Dehydrated Personal Companions

Are you lonely? Does your social life resemble an imploding building? Are you lacking human interaction now that you’ve started using the self-checkout lanes at the grocery store? Then DPCs are perfect for you!

DPCs are the powdered companions that, once rehydrated, will provide you with all of the companionship that your life currently lacks. Just follow the simple instructions below to rehydrate your companion and your new DPC will explain the rest.

Hydration Instructions:

1. Fill a container* with 75 liters of water**.
2. Carefully pour the powdered DPC into the water.
3. Wait 8 hours***.
4. Enjoy the companionship of your new DPC****.

* Don’t have a glass that can holder 75 liters of water? Use a bathtub!
** It is recommended that tap water is used for the initial hydration step. Using tap water for the initial hydration allows the DPC to better fit its current environment.
*** Seriously just be patient.
**** To provide you with optimal companionship, DPCs are designed to tailor themselves to their environment and the needs of their companion.

Rehydration Instructions:

1. Give your DPC some water to drink.

Warning: DPCs are extremely sensitive to the liquid used during the initial hydration process and during routine rehydration. It is recommended that only pure water is used for hydration and rehydration. Use of other liquids can have adverse effects on the DPC, therefore the end user must proceed with caution when using alternative liquids.