A long walk home. And some explanations ...

"What now?" Asks Miranda sheepishly.

"I'll walk you home." You proclaim.

"It's three miles form here, you know that?" She chuckles raising an eyebrow.

"Perfect! A lot of time for explanations." You snicker.

She drops down her gaze again, and without a word starts walking away.

"What ... What do you want to know?"

For a moment you think to yourself that maybe you should refrain from asking to much questions, as you may ruin the mood or upset her.
You join her and start walking by her side.

"Well it's just that ... at Stacy's ... What happened, actually? Matt said that you ... I-I didn't belive him for a second, i mean, i know you are not that kind of girl ..."

You stop yourself, realizing how wrong is you choice of words.

"What kind of girl? The one that sleeps around? Or the one that gets so drunk to forget what happend the next morning?" She asks sharply.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean ... "

"No need. It's fine. I am by the way."

"You are ... what?"

"Both. Listen John, you said that you like me, that you love me, but you don't know me very well. There is a side of me that sometimes makes me do stupid things ..."

You take her hand, trying your best to look hide your doubts.

"So let me know you." You say quietly.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. I want to know all about you."

She sighs slightly.

"Ok ... When i moved to N.Y. with my mom three yeas ago, i got some ... bad habits. I was the new kid there, the small town girl with no friends."

"You were bullied?" You ask frowing.

"No, no ... at all. They were all nice and polite, but i felt always left out after the lessons ... They always threw a lot of insane parties all sorts of people, older too, but they never invited me."

"Why?"

"The same question i asked to this Alicia girl once. 'We don't want to freak you out, our parties are a bit wild, you would probably feel out of place ...' she said. Can you belive it?" She asks huffy.

"And you?"

"I said 'Try me.' and so i went to my first party. It was really wild. Alchool was always there and i started drinking to losen up. Sometimes i took other stuff too..."

You try to hide your surprise as she talks. You're not a saint yourself. You smoke and drink at parties, but Miranda... She was the image of perfection to you.

Hey kid, that's using double standars!

"Long story short, i never missed another party from that first one, but i got a lot of new friends ..."

You look at her with an involuntarily questioning expression.
Her description of theese parties is clearly incomplete, she knows it aswell.

"Well, i won't go into details... I-i couldn't even if i wanted, it's all blurred out." She chuckles nervously.

"To get to the point, when i got back here i tried to leave all behind. But in the meantime i had grown ... everyone had grown, and even here parties had become more ... wild. This place wasn't the quiet city of my childhood anymore."

You realize how difficult is for her to tell you about this.
Her cold damp had tries to slip out from yours, but you gently tighten your grip.

"So i falled back into it."

"Fall back into what?"

"Into depravation, i suppose ... I don't want to sound too theatrical, but i can't find better fitting words. And i can't just describe what i did ... well, i explained you why."

You suddenly feel uneasy, as a vague yet accurate mental image of what could be the sort of things Miranda doesn't remember, forms in your mind, nicely seasoned with all your worst fears.

"Even if i had lived here for years, all had changed. My class, my teachers, my former friends ... all gone. And i was again the new kid."

"I started to hang out with Sarah, because we had kept in contact. But she wasn't the shy, almost nerdy girl i remembered. She had became so bossy and confident."

" 'I'll get you popular again in not time'She said me ... 'Just follow my lead'."

You gulp hard at the last sentence, while Miranda's hand slips off from yours.

"The first party she took me to was ... insane. It was even wilder that those in N.Y. There where lots of older people from university too. And Sarah was at the center of all it. I just ..."

She distances from you, walking backwards and leaning against a lamppost.

"I just woke the next morning in an unknown bed ... My clothes were gone ... I felt terrible." She says forcing herself in a large smile.

"I realised i needed help, but i couldn't ask a devil to be my guardian angel, so i asked Matt. I rembered him being a nice guy ... Did you know ? We lived in front of each other when we were kids. We were friends long ago. I just needed to know if he was still ok, so we hanged out together a couple of times."

You feel a clench in your stomach immagining Matt and Miranda going out alone.
That bastard didn't tell you anything.

"It was akward at first. He had belived i was hitting on him." She says shaking her head.

"When his crush for Sarah came out ,we laughed for an hour."

"He was ok." She adds nodding.

You calm yourself, even if your stomach stays contracted.

"I offered him my help with Sarah, in exchange of him babysitting me at the parties. I didn't feel like going into details, so i simply asked him to watch over me. Essentially, he just had to stop me from leaving the party with someone else, or do something embarassing in public. And if he ever saw me drunk, take me home."

"It worked, i thought after the next party. I woked inside my bed. My clothes were still on me. My mom instead of screaming had prepared me a nice breakfast. Perfect." She says rotating slowly around the lamppost.

She holds on it, leaning backwards like it's a pole for dancing.

"And then, we went to Stacy's ... I didn't expect Matt to make a move on Sarah already, but he did. He filled himself up and asked her to dance. It was ... terrible. She didn't even notice him."

You surprise yourself following Miranda's story with genuine curiosity. Her face looks a bit more relaxed now, remembering the pity she took on your friend.
Slowly she turns, leaving the lamppost and giving you her back as starts again to walk along the sidewalk.

You indulge for a bit feasting your eyes on her gorgeous body, before jogging next to her with a smile.

"So?" You ask.

"Well, i can't really tell you the rest. Not exactly at least ...My guardian angel was out of service. Worst than that, now i had a depressed friend to console..."

"We drinked together for a while, then ... i just don't know what happened. But Matt said me he lost me when he went the the bathroom. He told me he looked for me, but i was no where to be found."

You brush against her, feeling pleasurable the warmth of her body. It's 3 a.m. and it has gotten pretty cold.

"At last, he found me. Apparently i was making out with some burly, bearded dude he didn't know out in the courtyard."

Again you feel your body tensing up and purposedly refrain form looking her face.

"He watched us for a while, not knowing what to do. Then the guy left, maybe to get us some more to drink or to use the bathroom. I don't rembember and Matt didn't get it either, but he saw him gesturing me to wait there for him." "

"So took his chance Matt quickly sneaked next to me and dragged me away.Even if almost drunk, he was still my guardian angel after all." She says giggling.

"So you do rembember?" You asks with a trace of irritation in your voice.

"It's just ... fragments. I do rember laughing at him when he snatched me away from the courtyard ... He looked so serious and i didn't quite undestand why ..." She replies uneasily.

"And then?" You press her.

She hesitates watching her feet.

"I don't know ... We sort of ended upstairs... Matt later told me he didn't want that guy to come looking for me... He was scared he could beat him up."

You feel your heart beating faster in your chest.

"And?"

"Well, Matt told you what happened ... didn't he? I can't really be more accurate than that." She squirms.

"Matt has been vague. And so you are." You say coldly rembembering his story and what your crush said in that video.

"You said that you would let me know you ..." You add trying to smooth your tone.

"But you know all the important things! Do it really matters what happened in that room if i don't even rember it?"

You ponder her words indulging on her perfect lips.