Fifty shades of Dru

"Wait a minute!" cried Spike. "Are you coming on to her?"

"Gee, Spike," said Drusilla. "You've known me long enough. Do you really need an answer to that question?"

"I'm a bit shocked too," said Buffy. "I mean if I'm not interested in Spike, then why in the world would I be interested in you?"

"Oh, Buffy,"said Drusilla. "Don't be like that. I thought your best friend was a lesbian. Who would have thought you were such a homophobe?"

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Drusilla," said Buffy. "I'm not rejecting you because you're a woman. I'm rejecting you because you're a vampire."

"And you're a Slayer," said Drusilla. "And yet I don't have a problem with that. Well, normally I do, but this time I choose to overlook it."

"Damn it, Drusilla!" cried Buffy. "You and Spike have been trying to kill me for ages. Why would I want to overlook all that now?"

"Don't you believe in the power of love to overcome all obstacles?" asked Drusilla.

"Drusilla, you're being ridiculous," said Buffy.

"Am I?" asked Drusilla. "You were willing to overlook Angel's past. Why not mine?"

"Because at least Angel was trying to change," said Buffy. "You have yet to show the slightest sign that you're sorry for all the evil things that you've done."

"Oh, I get it," said Drusilla. "You think I'm a bad girl."

"That's right," said Buffy.

"And you think I ought to be punished, is that it?" asked Drusilla.

"Well, yeah," said Buffy.

"Do you want to be the one who punishes me, Buffy?" asked Drusilla. "Would you be up to spanking me like the naughty little girl that I am? Would you like to hit me with your riding crop? Would you make me go down on all fours and crawl naked in front of you? Would you make me meow like a cat? Would you be my mistress, Buffy? Shall I call you Mistress, Buffy? Mistress Buffy... That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it, Mistress?"

"What is wrong with you?" asked Buffy.

"Nothing is wrong with me, Mistress," said Drusilla. "I just wish to serve you as the devoted little servant girl that I am."

"Okay," said Buffy. "This is getting weird."

"Getting weird?" asked Spike.

Just then someone fired a crossbow bolt into Spike's arm.

He turned and saw a college-age blonde girl aiming a crossbow in his direction.

"Remember me, Spike?" she asked. "Harmony -- your real girlfriend. Or do I need to fire another bolt to get your attention?"