Lily, a struggling comic

"Wait," said Anna, "what if Lily does something that screws up the whole world?"

She quickly called her cousin, but instead of saying 'hello' she just said, "Lily! Did you get the app I sent you?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," said Lily. "I got something right before you called, but I didn't get a chance to look at it. I didn't even know you could send an app to someone. Isn't that a security risk or something?"

"It's a weird app. Don't use it."

"Okaaaay. So why did you send it to me?"

"Well, I thought that you would have fun with it," said Anna. "You're always doing crazy stuff like changing your hair color or-"

"It's pink now!" interrupted Lily. "Oh my god, you have to see it, it looks *so* good!"

"Sure, great, just, don't use the app, okay?"

"Um, whatever," said Lily.

They both hung up, and Lily looked at her phone. She immediately forgot Anna's warning and opened the app. She scrolled through the list of rules for awhile, but didn't see the point to all the rules.

"Five minutes until your set, Lily," said the stage manager.

"Alright, Phil. Thanks!" Lily waved him away and looked back at her phone. She knew she should be getting ready. Her manager had only told her the day before that this club wanted all new material, and she hadn't had time to test out any of her new jokes. She absentmindedly wrote a new rule in the app.

• Any joke is funny if it ends with "...and that's why I fucked him with a shoe."

Hearing the MC start her introduction, Lily pocketed her phone and went onstage.

Every joke bombed. The first joke got no response, and after that Lily's timing was off. Halfway through her set, Lily was telling a story about her ex-boyfriend and forgot how it ended. In desperation, she said, "...and that's why I fucked him with a shoe!"

For a brief moment, Lily panicked. That was the worst line she'd ever said, but it had been stuck in her head after using it in that app, so now the audience was about to hate her forever. Then the audience burst out laughing, shocking the young comic.

Feeling a little better, Lily told another joke about her ex. Nothing. She told a joke about her dog, but that bombed, too. She told several more jokes about her dog, realizing that she shouldn't have done so many pet jokes as the audience clearly became more and more annoyed. After the last joke about her dog peeing on her couch, she said, "...and that's why I fucked him with a shoe."

The audience roared with laughter. She'd been hoping they'd chuckle at it just because it was a callback, but they seemed to love it. She did a joke about her boss, but changed the ending to that line. Same response. She used the line at the end of every joke, and the audience laughed every time.

Finally finished, Lily thanked the audience and walked off stage. Phil stopped her and said, "Great job! It started off slow, but you really turned it around."

"Um, yeah, sure!" said Lily, thoroughly confused. Didn't he think it was weird that she kept repeating the same punchline?

Lily pulled out her phone and stared at the app.

"Maybe I should try something else, just to be sure."