Standing Up

“Earn you? Earn YOU!?” Your sister sneers contemptuously. “Who would want a pathetic shrimp dicked little piss ant piece of…”

“Stop!” You exclaim, letting the hurt come out in your voice. “Stop it!”

Fiona goes to stand but you push her back down again. “Let go of me!”

“No!” You lean your weight down and hold her neck tight.

“Earn you?” She snarls as she struggles against you. “You don’t earn a weak sissy bitch like you, you STEP on him! You TAKE him! Worthless little…”

“STOP!”

“Fuck you!”

“Why does it always have to be like this with you? Why can’t we just talk like normal people?”

“Why can’t you quit being a little bitch?”

“What is wrong with you?” There is a second of stunned silence, you hadn’t meant to say it that way. Her struggling stops

“Yeah, it’s me. It’s all my fault. Fucked up Fiona.” She whispers angrily. “Jesus Christ, you sound like Mom.”

Sadly she wasn’t lying. Your mother’s near infinite compassion seemed to stop short when it came to her eldest child. Of Fiona she expected more. Arguing with Fiona like your mother did would inevitably lead nowhere. Taking a deep breath you calm yourself and try to think of a different approach. But your cruel older sister could smell blood in the water.

“So all this nicey nicey stuff. The soft voice, the offer of a drink, waiting up so late, the massage. It’s just because you want to have sex with me. And you want me to beg you for it. You want me to fawn over you. You want to conquer me so you can show everyone how weak I am.” Fiona says, venom dripping from her words. “You want me to be just like perfect little Elsie.”

“No.” You shake your head. “It’s not like that. I don’t think you’re weak.”

“Sure it is.” She says. “You want me. You want to have sex with me, I see the way you look at me. I mean I caught you in my closet for fuck sake. That’s all I am to you. Just a conquest. A goddess to bring to your heel like a good obedient puppy.”

“Fiona…no…”

“Stupid me. I thought you stayed up just to talk with me. Just to visit with me.” She says coolly. “I thought you did it because you love me.”

A punch to your tender nuts would have hurt less. Using your moment of heartfelt pain as an opportunity she twists out of your grip and spins to stand up across the chair from you. You look up to her not even trying to hide your heartbreak.

“Are you going to cry? You gonna cry little Jesse?” Fiona mocks you. “Go cry to your Mama, bitch. I’m sure she’ll earn your love anyway you ask her to.”

“Stop.”

Fiona stands tall. “It’s okay to hate me Jesse. It’s okay to say so. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Man up kid, be honest for once in your sad little life.”

Any other day this would have broken you, but not this day. Not after the joy of Elsie’s girl’s night, not after meeting the girl of your dreams, and not after that cry to your Mama quip. Zoey, right this minute, was in your mother’s arms crying out a lifetime of ****. You were hurt, but more than that you were angry!

You could see the surprise in your sister’s face as instead of wilting you steel yourself and stare straight into her.

“I ought to hate you Fiona. I really ought to hate you for all you’ve done.” You say in a firm deep voice. “The insults, the degradation, the cruelty, the manipulation.” After a pause. “I know you hurt Elsie.” Her eyes widen and fear creeps in. You step around the chair and she actually takes a backward step, something you’d never seen before. “I ought to hate you for that and so much more.” You step right up on her, ready to go to blows if need be. “But, heaven’s knows why, I don’t. I still love you! Elsie still loves you! We all do. I’ll always love you…you fucking bitch.”

It was her turn to stammer. “Jesse…”

“Don’t you EVER accuse me of not loving you again!” You stab your fingers into your chest. “You know how much that shit hurts? Huh?”

She hesitates, her eyes panning over your face as if seeing you for the first time, then she nods with genuine guilt.

“And yes, you’re right, I do want to have sex with you. More than anyone! Oh my God Fiona, you…you don’t know what you do to me. I live with sexiest woman in the whole fucking world, and she’s my sister! That tears a guy up after awhile.” Reaching out you take her hand, she does not pull away. “I told you first Fiona. The others don’t even know I’m thinking about it yet.” Your voice go softer. “But I can’t let you treat us like you have been. We can’t keep living like this. I can’t be with someone…who doesn’t respect me…even if they do love me.”

Fiona, beautiful and terrible Fiona, stares at you with an expression you could not place. It wasn’t anger or resentment or happiness or relief. After a moment you realize it was…pride.

Bringing her hand up she pinches your cheek again, gentler this time. “Who loves ya kid?” She whispers.

“You do.” You whisper back.

She smiles and you see the fatigue settle back into her. Stepping back from you she pats chest and nods, but doesn’t say another word. Walking around you she leaves the room and heads upstairs to bed.