Dangerously well-equipped

The knight leading is covered in so much steel armor you can't make out a single feature; the only way you know it's a man is because there are no exaggerated hemispheres on the breastplate. The shield he carries is easily as tall as you. The barbarian beside him is sporting a battleaxe even larger than you. The rest of her equipment consists of tattoos strong enough you can feel the power from your hiding place--oh, and if you squint there are patches of fur meeting the minimum requirement to satisfy Mature Content Filters.

Behind them are two magic-users stumbling under the weight of amulets and other jewelry they're wearing. The robes look brand new, and with how they're barely avoiding tripping on them you can guess they aren't used to any of what they're wearing. They look pretty young, too, like they barely came of age. On the left is a boy staggering along with the support of a large wizard's staff; the other is a girl probably beginning as a healer. You're going to take a wild guess and say they're both level 1, but these two level 50-somethings came to speed-level them.

It's mildly frustrating; if you could get those two separate from their chaperones, even together they wouldn't be able to stop you. All that high-spec equipment was more of a detriment to them than a boon--until they reached a higher level. If you couldn't snatch them before they gained a few levels, you would miss your chance.

Finally the party is near enough for you to hear what they're saying.

"Now, the real secret about monster hunting is, they're always there. But if they're substantially weaker than you, they hide until you go past," the knight was saying. His voice was deep, but kinda sexy too.

"Then isn't it a problem to have you with us?" the healer girl squeaked. Oh, the sounds you could make a voice like that make!

"Normally it would be," the barbarian boasted, "but we're prepared to overcome that. For example:"

All of a sudden her axe is in her hands and, faster than you could possible follow, she cuts the trunk of the tree beside her. The tree you're standing in. Your eyes go wide as you begin tipping. You try to take flight to escape the collapse, but the branches you were using for cover quickly become your captors. The tree collapses on top of you--and you are in no mood to appreciate the irony of the predicament--and half you're newly-boosted HP disappears in a blink. You cry out in pain and try desperately to struggle free, but a particularly thick branch has pierced your wing, pinning it to the dirt.

"If we know where they're at, we can just drive them out of hiding for you."

"Whoa! That one's much bigger than I expected. You two will level up faster than I expected," the knight comments.

The barbarian comes to stand over you, staring down quizzically. "How'd something like this wind up in the wimpy woods?"

With her this close, you see one **** chance. With your one arm that can freely maneuver, you thrust a Lust Whip at her ankle.

"Who cares? Tarten, finish it off," the knight orders.

Not good. This barbarian has so many muscles, it'll take too long for the lust to reach her head! There has to be some way you can stall for time-

"Um, I can't target it," a timid voice admits.

"What?" the knight demands.

"It won't let me target it. It's all... pixelated."

"Oh, for the love of-! Did virgin boy leave his Filter on?" The barbarian laughs. Seeing the chance, you lash out again with your Lust Whip, praying it will hasten the effect, or, if you're lucky-