In the savanna, bruised but alive.

I woke up slowly, my entire body throbbing. 'Bastard did fuck up my landing. Hopefully that kick to his nads will buy enough time for me to get myself set up.'

'Alright first things first.' With a groan I stood up wincing as did so. 'I feel like I took truck-kun here, fuck!' I open my eyes and in the upper left corner of vision I see three bars. One red, one green and one blue.

"Holy shit, that fucker almost killed me!" Looking at the small sliver red in the mostly empty bar, I guessed that I had 5% of my health at most. I saw it was slowly climbing back up. I must have landed with 1% or less. 'Ok don't panic. I'm healing, slowly but still healing. Let's see where I ended up.'

I properly took in my surroundings looking around at where I landed. I seem to be in a grassland with small groves of trees here or there. I took a deep breath through my nose. I could smell grass, fresh dirt almost like someone dug up a garden, water maybe about 2 miles from where I was. I smelled animals too, but I couldn't tell much beyond mammal or reptile. I just didn't have enough of a reference point yet.

"Wow, it's like I've been living with blinders my whole life. But I don't think I'm near any kind of town. I don't smell any metal or burning wood."

I look behind myself and see at the deep divot that must have been dug out by my landing. 'How did I survive that? It looks more than 2 feet deep in parts. Don't freak out, just move on for now. Menu'

MENU

[STATS]

[RACE]

[CLASS]

[SKILLS]

[PERKS]

[INVENTORY]

QUESTS

[MAP]

'Ok didn't expect the separation. Let's start with quests since it has alerts. Hopefully there's a tutorial.'

QUESTS

NEW

ACTIVE

COMPLETE

'Wait I completed a quest? Let's look at that.'

Quest: their lack of faith was disturbing. Complete!

Prove yourself a smip to your Goddesses, or be forever maidenless.

Requirement: Prove your belief in the Goddesses beyond a doubt and be acknowledged in return.

Failure: Maidenless. Also the Goddesses of darkness might put out a hit if you really piss them off.

Reward: 3000 exp. Unlocks Priest class line.

Turn in Quest! Abandon Quest! or return to previous screen.

'But how? Ohhhh... they saw what that micro dicked angel tried to do, didn't they.'

I guess they liked my answer. And it made sense, they likely don't really have any way to stop me if I betray them and I was given literally the best chance to do so. However instead of back stabbing them, I used the enemy to get extra information. I then risked my life telling that same enemy to fuck off and bust his balls.'

'Well let's see what else I got here before wrapping up that quest.' Switching to the active quests figuring they would clear out the new tab as well.

Quest! My life is a game! Now what?

Quest! What do we say to the God of ****?

Quest! The path of inner strength!

Quest! Bring forth the dawn, bring forth the Light!

Quest! To dance in the Darkness.

Quest! These chains of austere.

Quest! Come Thunder! Come Lighting!

Okay tutorial first. Then figure out how I got a bunch of elemental quests started.'

Quest! My life is a game! Now what?

So you think you're a real gamer? Well prove it! Your life is now a game! Listen to this explanation so that you don't fuck up! Or don't, your call.

Requirement: Listen to tutorial the to understand your Gamer powers.

Failure: Touch grass. Okay but seriously you could die from stupid.

Reward: 1000 EXP, Starter kit

[Play] [Abandon Quest] [Return to the previous screen]

'Alright easy choice. Play.'

Congratulations! You're in the Game! Let's show you how everything works, first stats.

Stats are your base parameters. They affect literally everything. You could max out all your skills, but if you don't have the stats to support it you'll still lose, well die. You'll still die. Stats are as follows: Strength(STR), Dexterity(DEX), Constitution(CON), Intelligence(INT), Wisdom(WIS), and last but not least Luck(LUK).

Strength is how physically strong you are. Lifting, hitting, bending, breaking, jumping, and throwing are all based on the Strength. Not having enough strength to lift your weapon, or carry your burdens could get you killed. If you want to Unga Bunga, raise this.

Dexterity is your spatial awareness, reaction time, and raw speed. All the strength in the world won't matter if you can't hit something, or if you can't catch it, or if you end up dead cause you couldn't raise your guard in time. If you want to be the fastest man alive, raise this.

Constitution is your endurance. How long can you shoulder the burden, how far you run, how long till you nut inside your victim, how long till you bleed out? All Constitution. Raise this if your job is to be the last man standing.

Intelligence is basically how well you gain and retain knowledge. Skill growth, magical power, and aptitude with technology are all based on intelligence. If this isn't high enough all your magic will be true weak sauce, and you won't be able to make global decisions cause you can't tell what's going, or use toaster cause of your stupid. If you want everything to go according to keikaku, raise this.

Wisdom is how consistently you see the right path, your common sense. Magical defense, magical regeneration, and all social skills including politics are based on wisdom. If you don't, you’ll start a war, or pull a Goku. If you want to be able to insult people and have them thank you for it, raise this.

Luck is how lucky you are. I know it's unhelpful. Luck is a probability manipulator, it actively increases good luck in this case. Crit chance, rare drops, surprise Quest frequency are affected by luck. If you ain't lucky enough you could miss opportunities, or slip on banana peel and die. Want Karma to be your pal, then raise luck.

When you level up you get 5 stats points for yourself to place as you please, you can also gain them from intense training.

Next up is RACE. The race tab handles all information, and abilities pertaining to your body. You size, racial class or tier if you prefer, current form, size, natural attacks, and passive abilities due to your nature. Along with detailed information on how your specific racial abilities work. Every level in your racial class gives 4 points to be used to enhance any passives and abilities you gain. Be warned depending how they spread out it could change your progression.

As a special note, as you go up tiers you'll gain new forms that come with new height, and possibly put you into size categories. You however be able to switch between them with all the benefits and drawbacks the size comes with.

Everyone is different so read on yourself in order to know every juicy detail!

Alright now on to CLASS. The class is a lot like the race tab, but deals with any classes you have. If you click on a particular class it will tell how much health, stamina, Mana, and skill points your gaining per level. There's also ability points for each class that can be used to enhance class passives. Like the barbarian rage, or knights rally ability.

Be warned though, each class has their own ability pool so if the class doesn't get leveled you can't improve the passives from that class. You 2 ability points per level use them wisely.

Ok on to the last major player in your effectiveness, SKILLS. Skills are general abilities that are common, or are universal enough in their nature that everyone makes use of them regardless of class. Knights don't fight like Rangers, and Rangers don't fight like Barbarians yet all know how to use a sword. Skills can range from basic(observation, running, etc.), trained(swordsmanship, trap making), to rare(magic item crafting, martial art styles). The higher the skill the better you do in that area. Some skills require other skills be leveled before getting access to a stronger one, but those will be noticeably stronger for it.

Moving forward brings us to Perks. Perks are abilities that you get as a reward for great successes you achieve through your adventure. There are two kinds of perks. Monster perks like elemental infusion, and achievement perks like big daddy. Some are awarded by quests, and others are awarded for massive Chad moments like soloing any enemy party that was stronger than you. You can't improve them but they provide a MAJOR boost so get some anyway.

Next come the tools you'll be using to manage resources and plan out your moves. We'll start with the Inventory. Your inventory is the ultimate bag of holding. You can put anything in there, even food and dead bodies! It also auto sorts items. Throw a body in there without looting first? The inventory will strip and sort the it's loot for you! But be warned things still rot in your inventory at about half the rate of normal.

In the middle are Quests! Were over arching or daily goals for you to achieve. Daily Quest which are goals are things like breakfast, chores, basic training. There isn't any penalty besides minor inconvenience for failure on these. Then there are Major Quests, failing these quests can get you killed. You can however refuse these with little to no consequences. Last are Divine Quests these have to be taken, can't abandon these suckers! They are also victory or **** scenarios. That being said, they come with the best rewards!

The final tab of your menu, the Map. Your map as reference for were things such dungeons, natural landmarks and towns are. It can even plan out the quickest safest route for you to take. It does however work on your own knowledge of an area. However if you read a map it will be added to your world map. It can even be used to track people you've but tracking magic on.

Well that's the run down all done! Now go forth and conquer! Or be a farmer if you're into that kind of thing.

Quest! My life is a game! Now what?

Go to the [Quest] tab and turn in the quest?

'Yes.'

[Quest] My life is a game! Now what?

So you think you're a real gamer? Well prove it! Your life is now a game! Listen to this explanation so that you don't fuck up! Or don't, your call.

Requirement: Listen to the tutorial in order to understand your Gamer powers.

Failure: touch grass. Okay but seriously you could die from stupid. Complete!

Reward: 1000 EXP, Starter kit

Turn in Quest! Abandon Quest! Return to the previous screen.

I mentally select [turn in quest], and a new screen pops up.

[Quest] My life is a game! Now what? Completed! Received 1000 EXP, and starter kit.

I go ahead and turn in the quest for the priest quest line as well. Give myself access to all forms of magic.

[New Quest unlocked!]

'The hell? Figure out later. I've been sitting looking at these screens for what feels like hours.'

I stand up where I sat down. Checking my HP showed I was at about half health. I could go to the river or....sniffing air again there was what is likely den about 3 miles from me a mile from the river.

Author's notes: man this took a while to hash out! Hope you like it. This chapter is now as clean as can be! Feel free to add your own branch if you want.