Dreams

With you being a little light in the wallet at the moment you decide to head to the edge of the city. You'd find some economy motel to stay the night. As you drive through the dark streets you look over to your sister beside you. She sits still and quiet. Her eyes gaze out the window and follow the passing streetlights as they glide by, but you were were confident there was a cauldron of thoughts and emotions bubbling inside of her.

You turn on your radio and tune into an easy listening station to fill the silence with something other than thoughts, memories, and regrets.

"Hey, you hungry?" You ask.

She absently shakes her head no.

Your attention alternates back and forth between your sister and the road. You decide to try to lighten the mood, even if just for a moment.

"Hey, you wouldn't believe it, but Chloe was mid-sex when I called her."

Fiona blinks rapidly a few times and returns to the moment, as if waking from a deep sleep. "Huh? What?"

You smile. "Chloe. She was getting...um, well fucked when I called. And she answered the phone anyway."

Fiona, despite herself, smiles a little. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Ha! I know, right?" You chuckle. "God, I thought she was so quiet and weird growing up. I had no idea what she was really like."

Fiona's grin widens. "Oh, she's weird alright."

"I'm glad she opened up to me after the secrets were revealed. I love her. She's a nut, but she's our nut." You make the turn onto the freeway. "She was trying to get her Big Daddy to knock her up. Without him knowing. Can you believe that shit? That just ain't right."

Fiona nods. "She wants a baby. Real bad. I think that's a terrible idea though. She's crazy!"

You nod. "Yeah, though motherhood has a way of settling a woman I would imagine."

Fiona looks at you with a long soulful look. "Or a man."

You give her a sideways glance.

Fiona takes a deep breath and relaxes just bit more. "I think you would make a wonderful mother Jesse. Look how you're looking after me right now. You...you are a kind and caring man Jesse. We all love that about you."

"Errr...sure Fiona." You knew she was talking about your theoretical mutation but you were pretty damn sure Peg's theory was wrong. As far as you knew you were a normal guy, physically anyway.

Her gaze returns to looking back out the window. "You and El both, would be such wonderful mothers. Better...better than me or...or our Mom."

"I don't know about that." You continue to drive. This talk was good. Getting Fiona to open up and think about other things. "What about you Fiona? You ever think about having kids. If you met the right person."

She pulls the jacket tighter around her. "Yes. I'd...I'd like to be father someday. After...after I get stronger. After I...get rid of the bad thoughts. I'd like that very much. But not a mother."

It hadn't really dawned on you until this very moment that the women of your family really could decide to be either the father or the mother of a child. You simply thought of them all as women. Them getting someone pregnant was something you really hadn't considered before.

Fiona rests her forehead on the cool glass and closes her eyes. She speaks as if of some half remembered dream. "I'd have lots of kids. Four...five, maybe more. Strong kids. I'd work so hard for them, provide for them. Protect them and support them. I would give them the best life I could. The very best life I could give them."

"That sounds lovely Fiona." You cannot help but have warm feelings rise up inside of you. You had never seen this side of your sister before. Fiona had depths you never would have believed.

"Lovely." She repeats dreamily. "I'd...take them to the beach, ya know? Teach them to swim. Teach them all sorts of things. Teach them...to drive...the things a Dad teaches kids. The things our Papa never got to. We would go places. Anywhere we wanted. People would see them and say what beautiful children they were."

You just sit in silence and listen to her speak of her happy imagined future family. You could see a pride and a strength rise up in her just talking about these children that didn't exist yet. The street lights illuminate her calm face as they pass, before fading off to leave her in shadow.

She continues. "My daughters would be fine girls. Fine girls. Proud girls. Proud of who they are. Proud of their family. Fine, pretty, strong Bailey girls. My girls would never have to hide or lie or be ashamed. Never. I would protect my girls and work every day to make them proud of me." She then adds in a quiet whisper. "With my girls...I wouldn't make the same mistakes. I'd be better for them. A fresh start." God...even through all the streaked makeup her content smile was absolutely beautiful. Where had this Fiona been all this time?

"Wow." You say. "Wow! I can't wait to meet these girls! I will be one happy uncle, I tell you that."

She sighs and the smile fades, replaced by a wistful sadness. "It's a beautiful fantasy. A dream. A silly dream."

You see a the bright blue and red glowing sign of a Motel 6 just off the freeway up ahead. As you start planning your exit you assure her. "It doesn't have to be a fantasy. And it definitely isn't silly. It is amazing! I didn't know this about you Fiona. I'm sure you'll get your girls Fiona. You'll be the best Dad ever! You'll see."

"Hmmm." She sighs again, her slender shoulders slump. "Elsie was right. About everything. I'm not a person, I'm a monster. You guys would be better off if I just..."

You don't let her finish that dark thought. "Stop. Don't say that. She didn't mean those things. None of us think those things."

"Thank you for saying so." She finally opens her eyes and looks over at you again. "You're a good man Jesse. The best."

Driving was becoming distracting as you pulled off the main road and were quickly coming up to an intersection. Your eyes dart around trying to plan your route to the hotel. Before long you are pulling into the long narrow parking lot of the motel. The place looked pretty dead tonight. You easily find a spot and park the car.

"Pass me my jacket there." Fiona does so. You slip it on and check to see your wallet was there, thankfully it was. You look at your sister. An obscene amount of tear streaked make up. Hair that was obviously cut roughly and quickly. In a girls nightie with bare feet and a really nice suede jacket. And she still had the occasional shiver that would run through her body. She looked like she had been through hell, and she had. What would the motel staff think if you walked in with her looking like this?

You were just in shorts and a t shirt, but with your coat on you wouldn't look too weird. The lack of shoes would be odd but not so bad.

"Fiona, are you okay to wait here just for a few minutes?"

She is quiet.

"Fiona?"

She is quiet for another moment before she says. "I'm scared. I'm scared to be alone Jesse."

Your heart melts for her all over again. Leaning over you embrace her yet again. "I know baby, I know. Just a few minutes. I promise I'll come back as fast as I can."

You can feel her tense up in your arms but she bravely nods her head. "I'll...I'll be okay. I'll...lock the doors."

You caress her cheek. "There ya go. I'll leave you the keys, okay? Just drive to the front office over there if it gets too much. Or honk the horn. Okay?"

She nods. "Okay Jesse."

"I'll be as quick as I can." You kiss her head. "I love ya Sis."

"Love you too." She replies.

After another hug you get out of the car and hurry to the front desk.