Karen Harding

Karen sits up straight and looks at you both before continuing.

“I worked for Ontario Health way back, started in IT doing desktop support and Help Desk. Got into networks and infra and started at Bathurst maybe 9 years ago. It was around the time the local IT team was moved off site, the senior guys were retiring or moving on anyway but I was younger than most of them so I ended up being the one who stayed. I liked it though, enough to do but you’re mostly on your own, right?” she says, looking back at you. You nod at her in agreement about the position, you feel the same way.

She continues, “So, normal stuff. Then in summer 2018 site management moved some stuff out of storage in the basement. Bunch of old office furniture and so on got thrown out, but a few boxes had computer stuff in it so it was sent to me. I tossed some of it in the Asset Disposal because it might have data on it, but a lot just got recycled. I did see the SGI server in the box and wondered about it, but I just looked through the documentation of the site network and old server equipment. Couldn’t find it mentioned anywhere, and I just kind of forgot about it.

“Obviously, I eventually went back to it. Last year, late October, I randomly saw the cardboard box sitting in the cage and pulled it out. This time I looked more closely at it all, pulled everything out of the box, the server and the peripheral and the rest of it. I found an unlock code taped to the bottom on the hub, that box with all the ports on it? Yeah, that one. Also in the box was a piece of paper, well half of one, torn up and crumpled in there. It was the wiring diagram, faded but readable. On the back of the diagram was a handwritten list of names, well two lists I guess.”

As she’s telling the story, Karen is getting more excited, clearly the mystery of the old server had captured her imagination much like it had yours. Jayne can’t help but interject, “Do you have the list of names? We never found that, unless you mean the names of the IT guys from before.”

Karen shakes her head, “Nope, I never wrote the names down. I know it was like 8 or so names in total, one column said ‘X’ and had a few names, the first one caught my eye, it just said ‘DeForest’ and it made me think of DeForest Kelley, the old Star Trek actor. The other names were under ‘Station’. But it wasn’t full names, just the last name for some of them and a couple were the first name. Very generic names, like Jones or Frank. The second columns, one of them said ‘LCol’ and had a French name, but I don’t remember them. There was a rectangle drawn, and the names on each side of the box? But it was all written kind of sloppily, like taking quick notes.

“Regardless, I didn’t care as much about the names as I did the wiring diagram, which was hand drawn, but with a ruler and pencil on drafting paper. I searched online and learned about the SGI server itself, and the NUMALink cable, but nothing terribly interesting other than that it was old. While I was searching I found the stencils and diagrams for the SGI gear, so I recreated it - the original was badly torn up. The orginal diagram didn’t look totally like the one I made but it was pretty close, I labelled the cables just for my own benefit.”

With Karen pausing to take a sip of some water, you say, “So you had decided to turn it on?”

“Hah, yeah. It was a fun little project, just something to do in my spare time. Spent a few hours on it over a couple of days. Then I plugged it all together like the wiring diagram said, but you hardly needed the diagram, there was only the two components and a few cables. It was October 30th, a Wednesday. I powered up the server and see only one program, in Pascal of all things, so I ran it. Then, an installation wizard, I select option 1, and it says I’m the Admin. Naturally, I’m like what the hell, how on earth does it know my name and age?”

You have to laugh along with her, “I had the exact same reaction, except it knew me and Jayne.”

“Wow that must have been extra trippy! So I read the tutorial, and it’s all crazy but I think it must be a game. I can’t explain how it knew my name, because I’m very sure it was sitting in a cardboard box collecting dust for at least 15-20 years, but it has to be a game. I shut the A.M., or TAM as you call it, down and pretend there must be a logical explanation I just can’t think of.”

Karen closes her eyes and shakes her head. “That might have been the end of it, but that Friday I’m on the first floor. One of the docs had locked his account and it was just easier to go down and do it for him rather than have Service Desk try to walk him through the password reset portal.”

You can’t help yourself, “Was it Dr. Goodall?”

“Yes it was! I should remember you’re doing my old job now, no chance you aren’t helping him the same way. Such a lovely man, but not exactly technologically adept!”

Sharing a companionable chuckle with you, Karen says, “So I’m in the clinic and there’s a man in the waiting room. I’ve seen him before, but he’s just walking around, clearly favouring one of his arms. He’s pretty damn hot, lot’s of tattoos, and I guess I was staring at him like a weirdo, but he’s just so damn beautiful. I’m walking by and he suddenly turns and looks right at me as I’m drooling over him, and I want to die of embarrassment. But he just smiles a beautiful smile and says hi. I guess if you’re gorgeous maybe you get used to it? But for whatever reason, he introduced himself, his name is Timothy, he’s a personal trainer at the gym down the street, and he re-aggravated a shoulder injury so he’s there for his weekly physiotherapy.”

While she’s talking about Timothy, Karen has a dreamy smile. Then her face falls. “I’m not an idiot, I know I’m a dumpy middle aged woman. I have 3 cats. I haven’t been on a real date in years. He’s incredibly attractive, magnetic. Cheerful and talking to me, being interested in my job. I know he’s just an outgoing guy, bored in a waiting room, chatting with a random woman. He’s probably flirty with everyone, I know that.”

Now Karen looks down at her hands again, her brow furrowed, a frown growing. “But I don’t care! I’m… well I’m very attracted to him. So he talks to me for 5 minutes and I’m just in love. Or at least in lust. I know I’m acting like an idiot, I know everyone in that waiting room is probably wondering what the hell I think I’m doing, hanging on his every word. Then they call his name, and he grins and says he’s gotta go but nice to meet you, if you’re ever interested in a gym membership ask for me, see you around.

“That afternoon, I turned the server back on. I don’t believe in it, honestly, but still. Maybe? I start TAM and read the tutorial again. Then I type in his name and bam. New Person of Interest. ‘khánh, timothy’. Age 32. Impossible, all of it. Changes detected, do you want to see a summary or whatever it says.”

With a bitter chuckle, Karen shrugs at Jayne, “So I added him. His scores were low, I think a 2 for affection and a 1 for lust. But what I expected, and from what I could understand of the program - not that I believe it, I tell myself! - the fact there is at least a flicker of lust for a chubby older woman maybe means something. I turn off the program, still telling myself it’s all nonsense and I’m just playing around.

“A week later, around the same time, I go back to the first floor. I tell myself I’m leaving it up to fate, I don’t know exactly when he’ll be there. I look around, like a weirdo, and he’s not there. Then I end up chatting with one of the nurses, feeling strangely relieved he’s not there. And suddenly, there he is. Saying hi to me, while the nurse is giving me the eye like, how the hell do you know him!”

She’s staring at the bottled water in her hands. “So I talk to him again. Just hello, hope you’re feeling better. And, I guess the idea of the Affection Multiplier works, because instead of being shy and awkward and leaving right away I stand there and talk to him for a while. Way more confident than I’d normally be. Asking about his work and so on, laughing at his little jokes, smiling at how the nurse is staring at him when he’s looking at me. And then we say goodbye, he tells me to check out the gym again, and I go back upstairs. And his scores went up. That’s when I started to believe it, well when I admitted to myself that I wanted it to be real. All his scores went up, and it was such a thrill. A ten for affection! A tiny boost to lust! I knew it was crazy, impossible, and maybe it was wrong? Like, if it is real am I doing something bad? Maybe evil? How can this possibly be? In a panic, I pull up the tutorial and see the reset and tell myself just to be safe I’ll reset Timothy. It’s the only sensible thing to do and it’s the moral thing to do too.”

You nod sympathetically, “But it would be hard to, huh? I told myself all kinds of things, the sheer unbelievability of it made it so easy for me to ignore the sticky ethics of it.”

Now clearly upset, she nods and says, “Yeah I left it. I just left him as an active Person of Interest and told myself I’d go to his gym and see, just as a test. Lying to myself. And it worked again, of course. His scores went up so fast! Every time I made sure to bump into him, he’d talk to me more and more, and I'd talk to him with the confidence that he'd find me interesting. In two weeks he asked me out, and I could tell even he was surprised when he said it. And all through November and into December I just ignored the ‘sticky ethics’ as you put it. You showed Jayne almost right away, I took advantage of it for a month. Until I couldn’t pretend or lie to myself about it not being real anymore. So, I had to figure out what was going on. And I needed to do it fast, because I knew I loved this man and I knew it was wrong what I was doing, on some level at least. So I spent more time searching for information about TAM but couldn’t find anything. Then I realized the box had been in the basement storage, but it said it was in the subbasement at some point. So I-”

A sudden thump from the hallway startles you all. Karen looks up in alarm, and you and Jayne both turn in your chairs in time to hear a muffled male voice saying, “Ah shit.”

With a sheepish grin, Timothy walks into the kitchen. “Sorry folks, standing on the staircase and eavesdropping gave me a leg cramp and then I banged my elbow onto the wall. Not as good of a ninja as I assumed I would be!”

“Tim!” Karen is shocked and more than a little afraid, “Oh god I don’t know what you heard but I can explain!”

“No no no,” Timothy gives you all a reassuring look, “I’m not sure I would have believed you if I hadn’t heard you telling them like this. But I’ve been, well, snooping through your stuff recently and I found your notebook. In my defence, you were being very strange when we moved so suddenly! But maybe I should just sit down at the table like a normal person and you can continue your story.”

Karen looks wracked with guilt, but Timothy sits gracefully in the open chair next to her and takes her hand, gently saying, “It’s really ok. I just want to know the rest of what happened. Then I’ll tell you how I already know some of it. This doesn’t change how I feel.”

She looks dubious, but he squeezes her hand and smiles again. You share a look with Jayne, both of you unsure about what this means, but Jayne clears her throat and says, “Please Karen, go on.”

Still staring at her boyfriend, Karen nervously continues her story.