((Tutorial)) The Opportunistic God, Don, and his priestess, Buchikowasu Kuzuki

{if Tips = true}((TIPS: Buchikowasu is your tutorial opponent! She's the Glass Joe of this game who will show you how the flow of a contest goes. If you followed the earlier tips and leveled up any stats at all besides Sin, she's a pushover.

Suggested stats: Power, Body, Cunning, Faith
Bad stats: Sin)){endif}

"Up in the God Box, on the defender's side, it's the opportunistic god, Don!! He's a ten time champ, although those ten times are very, very spread out over his career! This guy seems to have a new priestess every time we see him, doesn't he? Make up your mind, Don!" Mila announced, gesturing with her hands towards the God Box excitedly. "What a ridiculous starting match! We're going to see two priestesses nobody's ever seen before in our long, infinite lives! Care to comment, Don?"

"Eeeey, the rings still count, even if I got em on different priestesses!" Don complained, showing off his collection once again. "Heh heh! This kid's gonna be my eleventh, after which, I guess I gotta move on to toe rings!"

"Please, don't take off your shoes, Don!" the MC laughed, though her words were scolding. You could only imagine what odor this smelly old guy's feet would have... "You all have heard it a million times before, but here is his mantra: 'to create opportunities!' Isn't he usually the one taking opportunities, rather than creating them? But apparently, this guy's faith is all about making them yourself! I've seen him and announced for him a million times before, but I still don't get it!"

Don looked like he wanted to explain, but Mila Minute was already moving on to the next competitor. "Now, let's meet the opportunistic god's chosen priestess! It's the rookie fighter, Buchikowasu Kuzuki! What a terrible sounding name! I hope she looks better than she sounds!" the MC continued insultingly. That name of Don's priestess... was quite a mouthful. You wondered if you could just reduce it to Buchiko... You also wondered why a god with a name like "Don" was using a Japanese priestess. Furthermore, what kind of woman would worship at the altar of a god that looks like this guy, anyway?!

The right-side gate opened slowly, with another burst of rolling smoke, through which a woman shambled... Can a woman like this be a priestess?! She's absurdly lanky and tall, with sneering eyes and something like a silver, metal sickness mask on, covering her lower face; her hair is dyed purple and spiked all over, making a wild mane around her head that nearly covers her eyes. It looks so unkempt that you wonder if she smells as bad as her boss does... Her outfit looks like a Japanese thug's, with a black leather jacket, studded with spikes, and a white tank-top shirt underneath. Her jeans were black and extremely tight on the legs. I mean, her body looks pretty good... she's got a pretty fat ass... but who picks somebody like this as a priestess?! Although she wore no helmet, she wore gray gauntlets with open fingers, with matching boots.

The god's symbol, a gold yen symbol, is printed on her gray armor pieces. The back of her jacket holds another emblem, a skull smoking a big cigar... You thought to yourself that Don was forgetting skeletons don't have lungs. It looked like the white tank top she had underneath probably also had the same logo on it. Her belt buckle read "DON" in big letters; it was also printed across her jacket. Sometimes, it hurt you to remember how ridiculously brand-heavy the priestess gear was. Still... you thought maybe you'd lucked out. What if a person like Buckikowasu had been the one chosen to best represent you?!

But wait... her gear isn't the craziest part, is it? She's got some kind of huge weapon doesn't she? That weapon is like a huge, long-scoped hunting rifle! It's probably not designed to hurt people, but if a bullet from that hits your priestess's raiment, she might lose a whole judge's tier all at once. Right now, it's being held over one shoulder, as she slowly makes her way to the ring.

"Buchikowasu looks like no fighter I've ever seen in this arena! Frankly, calling her a priestess is kind of difficult, and not for the usual reason that she looks too promiscuous! Woah, fans... If you're down here... She kinda stinks too! You'll notice it more and more the closer she gets! Sheesh!" the MC gagged, starting to take a step back. You looked at your priestess, but she was standing her ground with no change in expression. She was imposing, but Keiko's not some pampered tool of the gods. She's not going to back down from some B.O. "Yuuuck! Buchikowasu, do you want to say anything before we begin?"

"Yeah... Say your prayers, nerd, because I'm about to become the first priestess that fuckin' trash god of mine doesn't replace," she introduced herself, her scary, purple-red eyes smiling while her mouth remained hidden. She patted one hand up and down on her hunting rifle. "Are you a samurai? That's cute... Those all died off a long time ago in Japan, right? I'm a hunter... We're survival experts who use guns, not fuckin' pointy sticks. I've never seen a stupid weapon like that before, but I'm gonna blow it to pieces in the first round..."

"Tough words from Buchikoooo!" Mila interrupted.

Buchikowasu obviously bristled, pointing her gun in that direction. "Bu-chi-ko-was-su!" she instructed the MC, growling behind her mask. "Hunters don't use pet names!"

"Tough words from Buchikowasu, then!" the MC agreed, retreating further and holding her nose. "Now, let's see what kind of bout the defender wants. Back to the God Box! Don?"

The increasingly annoying elder gentleman stood to his feet and pantomimed a handgun. "A duel. Eight steps, turn, then attack! Badabing, fat lady sings!" he explained, giving you a sly grin.

Wait, wait! You interrupted, feeling you had to state the obvious: your priestess only has a sword! How's she supposed to beat a gunman in a duel!?

"That's your problem, kiddo. Don't tell me you came to this place thinkin' every fight was gonna be a swordfight? If you ain't got versatility, you ain't got a prayer! And if you ain't got a prayer, you ain't no god, kid. Better I kick that lesson into you now before you fight somebody less nice, he he he..."

No way... No way! You couldn't believe your bad luck. You could see that, despite all of this, Keiko looked calm... But why?! She was going to be tattooed for sure!

"Hey, here's another tip, buddy. You ain't just a god, you're also a sponsor. If you got any tips or gameplans for your priestess, you's two can speak with telepathy, capiche? Keep that in mind, cause that's the only way to give her 'divine inspiration,' as they calls it. You can bet I'm not lettin' stupid Buchiko call all the shots in her fight, geh heh heh!" He looked like he was chuckling so hard his dentures were going to fall out of his head.

Oh no... the first steps were already being made. Keiko was walking to the other side of the arena with her eyes closed and a no-nonsense frown. Buchiko, still shouldering her rifle, was walking to the other side with a confident swagger. How could she lose? Her rifle was probably no ordinary rifle... but even if it was, did it matter? All she had to do was be a good shot and she could win!!

"Kami Kurabe bout, opeeeeeeen! Now duelists, pace! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four!" the sunglasses-wearing MC counted on ruthlessly. Oh no! Don said you could coach Keiko, but can you possibly give her any tips or divine inspiration that will help in a situation like this?!