Not so magnificent obsession

"Gee whiz, Spike," said Buffy. "It's bad enough that you chained me up. Did you have to tear my clothes off too?"

Spike replied, "It's not my fault that you insist on wearing clothes with those awkward little buttons, not to mention all those zippers that keep getting stuck."

"So what is your strategy here?" asked Buffy. "You're going to show me off to your crazy ex-girlfriend over there?"

"Hey!" cried Drusilla, still tied to a wooden post several yards away from the underground arch where a naked Buffy was in chains. "He tied me up too. And for the record, I am not crazy. I'm just a little touched. Since you're a former resident of an insane asylum, I would have thought that you'd be more sensitive about that."

"More sensitive?" asked Buffy. "At least you got to keep your clothes on, Drusilla. Plus your ex-boyfriend has been trying to kill me for ages. And you used to cheer him on all the way just like some Victorian cheerleader from Hell."

"Hey, I thought you liked cheerleaders, Buffy," said Drusilla. "After all, you used to be one."

"So not the point, Drusilla," said Buffy.

"Anyway, Slayer," said Spike, "all I want to know is whether or not I have a chance with you. That's what I want. Just give a chance."

"What part of no don't you understand?" asked Buffy. "You're an ugly disgusting vampire who preys on everything with two legs."

"I don't know about ugly," said Drusilla. "Spike looks pretty handsome to me."

"Again, so not the point, Drusilla," said Buffy.

"But I love you, Buffy," said Spike.

"I thought you loved me, Spike," said Drusilla.

"I used to love you, luv, but then you broke my heart," said Spike. "Now I only love Buffy."

"You can't possibly love me," said Buffy. "You're a vampire. You're incapable of love."

"On the contrary, Buffy," said Drusilla. "I know fully well that vampires can love just as deeply as any human. Even deeper because our love life has to last longer. We can love quite well... if not wisely."

"Give it up, Dru," said Spike. "She's not going to pay any attention to you."

"On the contrary, my former love," said Drusilla. "I think Buffy will listen to me quite well. More so than she would to you. You see, there are many things about love that a woman knows far better than a man. And I could teach them all to Buffy -- if she'd let me. I've learned a lot about love over the years -- and I could teach them all to the Slayer -- again and again and again. And I could keep teaching her till she finally gives in to exhaustion. Plus she'd never have to worry about any of that 'this never happened to me before' nonsense."

"Say what?" asked Buffy.