An all-women's poolside barbecue.

Before me awaits a bustling barbecue party packed to the gills with hot, swimsuited women; they're tossing beach balls, bouncing around in well-filled bikini tops, and—the reason these awful mutts tore my briefs off—grilling meat. My pulse skyrockets at the horrifying, if sexy, scene, and the two leashed puppies pull me closer towards it, despite my **** misgivings and struggles.

My penis is flopping around wildly, and I'm digging my heels into the lawn as I endeavor to keep silent and out of the women's sight; the three mangy menaces drag me onward inexorably, forcing my naked form closer toward the partying girls. I swallow as the smells of burger patties and sounds of laughter overpower the sound of my heart racing— I'm so close that any of those hotties would just have to turn her head to see me and the dogs keep marching on.

Poncho wraps around a lone cedar tree, while Pincho, leash still tied around my other wrist, affixes himself to the swimming pool's gate; I pray that no one will look at me, but I know I've only got a few more seconds before I die of humiliation. That's just how things work for me.

Stiffening slightly as I see their breasts straining those bikini tops, I will my cock to soften, but it becomes stuck at three-quarter mast after I see a busty woman get her top torn off.

By this point I'm scorched crimson with embarrassment and dread, and begging silently for a way out. This is also the point where Thomas Jefferson—who slipped from his leash a couple streets back—tippy-taps in front of my nude body and starts barking. Loud.

"Holy shit! Ladies, look what we have here!"

"It's a naked guy, and he's a real snack!"

The hustle and bustle of the pool party quiets as the guests' attention is brought squarely onto me. Panic pierces my soul; all those hungry eyes lick onto my naked body, I try to run but it just makes things worse— my semi-erect penis bounces in a tantalizing arc, and the sexy women cheer, wolf-whistle, and scream at the display.

"So a sexy guy brought dogs, but he didn't bring clothes? Thank you so much, God!"

"Holy shit, He's so hot! Those pecs, the abs, that cock!"

"Tell me about it, that thing is beautiful. Hey, Hottie, show us your ass too!"

"Woof."

"Aw, that poor hunk, look at him— he's soooo red!"

"I could do things to that boy. Things that would get me excommunicated from any religion…"

My head is getting so light from the humiliation I feel my voice go out, and just suffer their lurid propositions in mortified silence. There's a blonde woman in the back with her nose too deep in a pulp sci-fi novella to look at the naked guy not thirty feet away; after Thomas Jeffersons's loud caterwauls, she's the only girl here who isn't eating up the sight of me. Wait…

That's Zelda! Shit. Do I call out my friend's name and risk getting one more babe gawking at my penis?

This is so fucking embarrassing…