Vincent (M) - GodbringerSummoner/GodsourceAlchemist/GodslayerArsenal

“Yo Vince my man!”

I blinked and found myself in a pure white space.

Up ahead of me, an old man in white robes was jogging towards me while waving.

He stepped on his robe and fell face first to the ground.

Then he was up again and ran all the way up to me.

I thought he looked familiar…

“Mr. G?” I said.

“Yup, that’s me!” The old man said and chuckled, “How are you feeling, Vince?”

I looked around again, “Where the hell are we?” I asked.

“Ah, about that,” Mr. G said and scratched the back of his head, “You’re dead kiddo.”

“Dead?” I asked.

“More than a doornail, I’m afraid.”

“Ah jeez,” I said, “I think I remember. There was a truck.”

Mr. G groaned. “There always is,” he said. “Listen, Vince, I…”

“But what are you doing here Mr. G? Did you get hit by the truck too?”

“Me? Noooo. Nonono,” said Mr. G.

“Then how did… Oh no… Was it that batch I sold you? Was it too pure?”

“I didn’t OD on the you sold me, if that’s what you’re asking, Vincent.”

“Oh that’s a relief.”

“Listen, Vince, we need to get this straight. I’m actually God.”

“Whaaa?”

“Oh yes.”

“I… I’m God’s dealer?”

“Ahaha. Why yes. I have to get my fix somewhere.”

“But… why do you need if you’re God?” I asked.

“Are you kidding me? Do you know the kind of shit I have to deal with around here? I absolutely need something to take the edge off. I tried handling the last guy while I was sober and got so sick of his face that I turned him into an orc.”

“Hah… That’s funny Mr. G.”

“It sure is Vince. It sure is. Listen, I’m gonna do good by you okay? You were always there for me, even when I was short on cash.”

“Aww, that’s alright Mr. G, you were always my favorite customer.”

“You’re a good kid Vince,” God said as he shed a tear, “And the stuff you cook up, man! No one makes meth as good as you do. I’m serious. I’ve been to a billion worlds. Smoked everything from orphan tears to Satan’s asscrack. Nothing compares to what you make. Nothing! You’re a goddamn genius Vince.”

“Oh cool. There are other worlds?” I asked.

“You betcha sweet-mama’s fat titties there are other worlds, Vince. And that’s how I’m gonna take care of ya. I’m gonna give you some really cool cheats, Vince. It’ll make your life way easier.”

“Ohhhh sweet dude. Is it like cheat codes for video games?”

“Better Vince. Way better,” said Mr. G, “I’m gonna give you some special character classes. You know what? Actually, I’ll give you three.”

“Classes? I dunno Mr. G. I never was good at school.”

Mr. G, put a hand on my shoulder and chuckled. “Oh Vince... Classic Vince. I’ll pick the classes for you alright? Trust me. I think they’ll suit you very well.”

“If you say so Mr. G.”

“That’s the spirit Vince! You’re so decisive. That’s why I like you. Unlike that last asshole who I turned into an orc. God, I cannot emphasize how much I hated his stupid mug. Fuck that guy.”

“Totally… So what do I do now Mr. G?”

“Nothing. You just stand right here while I hand you your cheat classes. Let’s see. Your first class, would be alchemist,” Mr. G said and winked. “That way you can keep cookin whatever you want to be cookin,”

“Ooohhh rad,” I replied.

“But you won’t just be any ol regular alchemist, oh no. For you Vincent, I bestow unto you the Godsource Alchemist class!”

“Wicked!”

“And for your second class, I know you are an animal lover Vince. That’s why I think the summoner class will be perfect for you. Of course you’ll get the cheat version for that too. That’s why I bequeath you the Godbringer Summoner class!”

“Cool!”

“And finally, you get the Godslayer Arsenal class,” Mr. G quickly said, “Anywhooo, let’s move on shall we…”

“Wait, what’s that slayer thing?” I asked.

“Hmmm? What slayer thing?” God asked back.

“That third class you just gave me.”

“Oh!” Mr. G said, “Pfffttt, it’s just a name, Vince. You know, like words, letters, phrases. Could mean anything really. Let’s not get too hung up on that. Now, if you’ll just stay right where you are… Stay riiiggght theeere…”

A hole suddenly opened up under my feet and I fell through.