An amendment to her sentence

Introduction: “These notes are an extraordinary find! River Song has always been an enigma of history, her and her strange relations with the Doctor, even I couldn’t get much of a handle on her when we met, but to finally uncover a section of her memoirs is incredible! Anyhow, from what we can gather of the contents of these pages, this was a part of Miss Song’s diary written during her first year imprisoned within the stormcage facility, and that she wanted to keep hidden and omitted from whatever book she was writing in, and after reading them I can certainly understand why! Why she didn’t destroy these pages I’m not entirely sure, the woman who discovered them however, an eccentric character who calls herself Missy, told me that the pages of her diary were a fixed point in time as they were necessary to help her navigate her timeline with the Doctor, so she opted for hiding them instead, but evidently she didn’t do a good enough job. And now, with the greatest pleasure, the department of archeology of St Oscar’s university present the Lost confessions of River Song.”

-Professor Bernice Summerfield

Dear Diary,

Today has not ended well. It started off fun, with the Doctor taking me to visit the Delphox cluster, very standard, but then I returned to my cell at the Stormcage and the Governess and two of her guards are waiting for me. She seemed extremely happy and excited which was unusual because she was the one who hated my midnight flights the most. “Welcome back Miss Song!” She said, I was so distracted by her unusual change in that the two guards beside her were able to grab me by my arms and pin me against one of the walls in my cell, “Now, please do accept our little welcome back present, we spent ages working on it.” The Governess said mockingly as she removed a squat, square injector gun from her pocket and pressed it against my neck. After pulling the trigger her guards released me and locked the door to my cell.

“What the hell did you do to me?!” “Oh relax Miss Song it’s nothing harmful. To your body that is, same can’t be said for your outfit I’m afraid.” I looked down and was shocked to see my pants and top disappearing, as though they were being eaten away, my bra and panties had just began to vanish when I put my hands over my private’s. Normally I’m very comfortable in my own skin, but that’s only when I’m the one who decided to strip, if it’s by then I’ll be damned if I allow anyone to get a peak. The Governess chuckled heartily at my now flustered manner.

I tried to regain my composure as the Governess explained what she had done. She told me how my treating the stormcage as a hotel in between adventures dampened it’s reputation as a secure facility and she lost out on her bonuses as a result. So she had decided to give me an incentive to stay, that being a batch of cloth eating nanites inhabiting my body. While I am to remain naked for tomorrow as punishment for my trip the nanites will be reprogrammed to not eat any clothing when I’m present in the stormcage unless I continue my adventures and require further punishment.

When the governess told me that the nanites only had a one year lifespan I was initially relieved, thinking I could simply use the TARDIS’ time travel capabilities to my advantage, but my hopes were crushed when the Governess noticed my smile of relief and informed me that the nanites become quantum locked when they exit the stormcage, halting their ageing process until I return. And with that final revelation her and her guards sauntered off, satisfied, leaving me with the ultimatum of staying in prison or having all of time and space become well acquainted with my anatomy.

As I write this I’m hiding underneath my duvet in shame. But I’ll be dammed if I’m going to let the Governess win and keep me here, I’ll think of something.