The Highschool Master

You know how high school is supposed to be the best time in your life? Out of all the stages of a human being, the teenage years are regarded as the absolute prime of your life. It doesn’t help that a lot of people consider their peak to be in high school. But regardless of the veracity of that myth, I hate it. I do actually believe in it. I’ve seen a lot of people who are the happiest in high school, probably because it all goes downhill after that. My parents showed me how great their teenage years were, and that only makes me believe more that it is truly possible to make high school the best period of your life.

But I’m either unlucky, or I’m not worthy to have that. At least in my case, that myth is completely false. For me, my teenage years have been the worst, probably in every single possible sense. I actually think my childhood was the best, and I would prefer it to be that way. But what I don’t like is the fact that my childhood might be my peak, at least that’s what it looks like. Pretty much everything has gone to shit during puberty. I’ve been through it all, even some very dark periods, but I’m still here. I don’t know if that’s a good thing, but what makes me regret everything is thinking about all the potential I lost during these years.

I mainly believe the high school myth because everyone I see around me is actually living it. Everyone seems to enjoy being young, rebellious, being able to explore and hang out with like minded people. But to be honest, all I want to do is grow up. I do enjoy youth, but if that means struggling to even talk to people, then I much prefer having a boring job and working half a day every day to earn some money. I wish people wouldn’t spread these ideals of what high school should be, because I was just not able to accomplish any of them. I don’t hate people who get to experience those things, but it sure makes me desire them, a lot.

I have to admit that I’ve grown bitter, not only at myself, but slightly towards others. I’m just so jealous to have what everyone else seems to mindlessly enjoy. I don’t think they even had to work hard to get those things, because you are supposed to just have those sorts of experiences naturally. Yet, somehow I still haven’t achieved anything significant in my life. If life was a game, and there were all sorts of achievements to get, I’m probably at 1% completion, maybe 2%. I just haven’t done most things that a normal person should, and I don’t know why.

Maybe it’s something to do with my mentality, maybe my personality, or even physical appearance. I still haven’t figured that out. But I promise you this, when I do figure everything out, I’ll be the best person I could be. Of course, it has taken me over 5 years trying to figure it out. However, I do believe I’m quite close to cracking it. I pretty much wasted all of my teenage years trying to solve this miserable mystery, but it’s about time I do it. Anyways, let’s see if going over all of my problems first will give me some sort of answer, although I doubt it...