to cleaning our bedrooms. I gave myself Mom's room to clean because she always kept it tidy in there anyway and I wanted the excuse to snoop around in there, I gave Nichole my room to clean because it was a real disaster area and I liked the idea of her finding the old cum socks under my bed, and I had Mom clean Nichole's room because I was sure there must be some shit hidden in there that would get her into trouble.

Finally, taking perhaps the biggest risk of all, I boxed out an area at the bottom of the whiteboard and added a little fine print: Sam Dean, as owner of this Chore List, is free to dictate how assigned chores must be completed.

Stepping back, I nodded to Mom;

"Get that fat ass over here and tell me what you think."

Mom smiled with something like pride, "Way to go, Sam; you just insulted me for the third time! You're done for the-- oh! That's changed, huh? And it's not just about me anymore?"

"It's something they told us about in school the other day," I hastily lied. "Young men need to find safe, healthy ways of venting their aggression. I figure there's nowhere safer or healthier than right here at home, y'know?"

"Oh, that makes sense... But what's this about objectifying people?"

"Aggression can be sexual just as much as emotional, right? I promise it'll be strictly verbal -- crude jokes, catcalling -- and maybe a little bit of ogling."

My eyes slid down my mother's back as I said that last part, coming to rest on the thicc butt and thighs that she was sticking out at me just a little bit as she leaned forward to read.

"Well, it'll certainly take some getting used to," Mom admitted, "but if it's important for your development we can-- wait, you mixed up all the bedrooms!"

"Yeah, I did that on purpose. It's, uh, something they recommended in Home Ec. See, if you just clean your own room you'll overlook obvious things because you're so used to seeing them. By cleaning each other's bedrooms, we'll all be working with fresh perspectives."

I thought that sounded like a blatant load of horseshit, but Mom just nodded along like it was the most logical thing in the world. Was the fine print subconsciously working its magic before she'd even read it? Speaking of which, Mom scrunched her eyebrows a bit as she got to that

"...free to dictate how assigned chores must be-- Sweetie, could you explain this little note at the bottom? What sort of 'dictating' do you have in mind?"

"Oh, nothing too drastic. Just little things that might seem unorthodox, like cleaning each other's bedrooms. Or how, when I've run out of dirty clothes in the laundry room, I want everyone to put the clothes they're wearing in the final load of the day. That way absolutely everything gets cleaned and we can start completely fresh in the morning."

You deliberately left out the part about that leaving the whole family butt naked, and if that did occur to Mom she didn't seem to have a problem with it.

"Sam, you're a genius! The laundry is one of those jobs that never really feels like it's done, but getting every last piece of clothing in there would put such a final point on it. Did they teach you that in Home Ec, too?"

"Uh, sure..."

"I had no idea you were such a good student, Sam! I'll have to tell that teacher what a good job they're doing at the next Parent/Teacher Conference!"