Phone a Friend

Jamie grabbed her cell phone and called her best friend Phoebe.

"Phoebe, you got to help me!" said Jamie.

"Calm down, what is it?"

"I can't put on any clothes!"

"What, they don't fit or something?"

"No, any time I put on clothes...they...I just..."

"What?"

"OK," said Jamie trying to calm herself down, "any time I put clothes on or try to cover up...."

"Yessss,"

"The clothes, you know, the fabric....."

"Just tell me!"

"It turns me on!"

"What?"

"If clothes or a towel or a sheet touches me, I get well, incredibly aroused, so much I can't stand it!"

"Is this a gag?" asked Phoebe.

"No, I'm serious!"

"Are you high or something?"

"No! I swear!" said Jamie.

"You know that makes absolutely no sense," said Phoebe. "Tell me what's really going on."

"I AM TELLING YOU!" yelled Lauren.

"Damn, calm down!" said Phoebe. "So you say sheets, towels, and clothes turn you on, what about something else?"

"Like what?"

"Well, all of those things are made out of cloth, so try something that's not cloth."

"I guess," said Jamie, "But what?"

"I don't know. Are you naked now?"

"Yes, I told you I can't put anything on!"

"What do you have in your room?

Jamie walked to her closet. "There's a dry cleaning bag my prom dress is in."

"Put that on," said Phoebe.

"How?"

"God, just rip a bigger hole in the top so you head fits in."

"Give me a sec," said Jamie. She tossed the phone on her bed. She took the dry cleaning bag off of her prom dress. She ripped open the top and pulled it on over herself so that her head stuck out. It came to mid-thigh and had no arm holes.