The Scourge That Is Completionists

The next day you take the full basket back down to Moots and spend around an hour giving him ten fruits over and over, completing his quest time and time again. Judging by the ravenous way the old monster attacks the smelly things, you have to imagine that people coming around to fetch him fruits are very, very rare. You feel bad for the funny old guy; one thing your valley has lots of is little birds and critters, so you've never known a mongrel to go hungry. Well he's got all the fruit he can eat, now. You'll see to that.

You only gain one level this time, as opposed to the four you gained the day before, but that's okay. Just as you were all instinctively aware of leveling, you also know all about diminishing returns. At a certain point, Moots won't be able to give you XP no matter how many fruits you give him. You just hope you're where you need to be when that happens.

Either way everyone's spirits are high that night, and continue to be high the next day when you repeat the whole process. You don't reach level seven that day, or the next, but on the third day you're all thrilled to hear that little *ding* that marks your achievement. Hrm, three sleeps for one level now...so how many for the next? Well no reason to be a tail-tucker about it. You're confident all three of you will hit eight, and when you reach that point you can figure out if it's taking too long.

And so you continue on like that for several sleeps, gathering fruit that you take to Moots all day and then laughing and chattering all night until you curl up together and pass out. Gert's delight at her first few levels seem to have tapered down a bit, though given her usual stoicism she might as well be running up the trees. And you've never seen Mo-Mo happier or fluffier, the little pup bounding with excitement at all hours. Gert happened to mention one day that the former runt could easily beat up Hi-Hi at this point, and you're still surprised her tail didn't fly off she wagged it so furiously.

You finally hit eight after seven more sleeps, and you're pretty confident that you aren't going to be able to make it. Even if you're still getting XP from Moots, it'll be what, double the time? By then you'll be very nearly at the Big Moon again. You look over at Mo-Mo and Gert, your two companions are still reveling in their new level. They playfully chatter and tease one another as they gather fruit, and you decide not to mention it to them. They've bonded so much, with you and with each other. Just hold your tongue and hold out hope that you're wrong, and you'll make it in time.

If the others noticed that you're a bit quiet as you start towards the camp with your basket, they don't mention it. Your ears go flat, however, when you hear a familiar speech from up ahead. You shush Gert and Mo-Mo, the two females falling silent as you creep forward and poke your head out of the bush.

"- bring him ten o' those fruits he smells over yonder, why, he'd SURE'N be grateful!"

"Ugh I haaaate these fucking quests!"

Your throat seizes up as you take in the two figures standing in front of Moots, one of them tauntingly twisting the old monster's pot around on his head as the other continues to sulk about the task they've been given. Shit! Oh shits! Those are...shit!

Those are players.

For anywhere else in the world, they probably wouldn't look like anything special. Basic gear, no special talents. But they're both level thirteen. In this valley? That makes them fucking gods.

Mo-Mo and Gert poke their heads out curiously, the little pup very nearly letting out a cry of fright before the bigger female can clamp a hand over her mouth. Even Gert seems utterly unnerved by this development, trying to hold back an outbreak of nervous panting. Moots notices the three of you, and you can't help but think that he looks deeply conflicted in the moment before you disappear back into the bush, hoping you can hide.

Mo-Mo can't help whimpering and whining and she clings to you, trying to keep her voice to a whisper. "What are we gonna do? W-what are we gonna do?!"

You pull her into your chest, trying to shush the crying mongrel. They sound like they're still messing with Moots, so they can't be paying much attention to the area right now. You soothingly pet Mo-Mo as you whisper to Gert, quietly as you can. "Gert. Push the basket outside of the bush."

The big female slowly nods, putting the fruit basket on the group and carefully sliding it out into the open. Then she pulls her arm back into the bush as quickly as she can and huddles together with you and Mo-Mo. For the moment, no one is the big one, or the runt. You're just three scared pups as you hide in the bush and listen to the whining players, hoping they don't find you.

"Dude, this is so boooring, who even thinks this is fun? They should AT LEAST give us a kill quest or something in the same area."

"Yeah for sure bro, picking fruit doesn't make me feel like a bad ass. Why are we even bothering?"

"Becaaaause, I don't want to have to come back here, dude, and it's gonna bug me if I haven't completed all the quests!"

The other voice snickers. "Whatever, bro. Pull up your map; where is the dumb orchard?"

"Lessee, it's around there somewhere....Oh! Oh, dude, but...aren't those the kind of fruit we're supposed to get?"

All three of you hold your breath as you hear the players stomp towards your hiding bush, hearts beating wildly as you listen to them rifling around in your fruit basket. "I think so, bro...but it's not where the map says to get them."

"Dude, whoooo caaaares; I bet they just realized these quests are STUPID and they patched in a shortcut or something. Look, just grab some and we'll try to turn them in. Maybe we'll be done quick."

You hold still as the two horrifying players gather up some fruit, then trundle back to Moots. There is a moment's rustling, and then the players cheer. "Sweet! Okay yeah, that was easy, bro!"

You very nearly sigh in relief. Maybe they'll go away now?

"Well shit dude! We've saved so much time, wanna go find something to kill?"

"Oh totally. Turn on track monsters bro."

Fuuuuuck.

You're mentally preparing to tell Gert to get really for a last ditch attack when one of the players makes a strangled noise, prompting the other to speak out. "Dude, are you okay?"

"Shit shit shit! Bro, shit! My mom's home early! I'm not supposed to be playing, bro, I'm so totally fu-"

The voice cuts off suddenly, the other calling out after a moment. "...Dude? Dude are you there? Fuck, he must've been caught....oh shit, I'm not supposed to be playing either! Is she gonna call MY mom?! Better log off..."

You keep still inside the bush for a moment, sharing confused looks with Mo-Mo and Gert. Both of them nearly jump out of their skins when you grit your teeth and stick your head out of the bush, having decided that come what may, you just had to see what was going on. And while you're certainly surprised to see a single player instead of a pair, standing stiffly as he stares blankly out into the distance, more than anything else you're relieved.

But 'intrigued' is quickly rising in the ranks. And 'excited' is right on its heels.

You motion for the other two and slip out of the bush, Mo-Mo letting out a little yelp but following with Gert none the less. The three of you cautiously creep up to the apparently empty player, nervous at first but increasingly bold as it becomes clear that this isn't a trick, and he's really just going to keep standing there dumbly.

Gert prods the player with her paw, grunting as he wobbles on his feet. "This is a player? Why were we so scared, Shh?"

You glance over at Moots, who seems to be making a point of ignoring everything that's happening right now. "Well, they are usually super scary, but something happened to this one. I dunno. He said he got caught?"

Mo-Mo, emboldened by the player's defenselessness, has shoved one of the fruits up his chainmail shirt. She winds up and smooshes it into his back with the strongest smack she can manage, giggling as he doesn't respond to the stinky thing splattering inside his clothing.

A red bar appears over his head as soon as Mo-Mo strikes him, now just short of full by a tiny sliver. All three of you gasp in unison, sharing looks back and forth. You've seen these red bars before. Usually they pop up above a mongrel's head for just a second and then he or she is dead, but you still know what it is: A Health Bar. There is silence as this new development sinks in. And then Gert grins, raising her stick and pointy rock, and you and Mo-Mo each grab an armful of the spiky fruits.

This is gonna be good.

You and Mo-Mo race around the empty player, pelting him with the heavy fruit as Gert lays into him with relish, finally getting to put the big stick and pointy rock you gave her through its paces. Even with your unheard of growth in power, you're barely damaging him at all; one or two damage a hit from you and Mo-Mo, MAYBE four from Gert's blows. Your attack values are much higher now, but with a difference of five levels you're taking a pretty huge penalty. But he isn't fighting back, and he isn't defending himself. Slowly but surely his health bar dwindles, and after a few minutes Gert bashes him in the side the exact moment Mo-Mo nails him square in the nose with a fruit. And then the health bar is empty. And then the player vanishes.

You and your two companions stand and stare at the spot that had once held a real-life boogeyman, the sort of thing that mongrels cower over the mere thought of. Even the idea of you beating one of them is so ridiculous, none of you even notice you've shot right up to Level Ten. Then, Mo-Mo starts to giggle, and you and Gert break into gleeful laughter.

~dundadunDUNNN~

Your laughter has turned into riotous howling when the energy overtakes you and you begin to change, but you're too excited by this to be excited about something else yet. Your whole plan is coming to fruition, but you'll move onto that victory in a moment.

Because you and your pack mates just beat a player, and that is fucking awesome.