The announcement of the next Kami Kurabe bout!

{if@ Bouts = 999}Who would you like to invite to be your next opponent?

A woman in a decorated golden toga approached from behind; she'd been standing at the entrance. She bowed and produced, held in both hands, a scroll. Unrolling that scroll, you saw names of gods and priestesses... there were so many, like some overstuffed restaurant menu.

As you looked them all over, one god and priestess pair jumped out at you...{endif}{if Bouts = 0}Leaving the priestess' dressing rooms, you walked alongside Keiko, admiring the other various priestesses as you went by. The Kami Kurabe tournament was a huge pain, for sure... but it was still sort of great, getting to see the finest women from so many different dimensions assembled like this. Of course, it also meant looking at a lot of seriously smug gods that you'd be thankful never to have to run in again. A huge, pink-skinned god in a brown loincloth, with a tiny head and beady eyes that you could barely see past the mountain of his chest pushed you aside once you were almost in... then shut the door behind himself. For a god, that guy's a real son of a bitch! Worst of all, Keiko hadn't been hindered like you had. She'd gone in ahead of you.

You found yourself pulling on the door fruitlessly, finding it locked shut. Nobody else was here in the banquet hall to help! Was this the end of you? At this rate, it seemed you'd have to start praying to Monopoly for some kind of miracle...

"Pssst. Yo, kid!"

Looking up, you found a ceiling tile moved aside. From the darkness, white dentures were gleaming down at you, in the wide, gross mouth of that suspicious old guy you'd met earlier. "It's me, Don!" he clarified, as if it could be anyone else. You asked him what the hell he was doing here. "Look, you ran off earlier, but I got the feeling you weren't done needin' my help. A champion's got a sense about these kinds'a things! Come on up here; I'll lead you to where you need to be!"

You hated to keep taking this weird-smelling old man's charity, but fact of the matter is, you hadn't met a single other decent person since you got here, besides maybe Keiko. You needed all the help you could get. You accepted his hand and he pulled you up with surprising strength, not fitting his seeming advanced age. "Follow me! I'm gettin' my suit dirty crawlin' around in here, so you better thank me, capiche?" You thanked him, trying to ignore his smell, combined with the vaguely musty odor of this dark, narrow crevice, which presumably ran under the audience's seats. Shouldn't gods be able to keep their place cleaner than this? Maybe it only stank because Don was always crawling around in it...

You hadn't planned on looking at some old guy's ass during this tournament, but that's where you found yourself, staring at the seat of Don's pants as your only beacon of guidance, crawling towards the arena...

Finally, you made it... When you popped out, you found yourself... in the God Box, the place where gods sit when it's their turn to fight. Ah, that makes sense... Does that make sense? If you're here, doesn't that mean you're in the very first bout? You asked Don that, as he walked to the other side of the aisle with his hands crossed behind his back and a grin on his face. "Bingo!"

Terrified, you looked around yourself... there were fruits piled high on an ornate platter, sitting on two low tables nearby giant, symmetrical thrones, oriented so they faced towards the giant ring that held both combatants of the Kami Kurabe. Don grabbed a gross, shriveled prune off of his plate and began chewing on it, while he pointed for you to take your seat. The seat had a high, golden back, metallic, but with plush grass green cushions all over it. A headboard on the back displayed your name, "Katappashikara". This fancy-pants arrangement made for a great way for a god to advertise himself as a victorious combatant of Kami Kurabe and gain faith and power...

Or a great way to publicly humiliate himself, if his priestess should lose. At any rate... If Don's here, does that mean he's your opponent?

"Correctimundo," the old man chuckled, crossing his legs while smacking on that prune. You tried to pretend you hadn't just seen him wipe his used chewing gum on the bottom of his throne with one finger. "Ten time champ, Don, at your service! Eeeeh, this time I got a different priestess- old one retired- but I'm hopin' to keep the winnin' streak going all the same," he spoke with a grin, showing gross bits of fruit mashed up in his dentures. Eh, but let's shut up a mo'... They're talkin' about us."

It would have been hard to ignore the MC, even if he hadn't said anything. "Welcome, gods and priestesses, to the event of our times: the most sacred, most essential, most dignified, most heart-pounding, most priestess-packed... Kami Kurabeeeeee!!" a woman's voice announced from the stage floor. The arena grew dim, then a spotlight illuminated the center... from it rose a lady, dressed in an elegant, but sexy, backless black dress and wearing a string of pearls about her neck. Upon her feet were black, max-inclined high-heels that tapped against the smooth, gold tiled floor of the arena. Her hair was long and blond, extremely wavy, and gave her a diva-like appearance. She looked like a western beauty...

Except for the weirdly macho sunglasses she was wearing, which hid her eyes from view, and the fired-up tilt of her eyebrows. Her mouth was stretched in a fierce battle-cry, taking whatever elegance she would have otherwise had away from her. At least her hourglass figure was still pretty stunning in that dress...

"I'll be your host for this tournament, Miss Mila Minute, representing KAMICORP and our wonderful ruler, the CEO of KAMICORP, Monopoly! Let's take a moment to give a silent prayer of thanks to Monopoly for gathering us all together for the Kami Kurabe! Three... two... one... Silence!"

You heard the crowd being eerily silent. In defiance, you smacked loudly on an apple you were munching on. That damned elderly orgasm junkie that all the gods look up to didn't deserve a word of silent prayer. In your mind's eye, you pictured Keiko being just as defiant, but she was nowhere to be seen...

"On the left side, the challenger!"

Wait... challenger?! You hadn't challenged anyone, had you?! This match was a farce! No way you'd challenge the ten time champion god, even if he's using a new priestess!

"Bahahaha! You crack me up, kid! You're sittin' in the challenger's seat, ain't cha? Under them circumstances, that makes you the challenger!!" Don guffawed, slapping his leg while talking around his prune. You were beginning to want to punch the dentures out of his head...

Mila Minute's voice kept running, well, a mile a minute. "A first time challenger, known as the laziest god of all gods, it's the unlikely underdog, Katappashikara!! His stated mission: to make all gods and humans leave him the fuck alooone! Wow! Is the Kami Kurabe really the right place to be if you don't want attention, Katappashikara? Every god in every realm is going to know your face now, whether you win or lose!" You wanted to complain that it had never been your choice, but god or not, your voice was going to be a tiny chirp against her microphone if you tried to protest..."Now, representing Katappashikara, the first time priestess combatant of his realm, dressed in the grass green and wearing his marks, the Earth and the joined hands... Keiko Fukeikeeeeeeen!!"

Monitors all around the arena suddenly lit up, showing the tremendous double doors opening on the left side of the venue. From out these doors, veiled by smoke pouring from either side, arrived your priestess. Her face was as stern as ever. If she was nervous, she wasn't showing it... Part of you felt a little proud, until you remembered that you had almost nothing to do with her training, besides giving her training dummy a face to stab. In her hand was that weird sword, which neither of you had any idea how to use...! Maybe she'd be able to just slice her opponent's clothes off with it, like a regular sword...? For a god, you sure felt like praying to some higher power often.

The monitors switched angles frequently, showing every side of the battle-ready priestess as she walked confidently to the center of the ring. You wished you felt that confident... There didn't appear to be any cameramen around or hidden cameras, but that never stopped Monopoly's special monitors. It was as if she really could watch everyone at all times... The influence of KAMICORP was scary.

"How about a word from our god?" Mila asked, as a microphone stand raised from the floor in front of you, nearly hitting you between the legs as you retracted them and straightened the way you were sitting.

You replied: no comment.

"Ha ha ha! You're boring!" Mila guffawed, recovering like an experienced comedian before walking to the center of the arena and offering her microphone to Keiko. "How about you, Sunshine?"

"... This will be the Kami Kurabe to end all Kami Kurabe..." she answered cryptically, her grip tightening on the sword that she held.

"Terrific! Sounds like we're in for a treat!" Miss Mila Minute giggled into her microphone, hoping to get the crowd fired up. If they were getting fired up for anything, it was probably for seeing this haughty upstart nude, getting an unwanted tattoo branded onto her butt-cheeks. "Well, we've met the challengers. Now let's meet the god and priestess who will be defending their faith from these usurpers! Please direct your attention to the right side of the God Box, as we introduce the next god and his priestess!"{endif}
{if Bouts > 0}The time had come to return to the now vacant God Box. You felt the audience's attention turn to you as your admittedly unimpressive blue body entered that god-only area and you took your position upon the left-side throne: the challenger's seat. Fortunately, this time around, you were able to take your time deciding which opponent to fight... But who would you like to invite to be your next opponent?

A woman in a decorated golden toga approached from behind; she'd been standing at the entrance. She bowed and produced, held in both hands, a scroll. Unrolling that scroll, you saw names of gods and priestesses... there were so many, like some overstuffed restaurant menu.

As you looked them all over, one god and priestess pair jumped out at you...

((If you are a returning player wanting to play a new route, try pressing Previous Chapter and then clicking to the next chapter again! This will give you the proper tag to keep advancing.)){endif}