Fuckland

Agent Johnson rubbed his eyes. It had been a long day, and was about to be an even longer night. He downed his third cup of coffee as he opened the door to his and Agent Heffner’s office. “Find anything new, Janet?” He asked, closing the door behind him.

Agent Heffner sighed as she dropped the papers she was reading. “Nothing but this disc.” She presented the DVD to Agent Johnson, the words ‘Fuckland: Commercial’ written in sharpie across it.

“Well, let’s see what kind of hell we’re dealing with.” Agent Johnson declared as he took the disc from Agent Heffner. He inserted it into the player and let it load. The screen lit up, appearing on it was a beautiful park. Statues of several naked people were scattered in the overview, many of them in steamy and compromising positions. Suddenly, a man appeared on to the screen. He was a portly man, his mustache curled up on each side, giving him a sort of a ring leader look. His top hat had ‘FUCK’ written across it in sparkling glitter. His suit patterned with several figures in various sex positions, as though someone had taken the kama sutra and plastered it onto a full suit. His cane could have easily been mistaken for an elongated dildo. As he spoke, his voice rang out like an old radio announcer.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen!” He exclaimed arms spread out on screen. “Welcome to Fuckland! A theme park for adults who want a little more sex in their life!” He pretended to jog about as he visited the main parts of the park. “Come out to Central Square! Want to know what it feels like to fuck in public, but didn’t want to deal with any of the arresting or legal issues? That’s no problem here. Whenever you feel like a fuck, just grab your partner, bend them over and fuck them like no one was watching…even if they are.”

The man winked to the camera as it panned away from the center and over to an archway, with a globe on top. “Here, in ‘Around the World in Eighty Cocks’ you can take in activities with the various races of the world! Always wondered if black guys were actually more gifted than Asians? Wonder no more! Just pick which races and choose however many you’d like to try! Go around the world with eighty cocks…or more.” The man winked again as he was whisked away this time to another archway, this one having nothing particularly special on it other than the various ‘van family’ stickers thrown about everywhere.

“In Family Fuck Land you can have fun with the entire family! As long as their legal age.” He added at the end. “Want more kids? Want grand kids? This is the place for you! Our special patent pending formula is released as vapor into our specialty rooms. They will ensure that you or your loved one is ready to keep the family growing!” He continued and jogged to another place.

This one had an archway with an enormous red cross sign over it, instead of ending in squares though, each point was a heart. “Feeling a little…inadequate? Want some more ass…ets?” The man chuckled at his joke before continuing, “Then come down to the ‘Love Clinic’! Fill out our form and our team of surgeons will get you the body of your dreams! We also have a special room for couples who want to have some additional fun.” He winked once again as he panned over the entire park.

“All admission prices include a wide array of food special made by our chefs so that you can have the energy to go all day! So come out today and have the fuck of your life at Fuckland, the sexiest place on earth!” with that, the screen went dark.

Agent Heffner’s hand was over her gaping mouth. “My god, Hank,” she turned to Agent Johnson, “how many people saw this?”

Agent Johnson pulled out the DVD and broke it over his knee. “Luckily it was only shown once in the surrounding area.” He threw the broken disc onto the table. “So we do have a finite area of figuring out where these people went after they visited the park.” With that, he squatted down, and came up with several folders. As he plopped them onto the table, he spread them out, each one labeled with one or several names who were in the park.

Agent Heffner stood up and scanned over the files. “I just hope to someone that we can find these missing people and give their families some peace of mind.”