All the Birds of Prey

"You know, when I thought about starting up a secret all-girl vigilante group, this wasn't quite how I imagined it," Renee said.

Dinah scoffed.

"You imagined setting this up?" Dinah said.

"Well, not a vigilante group," Renee amended. "Still. This ain't it."

Dinah had to admit, she had a point. She was never one to expect a over-glamorous reality, but even this was a little... Yes, they'd taken down Black Mask, which had then led to them teaming up to do the whole crime-fighting thing more often. Friends who blow up a mob boss together, stay together, or however the saying went.

Admittedly they hadn't exactly gotten to know one another. There hadn't been much time. Dinah was a meta former nightclub-singer with a vigilante mother who could take care of herself with her fists and voice, Renee was a former cop who'd decided to strike out on her own after getting ignored one too many times and remained as irreverent and bad-cop-movie sounding as ever, and Helena was an ex-assassin with a lot of fighting skills and very little social skills.

Then they'd fallen in together: the Birds of Prey. Harley had made herself scarce after stealing Dinah's car, but there hadn't been any luck tracking her down, not that they were really sure it was worth it.

A week later, Helena had shown up on Dinah's couch. Dinah hadn't even invited her in, she'd just woken up one morning to find Helena sprawled out there. Helena had only been staying in the city as the final stop on her worldwide tour of **** against the people who'd killed her family; when her stay at the motel ran out, she didn't have a home to go back to.

And a week after that, Renee had shown up with a suitcase full of 80s movies and clothes.

"You're the one that quit your job," Dinah said.

"Hey, I'm not the only unemployed one here," Renee said.

"My boss got blown up by a grenade and his club burned down by rivals," Dinah said. "Helena's never had a job. We have excuses."

She'd ended up the last of the three with savings - Sionis had paid pretty well, for all his many, many, many faults. Hush money was a basically mandatory bonus. Still, crime-fighting didn't pay the bills.

"Well at least I'm not going through crossbow bolts like candy," Renee said.

"Saved your ass last night," Helena said.

"Still, I'm not buying them for you," Renee said.

"You didn't buy them for her anyway," Dinah said. She sighed. "Has a point though. One of us needs to get a job."

They were meant to be funded through the Bertinelli fortune. It had been great to start out, right up until almost all of it got transferred out of the account with the reference 'H4RL3Y.' They'd been busy drip-feeding it out of the Bertinelli accounts to avoid getting flagged for money-laundering when Harley had apparently used the details in the diamond she'd taken to drain the accounts completely - she had no such concerns it seemed.

"Any more mob bosses need a singer?" Helena said.

"Very funny," Dinah said.

"What's funny?" Helena said. She blinked at Dinah with wide, innocent eyes.

It took her a second to parse Helena's words. Sometimes Helena made leaps in deduction that were obvious to her, and to no one else.

Huh. Actually that wasn't a bad idea.

"You mean, undercover?" Dinah said. "Get paid, and get intel for the Birds at the same time? I can see that. So long as I'm not the only one - must be a few crooks who'd want to hire the Crossbow Killer, and if not, the Bertinelli name's got to carry some weight in the underworld."

"I might have contacts," Helena said. "Will make a few calls."

"And I'll keep an eye out," Renee said. "Have to fund all this somehow. God damn it Harley."

"This time tomorrow, here's hoping we have something," Dinah said.

---

They'd all been invited to the same place. The other leads had been... less than successful. Renee's job-hunting was unsuccessful on any undercover-work fronts thanks to her past as a cop, and on more legitimate fronts being badmouthed by her ex-colleagues wasn't helping matters. As it turned out for Helena and Dinah, a past spent being associated with or working with rivals did create a certain amount of animosity from likely criminal hirers; Helena's best skills were exclusively for the underworld, meaning her best shot at a job had ended with a scuffle, an escape on a stolen bike, and a minor case of arson.

Dinah's luck had been more mixed. None of the people they'd hoped to spy on had wanted to hire her, and more legitimate clubs were a little more guarded about hiring an ex-employee of Black Mask.

Which was why it had come as such a surprise when all of them had been requested to visit the same address. Helena's contact had been someone over the phone with a voice-changer, Dinah's had been a message pressed into her hand by some club-owner, and Renee had been a flyer that had shown up at her door.

"Think it's a trap?" Renee said.

"You're packing heat, Helena's carrying her crossbow around, and I've got a baseball bat," Dinah said. "Yeah. We think it's a trap."

The address had pointed them to one of the seedier parts of Gotham (and seedy by Gotham standards was really saying something). From the outside, it looked like a club - there were opaque, but fancy, doors, and flickering neon lights spelling out 'The Aerie' just overhead. Warily, the trio ventured inside.

There wasn't any music playing. Even though it looked like a club, it was definitely closed down. No one was at the entrance, no one was queuing to get inside - and as they made it in, they saw no one was on the stage.

The stage itself was decently grand. Big, wall-to-wall, with a small catwalk down the middle, and a couple of floor-to-ceiling poles in front of the curtains. Dinah lifted an eyebrow.

"Okay, who'd invite us to some closed-down strip club?" Dinah said.

And a second later someone sprinted at the three to squeeze them all into one big group hug. Dinah nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Oh, I missed you guys!" Harley said.

"Harley, what the fuck?!" Dinah yelped.

The blonde hopped back, a grin on her face. She was as garishly dressed as they all remembered, a chaotic mash-up of a dozen separate styles and articles of clothing, and apparently had an utter lack of shame about the fact that since they'd last seen her, she'd stolen Dinah's car and most of their money.

"Surprise!" Harley said.

"You invited us here?" Renee said.

Harley nodded eagerly.

"Helena. You can shoot her," Helena said.

Helena blinked. Harley pouted.

"Well that's not very nice," Harley said. "I wanted to help you!"

"If you want to help, then tell me where my car is," Dinah said. Harley made a face.

"Well, there's a lamp-post just by the city boundaries..."

Dinah growled. Apparently lacking any self-preservation instincts, Harley reached over to gently pat her shoulder.

"Anyway! A little birdie told me you were having money trouble," Harley said.

"Because of you," Dinah said.

"Water under the bridge," Harley said. She was still beaming. "I got you a club!"

She waved her hand around. Dinah and Renee did a double take; Helena took in the sight much more slowly, looking around the building.

"You what?" Dinah said.

"Got it for you!" Harley said. She nodded happily. "Deeds are right over there. The former owner was very helpful."

"Was he now?" Dinah said.

"He said I could have it, and pass it on to whoever I wanted," Harley said. "Well, actually he said 'Oh god it's the crazy chick, please, take whatever you want.' Which is the same thing if you think about it."

Dinah stared at her. She took in the stage again.

"You got us a strip club?" Renee said.

"A thank you would be nice," Harley said, pouting.

"You got us a strip club," Dinah echoed.

"You wanted cash!" Harley said. "Sex sells. You've got a few killer bods between you. It'd go great!"

"Wait, no, we are not performing..." Dinah began.

"Huh. Not a bad idea," Helena said thoughtfully.

There was a pause. For the first time, Dinah and Renee turned away from Harley, to look back at her. There was a slightly glazed look in Helena's eyes; she quickly coughed. Her cheeks went pink.

"Place like this is good cover," Helena said. "Kind of place mobsters would meet, and it gives us a reason to have our costumes, and to buy disguises if we do want to go undercover."

"Finally, someone appreciates me," Harley said. Helena paused.

"Wait, did you buy this with my inheritance?" Helena said.

Harley cleared her throat.

"So! What do you say?" Harley said.

Dinah hesitated.

Oh. She really hated how that almost made sense.

It was a home base of sorts - an aerie would suit Birds of Prey. They could have their costumes stored here rather than shoved under Dinah's bed, and could get more outfits if they ever wanted to sneak anywhere. The right costume could get you anywhere with enough confidence - a cop outfit would let them walk into a station unquestioned if they wanted to sneak a peek at ongoing files, a secretary could get them into an office building, not to mention a number of more mob or gang affiliated looks. Weapons could be justified as props too.

And if they did make cash, they could bug the tables. She knew the macho bs of the mob, after Sionis, this was exactly the kind of place the big names in Gotham's underworld would gather, which would tell them everything they needed to know to know what to stop.

Not a bad plan. Only...

"Forward us some extra cash to hire actual dancers, and maybe," Dinah said.

"I think that's a bad idea," Renee said slowly.

"Not you too," Dinah said.

"If we run the Birds of Prey out of here, we can't have anyone backstage that we don't trust," Renee said. "We can't just hire dancers. If we actually want to run this place, the strippers have to be people we can trust with that knowledge."

Dinah's cheeks warmed. Nuh-uh. No way.

"You do have experience on stage," Helena said helpfully.

"Not- Not that!" Dinah said. "Hey, you're the one who looks like that, you'd need to strip as well."

"I don't think that's necessary..." Helena said, flushing.

"You'd all be huge hits!" Harley said, grinning happily. "So, deal?"

Flustered, Dinah turned back to her. No, they were definitely not considering this, no way. Just because it would really help them, and that they didn't have many other options for making money...

"Wait, why are you even helping us?" Dinah said. "You're hardly selfless."

Harley mimed thinking.

"For free tickets," Harley said. She nodded happily. "Yeah, I'll hand you use of my building in exchange for free access whenever I want."

Oh for... It was such a Harley kind of deranged to propose that they cover up their vigilante escapades by running and headlining a strip club.

Dinah really wished she could think of an alternative.

Maybe run it as a vanilla night-club? No. Even if Harley would hand it over in that case, they wouldn't have the same justification to keep all the outfits here. And besides, realistically speaking it wouldn't make the same amount of money as the alternative.

"Dibs on being in charge of admin!" Renee said quickly.

"Huh?" Helena said.

"No!" Dinah said. "No, you can't just decide that!"

"Too late," Renee said. "Guess that makes you too the performers now."

"No, we didn't agree to..." Dinah said.

She faltered. Shit.