Out, of course. Out!

One sip of coffee, the daily recommended dose of eyedrops, and a newly self-conscious slip into a rugged pair of sneakers were all that lay between him and fresh air.

whoosh!

Well, almost anyway. He still had a flight of steps to scuttle down.

Outside his apartment, the man absentmindedly pulled on the knob. A little more roughly than he had intended, actually.

The door closed loudly behind him but he didn't care. He had a whole world to uncover. And a reality-changing app installed on the phone currently crammed into his pocket. He swore it was giving off a strange buzz.

With a head-shake he went down the stairwell.

"Josh, hey!"

Whirling around at the foot of the stairs, Josh coughed into a fist. "Hey, Henry, what's going on."

Great. Just act normal!

Besides, it's not like they'd know anything. Right?

"Oh, nothing much." The old neighbor set his foot on a lower step. He was already settling into a talking pose, eyes glazing away. Josh grimaced, and peeked at his watch. This was gonna be a waste of time. He should spin up a lie really quick. Something like needing to see a hospitalized niece. "It's a funny story, though," the older man leisurely began, "how I managed to get this bag. Crazy, isn't it? That we have to pay for a bag to put our goods in these days? In fact, I was telling the cashier about the root of the issue and how deep it went -- frackers, the pharmacies, and, god, let's not get started on the HAARP -- when she suddenly decided to ring up the next customer and, my word, was she -- "

"Oh, Henry!"

The melodic voice took both men's attention away from the other. Henry smiled as a cane-bearing woman stepped carefully down the stairs. "Well, Martha! Good morning!" His lips twisted in a familiar attempt at charisma, which Martha effortlessly bought (with a giggle). Josh straightened. This was his chance. His cue to make for the exit.

"Hey, Henry, Mrs. Paddock." One hand sliding on the rail, Josh descended down. His hand managed a quick wave, that Henry nearly missed. "I got to go, but I'll see you later. Totally know what you mean about those bags, Henry. It's a real mess!"

Henry's laugh echoed down the flight, his neck careening to follow Josh's descent. "That's the hierarchy, kid! One day maybe we could do something about it directly, instead of just being deluded into thinking we are." What sounded like a nuzzling Martha could be heard faintly as he added, "Fingers crossed!"

The words still rang through Josh's ears while walking to his car. Oh Henry, his mind mused, if only you knew.

He then took out his phone to check his messages for any pressing news when, suddenly, he squeezed a little prematurely, and out it squeaked. Like a blooper straight from the Matrix, he blundered for the stray device as it flew through the air. His hand swiped for it, only colliding against the edge of it and adding a clean spin to its inevitable descent to rock and pebble.

"No!" Scooping it off the ground, he wiped the screen. Luckily, there was no crack. He turned it on, and tested its responsiveness. It was still as breezy as ever. "Whew." A few seconds later, and it was back in his pocket. "That was close..."

After climbing into the car, he adjusted his slightly tilted rearview mirror. With one hand on the wheel and the other on stick, he pushed the pedal and headed out of the complex, bouncing into the road.

"Okay, time to get real," he tapped. A bobblehead of a baseball player decorated his dashboard. Looking at him. "What? I'm just going out, alright?"

Bobble, bobble.

And later, going on... foot. Heh. Hehe.

Stopping at a light, Josh turned on his signal, and sat back boringly. It was only as his eyes traveled up, and then back up again after a coarse-skinned rub, that he noticed the billboard in the vacant lot on the block across from him. A woman was smiling, hands on her hips, looking straight forward, with a safari hat on her head. Only the top of her body fit the frame, and on the right side of the poster was the name of some insurance company. Josh gulped. Not at the cheesy slogan. But rather, the very provocative display, in public, about 30 feet high; what he could clearly make out as two perky, well-shaped breasts attached to her bare, smooth torso. Right there, pointing right at him. Now causing him to point right back, with a certain attachment of his own that he had to re-adjust as he heard a honk behind him and scrambled for the wheel.

Incredible. A bead of sweat ran down his temple. He tried to wipe it, but missed. Th-that chick... that billboard... that chick, on that billboard... was topless!

If every healthy young male could see this now, they'd probably be pushing down on something pushing naturally up that very moment. But Josh couldn't afford to get distracted. The rattled young man inhaled, exhaled, and bolted his eyes to the road. Any more visual detours and he would be chasing light from lasers. He was going to plan this out. Correctly.

Yes. That's what he was going to do. With an all-powerful application probably designed for ill intentions and clearly self-serving purposes at his fingertips, he sought to take it step by step, at least until he felt like he was satisfactorily briefed on the thing, like he wasn't going out the door completely lost and disoriented, making a fool of himself and all.

Besides. It wasn't just boobs he was interested in seeing...

He pushed on the gas.