Boldness and sorrow

Jenna woke up a few minutes before her phone was set to go off that morning. She stared at the screen for a moment, at the notification about the impending alarm, the icons of several other notifications that she managed to sleep through, and finally reached out to shut it off. There wasn't enough time to try and eke out those last few minutes before she would get interrupted.

The teen scrolled through the other notifications. A few alerts from social media, a few promotional emails, but that was it. She didn't honestly expect to see more, but there had been that faint glimmer of hope that maybe they hadn't forgotten her. Maybe it had all been just a big misunderstanding, or a ploy to make things feel more special when they did happen. With her parents and younger brother on a trip for his class, her older brothers off at college or work, and no messages from them, she finally tried to come to terms with the idea that they really had just forgotten about her.

It was three days after her eighteenth birthday.

She knew they loved her - was pretty sure they loved her - but as the middle child in a large family she had built up a tolerance for being overlooked. Jenna wasn't an athlete like her brothers: she was more quiet and reserved, more artistic and creative. Growing up her parents focused on their events, living vicariously through them, and had a tendency to leave her on her own in favor of football and basketball and soccer games where they could enjoy the energy of the crowds, watch their sons win and conquer and succeed. Her accomplishments were more academic, and straight A's weren't interesting to a sports family.

By the time her older brothers graduated and were out of the house, her younger brother came along and followed in their footsteps. She never had a chance to shine like they did. It didn't hurt any more. Not much, anyway. She just had to figure things out for herself. And that was okay. It had to be okay.

Stop, she told herself. Today is going to be a good day. It's Friday. You are going to be happy today.

Jenna wanted to believe herself as she dragged herself out of bed, to get ready for the day and try to focus on more positive things.